Ask Me Help Desk - My son doesn't treat me right

Hi , I'm from the uk , I am amother to a 18yr old boy ,I split with his father when he wa6 he lived with me till he was 15 then decided to move I with his father , he doesn't like me at all, I don't know why I have never raised a hand to him , or treated him bad , his fatehr hates me, and I left him as he was unfaithful, after being tgether for 17 yrs, my son when he comes to see me always patronses me , and says I'm always angry , I'm not but when he comes to see me, he makes me tense, I love him, but I don't like him, he comes to see me for money and gifts, all came to a head when he was away fr aweeks holiday he asked me not to fone him as he had abad reception ref mob fone so I didn't then he said I should have foned him and why when I text him I didn't put kisses, he I svery spoilt and used to his own way in all honesty I don't think he likes me, he never stays ove rhe just comes to my house to eat get cash and go, so after he moaned yet again about texts and foning , I said well best if we don't see each other as , you only moan when we do, to top the lot , I pay for his gym membership and I pay maintaince, I had £100 left to pay and he just posted letter through the door, no note nothing , so I emailed him and said I ddint want to see him in all honesty I'm happier not seeing him what so ever and I don't miss him at all, am I odd infeeling like this, I love him but I don't like him at all, and in my opinion I'm not sure if I should be feeling like this, pleasse help if you can regards any advise will help thank you

I am the mother of two sons and there have been occasions when I didn't like them them very much but it was brief and usually the result of an argument.

I think having these feelings for a brief time is not unreasonable but to harbor a continual dislike comes off as a bit cold.

Do you think you are perhaps just trying to protect yourself emotionally from his rejection?

In other words,*if I don't care ,than he can't hurt me* type of self defense.

I would be very cautious about how you express your feelings to him as rejection from a mother can have long lasting negative consequence's.

I totally agree with Artlady and I'm a bit concerned you'd actually tell your child you don't even miss him. Teenagers can be hard to deal with at times and selfish too I have no doubt his bad behavior stems from what dad has drilled into his head for the past 3 years. I guess what I'm trying to say is I believe it's OK to say to your child /young adult I love you very much but I don't like how you are acting and the choices you are making and until that changes you aren't going to get all of this help from me when it comes to money. Let him know if he wants to sit down and talk about it that you're willing to do so but he needs to treat you with respect or the talk will end and he can leave till he's ready to do so. I'd also dicuss with him if there's any reason he may be upset with you because of something his father has told him and that may be why he's acting out against you. Good Luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by azdesertchick

I totally agree with Artlady and I'm a bit concerned you'd actually tell your child you don't even miss him. Teenagers can be hard to deal with at times and selfish too I have no doubt his bad behavior stems from what dad has drilled into his head for the past 3 years. I guess what I'm trying to say is I believe it's ok to say to your child /young adult I love you very much but I don't like how you are acting and the choices you are making and until that changes you aren't going to get all of this help from me when it comes to money. Let him know if he wants to sit down and talk about it that you're willing to do so but he needs to treat you with respect or the talk will end and he can leave till he's ready to do so. I'd also dicuss with him if there's any reason he may be upset with you because of something his father has told him and that may be why he's acting out against you. Good Luck!

Hi thanks for reply , I don't think I explained fuilly I never say to him I don't like hin never I say it to my close friends I always tell him I love him and just lately he doesn't say it to me but he always does when his dad calls, I did mail him and say I didn't want to see him till his attiytude changes but he knows where I am if he wants to talk to me, but thank you for your reply regards to you

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkny1966

hi thanks for reply , i dont think i explained fuilly i never say to him i dont like hin never i say it to my close friends i always tell him i love him and just lately he doesnt say it to me but he alwyas does when his dad calls, i did mail him and say i didnt want to see him till his attiytude changes but he knows where i am if he wants to talk to me, , but thank you for your reply regards to you

Ahhh OK sorry for the misunderstanding :) I know that must really hurt and I still think it has to be from something Dad is influencing. I do think letting him know like you did that his behavior is unacceptable is the for the best and I'd just keep letting him know you love him even if he doesn't say it in return which sounds like you are so that's good. Just hang in there and hopefully he'll see there's two sides to everything and not just see things from dads point of view.

Oh one more thing even though you and dad don't get along have you tried talking to him and seeing if you can get his support for the sake of your child? Maybe if dad gets on to him he'll straighten up a bit. Just a thought. Good luck! :)

Hi , thanks for replying to me , I left his father 13 yrs ago , after being with him for 17 yrs due to hi being unfaithful, we no not speak at all , alwful if I try he screams at me so I don't converse withhim anymore, he's awful a real bully , I hope when my son is free of him and he is at university, he might see sense and realise I am a good mum to him, bless you for replying to me, kimx

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkny1966

hi , thanks for replying to me , i left his father 13 yrs ago , after being with him for 17 yrs due to hi being unfaithful, we no not speak at all , alwful if i try he screams at me so i dont converse withhim anymore, hes awful a real bully , i hope when my son is free of him and he is at university, he might see sense and realise i am a good mum to him, bless you for replying to me, kimx

If that's what he's been around for a few years you're probably right that as he matures he'll see his dad's way of thinking isn't right. Just remember you're his mom and nobody can take your place he'll come around.

You can expect him to go through a lot of changes over the next few years even into his 30's he may go from loving dad to hating dad and same with you,he may have blaming issues especially if he doesn't know the whole story behind the divorce best thing is to be a good mother that doesn't mean letting him walk all over you