I feel embarrassed about writing this but I feel that I could do with some advice from people who do not know me.

I met a guy when I was 20 and fell for him straight away, Head over heels! Long story short, this scared him and he although we went on a couple of dates he then started to become distant and for a couple of years we met at 3 in the morning every weekend after we had both been out and drinking with friends for sex. I suffer from low self esteem and have done for years and this certainly never helped my situation. I never wanted to just sleep with him, I always expected him to say to me one day "I really like you, will you be my girlfriend"! This never happened and after a couple of years he ended it. I have never been so devastated in my life and to make things worse I seen that he has a proper girlfriend a few weeks later and they went out for a couple of years. This was the hardest thing I have ever in my life I have had to go through and I will never forget it. I got over it though but I always had in the back of my mind that I would see him again.

2 or 3 years passed and he seen my good friend in a nightclub and asked her to give me his number. I was soooo shocked but excited at the same time because I have this unexplainable feeling that we are meant to be together? Not sure if anyone understands? Anyway he was a lot sweeter, we text and talked and after a few weeks he asked me to go to his flat during the day for a date and we would watch a movie... I was nervous as hell but excited. Anyway he text! Saying that he had to cancel and that he had to babysit for his sister. I was so angry I stopped all contact. I couldn't bear the thought of getting hurt again, my mind went on overdrive and it turned out my instints were right because when I did contact him a couple of weeks later he said he now had a girlfriend and didn't want to keep in touch with me.

A year later he tried to contact me on bebo but I kept denying his friend request even though he asked 3 times! I had went through enough hurt with him and as I was getting older I was starting to come to my senses about how bad he treated me. Although at the same time, I regretted not accepting his friend request and for the next year I would wonder...

Until a night out where I was with a girl that he knew and she gave me his number, it was my birthday and this is the day we met when I was 20 and all the feelings came back about how I felt about him. I phoned him when I was drunk and he came to mine and we had a long chat. This was only January this year. Now I am 28 and he is 29 and his first words to me where "I am so sorry for the way I have treated you". He explained that he has always liked me but I scared him off because I was always ready to commit? We had a lovely chat and it was so honest it was like my dream had came true, he was finally saying to me that he wanted to be with me although he admitted that he had just split up with someone of 2 and a half years and I asked if I was his rebound and he said no.. We had sex that night and from then on for about 3 months, although we spoke a lot during the day we would only see each other again when drunk and got back in to the same routine.. I am a lot stronger person than I was before and I have changed but I am ashamed of myself that I let myself get in to this situation again.

He was more convincing that he did want to be with me this time though. He spent 3 days at my house one weekend and I naively thought that this is it he does finally want to be with me. I did notice however that he was quiet and I trust my instincts so next time I seen him I asked is there anything he wants to tell me and it turns out his ex he split up with dumped him because she thought he cheated on her, she is 21 and she is 5 months pregnant! It was like someone stuck a knife in my heart... I asked him not to hurt me and we said goodbye then we were speaking on the internet later and I asked him straight out how he felt about me and he says he likes me but has to concentrate on his baby so I said to him that I wasn't going to hang around while all that was happening and because of the bond him and his baby mother would have they may get back together and I didn't want to put myself through that so I said goodbye and he has never contacted me since.

I have spent the last 3 or so months thinking about him day and night.. Expecting that he will come back to me.. have had a couple of "psycho" moments where I have sent him messages on bebo saying how much I missed him but I have deleted my bebo now because I know he hasn't been on it and I am embarrassed that I still love this guy? I just don't know what to do with myself. I can't get over it, I keep thinking he is coming back. Myself esteem is at it lowest and when I meet new guys I scare them off and sometimes I'm not even interested in any men because I constantly think about my ex. I can't live my life like this. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you so much

My advice would be that this guy is not good for you. He doesn't help you or seem to suit you.

He seems like he is using you and keeping you on the side, as a back up, or a booty call. If he is problems in his real relationship, he comes to you for fun. That's not good and you deserve better. A LOT better

Next, you need to figure out why your self-esteem is so low. You have to realize the good things about you and look at what good things you have in your life. A man won't and shouldn't make you feel better about yourself. The age old saying is "Nobody can love you until you learn to love yourself" and if you want to find the right guy and be in a relationship that works, you need to find out who you are and love yourself first. Other will see that confidence you have in yourself and be drawn to you.

But right now, forget this guy. It was good you deleted your bebo account, that thing wasn't helping you forget about him. You need to ignore this guy, he is not good for you, not right for you and he has his own pregnant "ex" to take care of, and he is ever does contact you, you need to realize it is probably because they are fighting or she dumped him or their relationship is not great, so he is using you to pass the time till she calms down and takes him back. You will never win with this guy. Trust me, you don't want to. I feel sorry for his pregnant "ex" and the baby they will soon share.

Once he is out of the picture, concentrate on yourself, work on who you are, be strong in who you are and by doing all this, you won't have time to think about him. Good luck and take care.

Forget the guy, get some self esteem, and that starts by ending any contact with him, as you have mistaken sex for love, and need to know the difference.

You're worth more than this. He used you. Every time you were together, he was using you.

You deserve someone who wants to be with you in the daytime - not when they're drunk and ready for bed.

Once you realize that you deserve more, you'll be fine.

But until that time, when you decide that he is no good, you'll be miserable.

Choosing to move on is one of the hardest decisions to make. You have to literally kill the desires to be with him, decide to stand up, and move on. You can do this. It is hard, but you can do this.

You deserve it.

Kylaa,
It will be hard to accept the fact, but he never loved you, but used you to fill the gap. You are not a doormat, but a lady. You have been alone more than 3 month now, and the hardest time is passed already. Forget about the user completely, groom & save yourself for someone special who respects you and cares about you deeply. You will meet the wonderful person, if you put yourself together well, heal from the wound completely, and turn yourself to a nice & lovely lady. The more you think about this useless guy, the more golden opportunity you will loose to meet the right person. Being a single is a bless to meet up a perfect person for your life! Hit the gym, spa, hair salon, take classes, and keep yourself busy to learn new things, keep yourself in the right place to meet decent guys, not in night clubs. If you meet the right guy, please go slow, and do not initiate the drunken sex in esarly stage. It ruins the quality of relationhsip. It is always better idea to play a little hard to get to be in a right relationship. Do not ever chase men. Let them chase you. Good Luck!

It seems to me that you have allowed yourself to remain stuck in a fantasy where this man's love is your jackpot.you should for your own sake let this go.find a life for you-find a man that makes you happy-accept that this guy s playing you-and thus will never make you happy.let go of the dream and wake up to reality.