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-   -   Do exs get back after a break up and does it work? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=388887)

  • Aug 20, 2009, 11:22 AM
    richard2690
    Do exs get back after a break up and does it work?
    If you break up can you get back together and does it work the 2nd time round?
    Is there anyone out there who have broke up and had time apart and got back together?
    Why do we spit up and get back together?
  • Aug 20, 2009, 11:51 AM
    amicon
    Why do we breakup make up break up? Maybe we thrive on the drama-each of us acting out our childhood conditioning?I don't know.to your question does any couple make a go of it at the second attempt? Not in my experience.
  • Aug 20, 2009, 11:57 AM
    harriejansen

    Of course it can work. I broke up with my ex wife a lot in the beginning, later we were 20 years together... but of course... we divorced eventually! No guarantees in life, I think the most important question is: Can you handle it emotionally? If not, better not try again.
  • Aug 20, 2009, 11:58 AM
    richard2690

    OK harrie jansen how long where you apart before you got back together?
  • Aug 20, 2009, 12:09 PM
    harriejansen

    I don't remember exactly... for some weeks, then I went traveling around the world for a year, I came back, bought a house with her, we fought a lot, I bought LOTS of flowers... but that was in the 80's!
  • Aug 20, 2009, 04:19 PM
    Romefalls19

    Only after the emotional dust settles and you talk about the problems that broke you two up in the first place. After that, a reconciliation is possible but seldom works out. It's hard and after the dust settles, rarely do people even want to go back
  • Aug 21, 2009, 10:01 AM
    overayear

    Yes its possible, but its hard to capture what you had in the beginning.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 03:38 AM
    Clough
    Hi, richard2690!

    I have some neighbors who broke up after 25 years of marriage. Now, they're back together again and things seem to be going great for them! They've also been together again for a number of years. Also, I knew a couple, many years ago who were both musicians playing the same kind of instrument. Due to artistic differences and their individual temperaments, they broke up. They're now back together again.

    Things can work out the second time. Relationships take work, maintenance, understanding, communication, a willingness to give and take, love, an understanding and appreciation of the needs and wants of the other person, patience, time to heal wounds, an openness and willingness to learn, an openness and willingness to adapt to change, etc.

    Things can work out the second time around. Sometimes, they can be better than the first time.

    Thanks!
  • Aug 22, 2009, 03:52 AM
    amicon

    Well posted. It does mean that both people must work on themselves and for the relationship.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 03:55 AM
    Clough
    You're absolutely correct about that, amicon!

    Thanks!
  • Aug 22, 2009, 08:01 AM
    talaniman
    Unless you get the issues that broke you up in the first place resolved, then they will break you up again. That's what usually happens. Most couples that do break up, tend to forget to work on their issues together, and are unwilling to make the right adjustments, and changes, that it takes to resolve old issues.

    As Rome said, many just rather move on, and not deal with them. To bad they end up carrying that baggage into the next relationship as well.

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