I've been wondering as of late if my hubby is gay.. we have been through a lot and I've been trying to figure out where this tension is coming from. He used to want sex everyday.. not a problem because its always good but then he would complain its not enough.. WHAT! Then he lost interest, stopped making advances. He spends more time cuddling his privates than he does me. He loved for me to strap one on for him.. so much that I became concerned! It was about me bangin him. Then I started to see little things.. the way he walks, runs and makes love. Its quick and selfish on his part. Not like before. He walks kind of girly he likes to wear cut off shirts and no belt in public/work. Its like he loves to show off his pecker trail to all the dudes at work.. and by the way they all make gay cracks to each other. His mother/grandmother were beginning to worry that he would nvr marry. He's very manly in other respects.. he's a good handyman, he's into cars and he's great with the kids.(I'm expecting our 5th child. 3 from my previous marriage) I can't even think of all I want to say.. feel like I'm rambling.he gets lit up whenever he talks about a particular buddy.. who when ge comes to visit he will NVR come inside! This guy, since I've been around has nvr had a girlfriend.(I've been with my hubby for over 3 yrs.). His grandma has even made a statement about our 2yr.old.. "wouldn't it be aomthin if this one turns out to be gay!?" what does that mean!? Help me! I need some direction. I don't wnt to live a lie. I stay home.. I do it all from lunch,dishes dwn to mow the lawn.. Idnt wnt to be the one who is here for convenience rather than love.. I love him deeply.. What do I do?

The first thing you need to do is stop placing so much stock in stereotypes. Contrary to popular belief, you CANNOT usually tell if someone is gay just by looking at them or the things they're interested in.

Liking anal sex doesn't make him gay. The male g-spot is actually stimulated by anal sex.

Guys making gay jokes to each other rarely means that they're gay. It usually means they have some fear or resentment of gay man.

His friend not coming in, or having a girlfriend in the time you've known him, doesn't make them a couple. It could be that kids make him uncomfortable. A lot of guys, especially when they get past their mid-20's, don't really have what women would consider relationships. It doesn't make them gay, it just means they're not the type that's cut out for settling down and having a family, Women at that age are usually looking for someone to have a serious relationship with so they can settle down and have a family, so the men avoid getting into relationships.

How old is he? You said his family thought he was never going to get married, which makes me think he's older. Is it possible he's hit a mid-life crisis? Keep in mind that men can go through that anywhere from 30 onward. The change in dress could be mirroring how younger guys are dressing, by sagging his pants. (oh, and sagging his pants would change the way he walks.) his selfishness in bed also fits in with a mid-life crisis. Having another kid could also help cause a mid-life crisis. It makes it that much more apparent that he is now settled down and 'stuck.'

Have you talked to him about it? You don't have to ask him if he's gay. Just talk to him about how the way he's treating you and how his behavior has changed is making you feel. Until you actually sit down and have a conversation you're just going to keep wondering and worrying.

As far as your son goes; ignore his grandma. He's two years old. He doesn't even know what sex is, let alone sexuality. If he ends up being gay when he's older, then he's gay when he's older. If you spend the next 16 years of his life watching for signs that he's gay and waiting for him to come out, you'll drive yourself insane.

There are two ways to know if someone is gay:

1. They tell you they are.
2. You catch them having sex with a member of the same gender as they are.

That's it. NO other sign is going to tell you someone is gay.

So you can either start following him everywhere, or you can have some heart-to-heart conversations with him.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

There are two ways to know if someone is gay:

1. They tell you they are.
2. You catch them having sex with a member of the same gender as they are.

That's it. NO other sign is going to tell you someone is gay.

So you can either start following him everywhere, or you can have some heart-to-heart conversations with him.

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Can't argue with that. Anything else is pure speculation.

Even the second point isn't always a sure way of telling. They could be bi, or just happen to like sex with members of the same sex without having to be physically attracted to them. It's also possible to be straight and have feelings for that ONE person, who happens to be the sex as you.

You wouldn't be straight (known as hetero) if you had any gay feelings... that by definition would make you bi-curious unless you acted on them, then you would be bisexual if you did.

That's one of those things that you are or aren't... no real grey area there.

But its still purely speculation unless caught in the act or they openly admitted to it.


Hiowever cracking gay jokes or gay cracks isn't normal between straight guys... if anything they would be making the rude type of gay jokes. Straight guys among themselves generally tend to be Uber Macho... the alpha male thing. At least among all the straight guys I've met in my nearly 48 years on this planet.

Now with that said... the dude with the biggest schlong... does tend to strut around but it's a Alpha male thing again... not that the other dudes even want to see it or anything (most don't, the straight ones anyway). Hard to express that in terms women would understand since it's a guy thing. Women have their own particular way of doing much the same thing... usually breast related. But straight guys tend to be far more homophobic than straight women are when among themselves, particularly friends.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

You wouldn't be straight (known as hetero) if you had any gay feelings......that by definition would make you bi-curious unless you acted on them, then you would be bisexual if you did.

