I was sexually molested by my father from about. 1966 (age 8) to about. 1973
I want him help accountable for this
Is it too late to have him charged?

He also abused my older and younger sister. Younger sister will support me should I be able to charge him.
The only evidence I have:
A letter he wrote, a confession of sorts, apologizing for his deviant behavior.
I reported him to the police about. 1983 (sister was still at home) who apparently did nothing.
He confessed to my older brother.

This happened in Markham, Ontario, Canada

Thank you for any help you may provide

Irene

(I now live in Nova Scotia, they live in Ontario)

Hello Big:

I don't know. First off, I'm American. Second off, because there are a lot of twists and turns in this situation, and because it was reported in 1983, would make it impossible to tell you if the statute of limitations has expired.

Therefore, the only way to know, is to report him to the Canadian Mounted Police. Ok, I don't know if they're the right people, but they're the only ones I know. You need to report him to SOMEBODY.

OR, if he has money, hire a lawyer and sue his butt off.

excon

Thanks for your response excon
The abuse reported, I am guessing, only concerned my little sister as they never asked anything of me (: even though I made sure I was at their house when the cops came. I was just blown off.
I am 48 now and just feel strong enough to make this 'man' accountable for his actions.
I took your advice and sent a query letter to the RCMP and the police local to the event at the time.
I'll let you know what they tell me.
Thank you

You're talking about a crime that's 33 years old, so the answer to your question is probably not. Especially if it was reported back in 1983 and wasn't acted on then.

No it's not too late!
I just received a response from the RCMP - there is no statute of limitations on child abuse in Canada.
I thought all was lost - finally recovered enough to stand up to the " ", and I can't imagine him and his wife getting away with it
SO OTHERS - DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE! THERE IS TIME!

This is a capture of the first response back from the police.

I am responding to your email which requests information on how to proceed with an investigation involving incidents of historical sexual assault involving you father.

It is my understanding that you would like police to investigate these occurrences from the time period of approximately 1966-1973 that occurred in the Town of ******.

Please let me explain how an investigation like this would proceed.

The Child Abuse Unit would be assigned this incident as they investigate all incidents of child abuse, current and historical, in which the suspect was/is in a place of trust or authority over a victim under the age of 16yrs old. Often the Child Abuse Unit does do historical investigations such as the one you are reporting.

The first step in doing such an investigation involves the investigator taking a thorough statement from the complainant. This statement is videotaped so that an accurate record of the allegation can be kept for the investigation. The investigating officer then proceeds with the investigation from that point and does that which is necessary to collect any further information/ evidence to properly investigate the incidents. Often that entails interviewing other family members or possible witnesses.

Once the officer has completed the investigation, a decision is made regarding whether charges can be laid in the matter. If charges are determined then the suspect would be arrested and charged at which point the case would then go before a Judge for a possible trial.

It appears that you reside in ****** so arrangements for your statement could be made with a local police department, with a sexual assault investigator. We would make those arrangements on your behalf. The assisting agency would then forward us the statements for our investigation. Keep in mind that any pending court proceedings that may occur would be in the ****** Provincial Courthouse in ******, Ontario.

Thanks for the nudge back to the police excon - simple solution to a horrific problem

s_cianci... thank goodness that is not the case. The police made a mistake back then, time to correct it.

Bravo for your making serious consequences for some terrible actions. I think there is far too little of that happening in the world and applaud your efforts here. Being one who was also abused in her past, I can guess to what lengths you've had to go to "fight back". If you start to sag in this process, know that some of us are rooting for you. With that said, please be certain to be taking other steps along with this one. I say this gently out of concern. It would not be a good thing to swing too far the other way, and make this almost vengeance instead of justice. Its far better to have this be a part of some bigger "healing" context and sometimes people need support with that too.

Great News!
Transferring the Ownership of this horrible crime has been achieved!
My "father" has been arrested and charged.
He did not deny anything when the police contacted him... just asked for time to make personal arrangements.
The healing is well on its way... my sister and I have been remarking on how whole we feel, happy, forgiving. I feel empathy, not sympathy.
Retribution, retaliation or no... this was the right thing to do. No matter the reason, a serious crime was committed against me & my sisters, and the proper person is now carrying the weight of that nightmare. No longer me.
After 30 years of torment, my soul, heart, and conscience are clear.

Don't give up hope of this "ownership transfer". No matter how many therapists you lean on, this was the only way to stop the madness.

Check with the authorities where the crime against you happened. This is taken very seriously.

GUESS WHAT - all of my professional therapy has flown the coop! Thankfully I have strong personal relationships who have stood by me BUT as soon as the Professionals found out that I was abused, magically they said they couldn't help me. It is not in the budget to assist you to re-thread your head if you know what is wrong, especially this. Almost laughable, but sex abuse vicitms are Allowed 4 to 5 sessions max. I was a therapy-lifer when I was 'just' depressed to the point of suicide, or beyond manic; now that I have spoken up, and know what to rebuild, I am tossed away like society garbage. Too much! Once this case is finalized and public, I am going to direct my energies for other surviros into getting without-question professional support!

