So here is the deal... I'm 24 years old... my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years... he is my first real boyfriend and he was also the first person I ever had sex with... it used to be great, really amazing but for a couple of months now we have been barely having sex at all... he wanted to have a threesome and I kind of hooked up with a girl in front ofhim , thiking it will make him be more attracted to me... after that hapeed we only had sex once and its been like a month since that happened... I know I'm not an ugly girl, even though I might be 10 pounds overweight... people still find me attractive... I just feel disgusting and not attractive at all I any way.. I cry constantly because I get sooo frustrated every time I try to initiate sex with him and he rejects me... he says it isn't me.. that he just needs some time and that he loves me... I don't even know what to believe anymore... because I feel like... I thought if someone loves you ,a way of showing that love is through sex... I don't know... should I wait?. should I just break up with him?. help...

There's more than one way to show love, make sure that sex isn't TOO high on the priority list, then try having a talk with him. Make sure he understands exactly how you feel, so that he knows his rejection is making you feel insecure.

I think you should dump him,he's probably seeing someone else.This is just what I think. He is probably too immature for you anyway.Good luck

Ditch 'em. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you :)

Yup ditch him. A lot of the time that a couple engages in a threesome there is already trouble. Once the threesome occurs, you can never go back to where you were before.

Time to find someone who will like you for you.

So everything changed after he saw you with another girl at his request? This is not a threesome if he didn't participate. Is he still making kinky requests of you?

Well he liked it.. he did not have sex with her and wwe didn't do that much as for the threesome.. so I don't know.. I don't think it's that.. I actual;ly asked him today he told me I was beautiful and that it had nothiong to do with me... but I still feel bad... he even told me that he only masturbated once this past month.. that he doesn't feel sexual... is there such a thing with guys? I thought guys were always down for sex... I mean we used to have good sex.. I don't understand...

What kind of meds or drugs does he take if any and yes it happens to us sometimes for various reasons.

No meda... he smokes pot.. I don't know if that has anything to do with it

Some guys are sensitive when confronted on their 'dry spells'. Despite what I have already posted, here is what I really think:

1) Only leave him if there is proper motive.
2) If you keep trying to talk to him about it more and more, he can become discouraged.
3) If you don't want to be with him anymore because you think he's ignoring you or doesn't want you anymore, honey just let him know. The longer you wait... is wrong.
4) He could be dealing with a personal issue that he doesn't have the courage to come right out and talk about just yet.
5) Guys that age are highly prone to 'dry spells'.
6) Stress, work, a multitude of problems can be to blame, but don't ever start blaming yourself.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-2659.html

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relat...ngsexdrive.htm

http://www.askmen.com/love/dzimmer_6...e_answers.html

I hope these help!

I think anything that leaves the other person hanging in the balance is necessary to talk about. It's the kind of arrangement that can take on a life of its own, usually not a good one too. Its not really fair to ask the other person to write a blank check so to speak, at least not without asking them to upfront where they are free to ask questions and know some details.

I know there is such a thing as faith, but faith in a loved one sometimes needs a little talking out too.

I think the tone of the talking needs to be set up with a BIG mutual compassion of two people' s needs. In this case, his for not wanting to talk about the lack of sex (understandable) and hers for wanting to know if she'll ever get her sexual needs met again (also understandable).

It's the kind of thing where its really important to keep the talk explorative and understanding. This is not the time for blame or anger as they will shut down the talk just like that! It behooves each person to be careful with their words so that getting to the bottom of it or at least hashing out a workable arrangement can be made. With that, there is A LOT less pressure off both people and the original problem doesn't become compounded.

This is where good communication in a relationship really pays off!

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Originally Posted by alfonsina7

so here is the deal... im 24 years old...my bf and i have been together for almost 2 years...he is my first real boyfriend and he was also the first person i ever had sex with... it used to be great, really amazing but for a couple of months now we have been barely having sex at all... he wanted to have a threesome and i kinda hooked up with a girl infront ofhim , thiking it will make him be more attracted to me....after that hapeed we only had sex once and its been like a month since that happened....i know im not an ugly girl, even though i might be 10 pounds overweight...people still find me attractive... i just feel disgusting and not attractive at all i any way.. i cry constantly because i get sooo frustrated everytime i try to initiate sex with him and he rejects me..... he says it isnt me .. that he just needs some time and that he loves me....i dont even know what to believe anymore... because i feel like .... i thought if someone loves you ,a way of showing that love is through sex....i dont know.....should i wait ??... should i just break up with him?..... help....