Thats one of those things that you are or aren't.....no real grey area there.

But its still purely speculation unless caught in the act or they openly admited to it.


Hiowever cracking gay jokes or gay cracks isn't normal between straight guys.....if anything they would be making the rude type of gay jokes. Straight guys amoung themselves generally tend to be Uber Macho.....the alpha male thing. At least amoung all the straight guys I've met in my nearly 48 years on this planet.

Now with that said.....the dude with the biggest schlong...does tend to strut around but its a Alpha male thing again...not that the other dudes even waht to see it or anything. Hard to express that in terms women would understand since its a guy thing. Women have their own particular way of doing much the same thing...usually breast related.

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I see you go by the kinsey scale. Sexuality is judged by actions. It has become a bit outdated in recent years.

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Originally Posted by hheath541

i see you go by the kinsey scale. sexuality is judged by actions. it has become a bit outdated in recent years.

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Possibly... but by any means you decide to arrive at the answer... you still get to the same answer.

If you eliminate the purely asexual people (rare), and Hermaphrodites (How would you group someone with both parts anyway? Also rare), you have three groups... THe Heterosexuals, the Homosexuals and the Bisexuals.


Now there is room to argue when fantasy comes into play (as in conscious thoughts vs unconscious dreams)... but actions are clear to define.

I'm of the school you define people by their actions. Nobody really knows what a another person might think, but they do know what they do.

For the OP, here is the most basic definition of homosexuality:

Homosexuality - Being attracted to or aroused by members of the same gender.
Psychology Dictionary (E-J) at AllPsych Online

Cutoff shirts went out of fashion among macho guys in the 70's... definately wishy-washy there. Definitely effiminant these days... ripped off sleeves is fine... but midriff baring is a no-no in the macho crowd.

But the OP needs to be careful about overanalyzing things too... if you look hard enough for something convinced it's there evenually you will find it even if it doesn't exist.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Cutoff shirts went out of fashion among macho guys in the 70's....definately wishy-washy there. Definately effiminant these days...ripped off sleeves is fine....but midriff baring is a no-no in the macho crowd.

but the OP needs to be careful about overanalyzing things too.....if you look hard enough for something convinced its there evenually you will find it even if it doesn't exist.

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Exactly right, I would swear and declare some of my friends were gay by some of their actions and even what they wear but I know for sure they are not.

If your man liked to have anal sex via a strap on and you didn't mind doing it, it does not make him gay.
He just likes the feel, just as many women and men might.
Now, if you play detective and check with your local police and sheriff's office to see if he has been picked up in any parks after dark with other men, or caught in parked cars behind the supermarket with some guy who's name you don't recognize, then he may be venturing out into that life style.
MANY MANY men are doing this behind the family and get away with it for years before being caught.
Seriously, do a public records check at your local police or sheriff's office. It is a good place to start your little investigation.
If he comes up clean, you have the right to research cell phone logs and computer usage.
Maybe put a key logger onto your computer. This is a sure way to see what he is researching, looking at and typing to people while on line.

Pray about it. God will answer you if you are sincere.

If you think your husband could be gay because of the way he talks, walks, dresses, makes love, and has a single male friend that he won't bring in your home, then you need to sit your husband down and just ask him about it.

Nothing that you have said proves anything. You will not satisfy your need to know, unless it comes from him.

While I can see putting a key logger, or checking with the PD in your area, that would be a last resort, because I don't see that you have much to go on, and it may just simply be better to talk to him. Not his mother, not his grandmother, but him.

If he won't sit and talk, write him a letter, send him an email, hire a babysitter for the night and take him out to a restaurant and open up some meaningful dialogue. I can imagine with 4 kids and one on the way there isn't much quiet time for either of you.

Maybe he's got some hangups about having sex while you are pregnant, maybe he's stressed out at work, maybe he has some sort of erectile dysfunction, maybe he's worried about supporting a family of 7, I know I sure would be.

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Originally Posted by SelfMedicating

If your man liked to have anal sex via a strap on and you didnt mind doing it, it does not make him gay.
He just likes the feel, just as many women and men might.
Now, if you play detective and check with your local police and sheriff's office to see if he has been picked up in any parks after dark with other men, or caught in parked cars behind the supermarket with some guy who's name you dont recognize, then he may be venturing out into that life style.
MANY MANY men are doing this behind the family and get away with it for years b4 being caught.
Seriously, do a public records check at your local police or sheriff's office. it is a good place to start your little investigation.
If he comes up clean, you have the right to research cell phone logs and computer usage.
Maybe put a key logger onto your computer. This is a sure way to see what he is researching, looking at and typing to people while on line.

Pray about it. God will answer you if you are sincere.

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That is a serious invasion of privacy and if he found out about he would have every reason to be upset. Something like that can ruin a relationship.