Check the statute of limitation for the area where the crime occurred. Some areas might be 25 years or more. You can always talk to a civil lawyer and sue him for money. He will still show accountability if you win the suit. It might not be what your looking for, but it might get you some closer and show him what he did was not right.

Congratulations, I know that there is a strict confidential relationship between a therapist and a client. The therapist is only allowed to break confidentiality if the client reports: any abuse against a child (no matter how long ago it happened), serious threat of physical violence against someone else, and any serious thoughts or plans of suicide ('serious' is defined by each individual therapist). If anyone out there is in a similar situation, keep this in mind if you are looking for closure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BigCookie

I was sexually molested by my father from abt. 1966 (age 8) to abt. 1973
I want him help accountable for this
Is it too late to have him charged?

He also abused my older and younger sister. Younger sister will support me should I be able to charge him.
The only evidence I have:
A letter he wrote, a confession of sorts, apologizing for his deviant behavior.
I reported him to the police abt. 1983 (sister was still at home) who apparently did nothing.
He confessed to my older brother.

This happened in Markham, Ontario, Canada

Thank you for any help you may provide

Irene

(I now live in Nova Scotia, they live in Ontario)

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I think that you should definently do whatever you can to charge your father. You're doing well with your evidence. Could you find a lawyer or something? Do other adults know? Cause if they do, they should be helping you.

Well the cretin was supposed to show up for his first court appearance May 25
Instead
He snuffed himself, his wife and their dog.
What lovely parents I had

Now I will never have my day in court, my say, my release. No one will ever know and that was so important to me - vindication, validation. I have been treated like scum by family for so long, well I really don't have a family. They had all seen me as lying bother and turned their backs on me so many years ago.
I got strong, I did this alone.

Sh*t

I am so beyond sad and lost. I am not sure if I will ever find me. All I find is that I am cold and shivering

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say. I can't tell you that I understand what you are feeling because I don't. I'm so sorry. I hope that in the future you are able to find peace and closure to this chapter of your life. Turn to your loved ones and close friends for support and guidance.

"Sometimes when a door closes on us, we fail to notice the window that was left open."
I think Helen Keller said this. She was very wise. Take heed and may God shower you with his most choice blessings and comforts.

Hello...
I am so sorry about what you went through. I hope with all my heart you realise you probably stopped him from doing more than you realise. He might have done this to other children , and now he cannot. You never know who is going to hurt you, and it usually are the ones closest to us, because they know you loved them too much to say. Now that this is all past, think that today is today, no one can hurt you now, and remember any good there was only. Please do not dwell too long, you desearve better... go get it... you are free now... I wish you love...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BigCookie

Well the cretin was supposed to show up for his first court appearance May 25
Instead
He snuffed himself, his wife and their dog.
What lovely parents I had

Now I will never have my day in court, my say, my release. No one will ever know and that was so important to me - vindication, validation. I have been treated like scum by family for so long, well I really don't have a family. They had all seen me as lieing bother and turned their backs on me so many years ago.
I got strong, I did this alone.

sh*t

I am so beyond sad and lost. I am not sure if I will ever find me. All I find is that I am cold and shivering

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I hope you are okay, I only wish I'd read this sooner. I am 43 and I too was abused for 5 years by my father and reported it on my 13th birthday in 1977. If it makes you feel any better, I understand your frustration 100% and wish I could talk more with you. I think we would be good therapy for each other. My father was a police officer. My mother actually felt sorry for him and took him back. The police department agreed to drop the charges if they left town quietly and the family priest told my mom it was an illness like cancer and she agreed to "sickness and health" in her vows. Everyone felt sorry for him, because as we know they are masters of manipulation. It was my job to make sure that he was assured that I forgave him and that he didn't need to feel bad about what he did to me. My mother went into denial insisting (even after his admission of guilt) that he did this to me in his sleep and was not aware of his actions. I tried to ask her if he was sleeping then whey did he tell me not to tell mommy or she would leave us all. She didn't want to talk about it anymore, the past was the past and there was nothing we could do to change it. Today, I live 2000 miles away from my family. My brothers have allowed their daughters to spend the night over there and my mother took a babysitting job for a little girl. To this day, I get the "shame on you" attitude from my grandma for shutting them out of my life. I know your frustration, the pain, the sleepless nights, the wondering why I wasn't worthy of protection, why was I not loved and cherished by my parents, why has this been minimized while smaller crimes make headlines. You deserved better and there is someone who cares deeply about what happened to you, I do. Be good to yourself and don't allow them to hurt you anymore. He was so selfish and all about himself. He knew this would be another chance to hurt you. My father threatened to end his life when I was 18 and told me it was all my fault. I told him to make my day.