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-   -   Wheres the commitment? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=390277)

  • Aug 25, 2009, 06:08 AM
    hayleyb09
    Wheres the commitment?
    Does anyone have any advice for me,I'm desperate to live with and marry my partner of nearly 5 years but he won't commit to me even though we have just had our second baby together which was planned! He already has 2 children from a previous relationship and so do I which makes things very hard as he always treats his children a lot better than my 2 we argue a lot about the children and I always feel like I am the one in the wrong even though I know deep down I'm not! I've dreamed of marrying this guy for so long that I'm becoming obsessed with weddings and wedding programs on TV I've even written a list of who id invite!he doesn't know any of that! He was with last partner 12yrs before they married and within 3months she was having an affair and they split up,she went back but then restarted affair and was gone again 6months later so I understand he may be a little reluctant to marry but at the end of the day we have 2 children and I really want to be his wife,he won't even live with me even though he said that if I had a bigger house he would move in,yet when I got a bigger place he never moved in I feel like crap about this and have even ended the relationship before to see if that would push him to make a commitment but it didn't and as I love him deeply we just got back together but I'm so not happy with the way we live any advice please!
  • Aug 25, 2009, 06:26 AM
    kctiger

    I don't understand. He has two children with you and you are his current girlfriend yet he refuses to live with you? Where does he live? Does he live with his other two children?
  • Aug 25, 2009, 06:47 AM
    amicon

    Yes where does he live?and it sounds like you re not even on the same page here.you can't force anyone to marry you.
  • Aug 25, 2009, 06:51 AM
    NeedKarma
    Why would someone have a child with a father who does not live with them?
  • Aug 25, 2009, 07:03 AM
    Starry nights
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hayleyb09 View Post
    does anyone have any advice for me,im desperate to live with and marry my partner of nearly 5 years but he wont commit to me even though we have just had our second baby together which was planned! he already has 2 children from a previous relationship and so do i which makes things very hard as he always treats his children a lot better than my 2 we argue alot about the children and i always feel like i am the one in the wrobng even though i know deep down im not!! iv dreamt of marrying this guy for so long that im becoming obsessed with weddings and wedding programs on tv iv even written a list oif who id invite!he doesnt know any of that!! he was with last partner 12years before they married and within 3months she was having an affair and they split up,she went back but then restarted affair and was gone again 6months later so i understand he may be a little reluctant to marry but at the end of the day we have 2 chilren and i really want to be his wife,he wont even live with me even though he said that if i had a bigger house he would move in,yet wen i got a bigger place he never moved in i feel like crap about this and have even ended the relationship before to see if that would push him to make a commitment but it int and as i love him deeply we just got back together but im so not happy with the way we live any advice please!!
    Of course there's no commitment and neither I feel,is there a hope of any from a man who won't even consider living with you,let alone committing to you.I really don't want to break your heart but if a man can have children with a woman yet not live with her or even talk about any long-term commitment,then he isn't giving her the place in his life that he should give her.

    Have you asked him what exactly is your status in his life i.e "forever girlfriend who will keep giving him all the children he wants"? What about having the sensitivity to understand your wishes to get settled and have a proper family?Its also making me mad that he's differentiating between kids and treating his own better than yours.

    In my opinion,it appears he has a basic problem of not giving people their due respect.Speak with him directly about what exactly he has in mind for you and your kids.Then take that as his final decision on the whole affair and plan your next course of action.You need to do what's best for your kids and yourself.
  • Aug 25, 2009, 07:24 AM
    talaniman

    Do you need to get some reality, because you have allowed this fellow to fill you with fantasy, give you babies, and not even given you the courtesy of an honest explanation for his actions, which clearly says, no marriage, and no commitment, just babies.

    Its so sad you are letting your fantasy of being married affect your whole life, and those of your children, and make you very foolish when it comes to him.

    My advice, get out of your fantasy world, and stop making babies with this rolling stone, and give your kids the love, and happiness, you don't have, and never will, with him.
  • Aug 27, 2009, 04:36 AM
    hayleyb09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kctiger View Post
    I don't understand. He has two children with you and you are his current girlfriend yet he refuses to live with you? Where does he live? Does he live with his other two children?
    He lives in his own house and has his 2 children Sunday to wed then they go to their mums,we see each other every day and stay at ewach others homes but it gets me down that its not a permanent living arrangement.
  • Aug 27, 2009, 05:23 AM
    amicon
    Reality check-how much longer do you want to live like this?this is no life-you can't waste years of your life waiting for this man to turn into prince charming-its not going to happen.

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