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He could be under stress and some guys don't disgust the stress. If you nag him about sex you are pushing him away. Give him space if you have toys use them for awhile and act as if it does not bother you. When he sees you are not bothering him he will start to wonder why. When he does not get attention after awhile he will start acting different towards you and probably give you more attention. Good luck
Nonnie1965

Open your eyes a man always supposed to want sex if he doesn't that means he is maxing love with someone else..

Heartbeauty,

Sorry but your way off. Your wrong.

I absolutely agree with J_9 and Steady52, you should dumped this kind of a man and he doesn't deserve to be the father of your child.

And one more, if you got to have another boyfriend never do another threesome this gross and disgusting unless you want to be porn queen...

Like I used to deny sex to my girl and then she would catch me with porn... then she messed around with a girl... just touched and kissed... I was in the room but not involved... I liked it... I thought it was hot... but I know that if I did do anything that would have been the end of our relationship. The pron made her feel exactly how you say you did... unattractive and depressed... That was honestly not my intentions... I was used to my porn and not a real girl... but err now I had a living porn girl for me... I was just imature.. and I rally did not know my actions could bring her down to such a weakend state... I did bad things but my answer was the same as his.. its not you its me... and that is true... as for me I just did not know what to do with this great girl... mabe you should back off... try to hear him say its not you... belive him if he is honest... and just back for the relationship and let him see what he would be missing if you spend time apart... seperate and begin dating again.. bring that spark back.. and let him know you will not put up to this non sneeze.

Yeah, tell him you need some time apart, go live with
A friend for a while, or your family- this way you both
Will understand your feelings and the importance of
Your relationship better. And will bring the spark back

I have a very similar problem myself (well, apart
From the threesome)- same age, same type of
Relationship, in my case, my boyfriend likes
Porn and prefers masturbating to having sex with me
I have desided to quit nagging him about sex, and
Actually show no care about it (because I'm tired of
Talking and trying to 'comunicate') and see how
Things will develop.

And if they haven't changed,and I still feel so bad
About it, I'll move out- no arguing, no threats

So what do you think about it- like my plan? :)

Yeah, I agree. He is probably having trouble physically.

I have experienced this myself and it is very embarrassing for a guy.

You said it yourself how all guys are expected to have a constant sex drive but this isn't true.

Don't try to force a conversation about it but ensure him that you love him despite any problem he may have and build up his confidence so that he can approach you when he feels ready.

That may help.

I haven't read the other replies and I went through something similar myself, I say if he hasn't showed any signs that he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and every thing else is still the same, i.e. he kisses and hugs you as much as usual then I wouldn't worry,
Very relationship has its moments and there's propbly just something on his mind.
Try to get him to open up but don't pressure him with it.
I understand how it feels not to feel atracted and feel rejected.
Maybe you should try something new and I don't mean in sex though that could work but with your look, I don't mean change yourself for him
But just get a new hair cut or buy some new lengire , by hving something different about you it might make him notice you again and hel realise how attractive you are

Either youl need to talk, though be prepared, you may not got the answer you want...

Hope his helps
And I did read sumone say stopp naggin, well I tried that with mine and it didn't work though it was a deeper problem than just sex

Chin up


Xxx

Hi Guys. I have same problem. Im 24 and I had great sex life all up to this relationship. It was like before I felt I was a sex goddness and now I feel like Im brainwashed. And you know what guys- those of you who tell us- let him alone, stop bugging him. F*** that. When it comes to showing off you are the biggest machos, when it comes to sex, you are so damn sensitive. And instead of solution you either tell us there is something wrong with us, blame it on being tired all kinds of excuses.. and the easy way out- go to the pro's when you need it. Because you pay and nobody asks questions. I think it's not OK if I wonder about sex lately like a ing desert wants water every night, all the time. Because I have to leave him alone and he's tired. Because he wants it, when he wants it. Wow. What about me. Because he wants blowjob and can't be think about it even to the point where he could at least go and wash himself, if he wants to be treated like a ing queen. Im sorry, Im mad at my guy. But's that's also for all the whimps out there who feel sorry for themselves. Women should always be there to strip for you, and men should lay in front of TV and get us on a plate. Any of you ever consider doing soemthing wild for us? Or are there two breeds of guys out there. Those who have sex all the time with everybody and those who just have problems having it- all the time. Im sick of being nice. I don't want to go cheat on somebody because of it. I don't want to be cheated on because of it. That's bull. And Im angry right now. And I'm thakful for this forum so you guys can hear me at least.