My husband had a house he bought for 425k two years before we got married, and put down 260.00. He wanted a woman to stay home and not work and take care of kids. So we ended up with one boy and twins in 3 years. We bought a gym and I worked there never being paid. He put my name on the deed the day we married. We had the house together for 4 more years and it gained equity. I kept it up and staged it. Sold for 805 and we paid off the loan. And bought this house for 750 with 600 down. Now that it has been appraised 4 years later its only worth about 425. He keeps putting our earnings into house... solar panels 21k worth, 6k garage floor and cabinets 30k into backyard and now home theatre 8k plus who know how much more. Why would he get the 260 back from the first house that's crap. Why isn't that the money we lost in the recession on the house? He has never put me on our bank acct but has given me a small allowance as Im still home with the children twin 5 year olds and 7 year old. How can he get to keep the house when he puts all our money made over the last 3 years into it. How is that fair. He cut all my credit cards up and I went with out any money and had to get my own cards to pay for gas and anything I or the kids needed. All because I took 10k sitting in an acct from when we had the gym with my name on it... miracle! Put it in a CD in my name for attrny fees if needed. He asked me to stay home and not work. Now I'm being punished and I have 3 small kids he wants to put in the street to keep his 3600 sq ft home by himself. Are you sure he is entitled to 260 from first house? Also he has made all money decisions for stocks bought and sold and anything to do with money lost or gained. Mostly lost.


Just found out he has been on match.com for 5 months and dating more than 10 dates paying with our money. He takes money out of my allowance if something on a charge card looks like mine. Or if he feel it wasn't necessary. Control freak but great money manager. What judge would put us out of this house and how do I fight to get that 260 waived. I worked in our gym for a year and a half for no pay and 6 months before that every day fighting the city to get the permits. I have put so much into this marriage he wouldn't have half of what he has if it weren't for me... Please help

I'm confused. He's trying to divorce you and leave you and the kids with nothing?

All right, I do know a little bit. 1st of all look and see if there is a no fault law in your state.
I live in indana and the have that law, but a few states don't. Second go get all the money you can and put it in a separate account you may need it. 3rd he has money then he has good attorneys, so start talking to all attorneys meeting them. If you talked to them first then he can not use them. It is the law. Fourth pick the best attorney you can find. Start googling them now in your area. Family law. 5th if he has social connections then you may want to get an attorney to request the divorce to be heard by a different judge in a different and small hometown area, because small town judgfes do not like cheating husbands...

Yes basically figures I'll get half his salary and doesn't want me to have a penny more. I really said everything above is exactly how it was. I dismissed the divorce and now I'm finding more accts on match he still has open and I just don't trust him and its just a mess.

I would follow ed's advice, then. Also, he would HAVE to pay child support , and since he has basically prevented you from working you could probably get alimony, too.

Thank you I like the small town thing. But yes we live in a no fault state , and my attry is supposed to be good. But crap he won't even get out of our bed let alone leave. Im suffering horribly during this 6 months and I hate him for what he is trying to do. Our attrys charged 3 plus grand to fricken do nothing and now I dismissed it for the good of the kids and he came bearing his soul... and 2 weeks later... he didn't follow through with his end of the bargain... me to accept his cheating and forget it but he puts me on all our money accts... just for respect and trust... So tonight I basically paid my credit cards off 16k with his money in his acct from our refinance. I'm savvy enough to get into his accts daily as he changes his passwords. I never ever thought in a million years I would be doing this... he is going to his the roof when he sees that money gone.. its only hours left before he is up. He checks his accts by the hour and will probably stop the transactions and I'll be screwed.

Great Idea on the small town thing thank you... but running scarred to death right now.

You said our sttorneys, you are not going with one attorney are you? I have a friend going through this same thing and her husband left her, she is pregnant and I had to tell her this same thing. Attorneys are like politicians, they do not hate each other and on many cases attorneys that are on opposing sides actually hang out. They also are not emotional equipped to be emotional about each case and to understand what you are going through, so they say stupid things, like "Ican't believe you stayed married to him for this long" or "that person is an a$$ H0)e you are stupid for being with him." they do this to make it seem like they hate your spouce. Be prepared to do a lot of the leg work yourself. You can change the password on the account for a few hourrs and tell that the site has been messed up all day, tell him earlier a message appeared saying they were having diviculties (technical) and it has been working since. That way the transaction take place before he can stop it. Also you should get the kids and if you get the kids you should get the house and if you have the kids and the house and no job then he should have to pay for your attorney fees, child support and palimony, also tell you attorney he would not allow you to go back to school to get your degree in some frield or the other. IO hate to say it, but it is going to get nasty and if your attorneys good then he will kn0ow what to say and what not to.

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Originally Posted by eduman12

alright, I do know a little bit. 1st of all look and see if there is a no fault law in your state.
I live in indana and the have that law, but a few states don't. second go get all the money you can and put it in a seperate account you may need it. 3rd he has money then he has good attorneys, so start talking to all attorneys meeting them. if you talked to them first then he can not use them. it is the law. fourth pick the best attorney you can find. start googling htem now in your area. family law. 5th if he has social connections then you may want to get an attorney to request the divorce to be heard by a different judge in a different and small hometown area, because small town judgfes do not like cheating husbands....

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Can you quote or give reference where talking to oposing parties attorney is against the law anywhere ?

I believe your misunderstood on that part.

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Originally Posted by rwtexas

thank you I like the small town thing. But yes we live in a no fault state , and my attry is supposed to be good. but crap he wont even get out of our bed let alone leave. Im suffering horribly during this 6 months and I hate him for what he is trying to do. Our attrys charged 3 plus grand to fricken do nothing and now I dismissed it for the good of the kids and he came bearing his soul...and 2 weeks later ......he didnt follow through with his end of the bargain ...me to accept his cheating and forget it but he puts me on all our money accts....just for respect and trust ....So tonight I basically paid my credit cards off 16k with his money in his acct from our refinance. I'm savvy enough to get into his accts daily as he changes his passwords. I never ever thought in a million years I would be doing this....he is going to his the roof when he sees that money gone.. its only hours left before he is up. he checks his accts by the hour and will probably stop the transactions and I"ll be screwed.

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Why not file for divorce since that's where its headed and get it over with. Also he may or may not be able to stop the transactions if your name is on the accounts too. If its joint he can't do anything about it.

Maybe I mis-wrote something in my ariginal post or was not clear enough. If you speak to all the best attorneys in your area before he is able to speak wioth them, then they can not take his case if he comes to them. The Attorney by law can not, hear from one side and then go to the opposing side and go against them in a court of law. So if you go and speak to an attorney and then decided that another is better suited for you, he can not hire the other attorney. Apology for the misunderstanding

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

Why not file for divorce since thats where its headed and get it over with. Also he may or may not be able to stop the transactions if your name is on the accounts too. If its joint he can't do anything about it.

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If it is a joint account he can stop it, he has as much right as she does if it is joint. He can sit his butt down in the desk set and say "whoo, i did not do this, must of been my joint partner on this account. i think I will stop it." he has that ability as she had the anility to pay it. Make no mistake I am not on his side, I am just stating facts.

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Originally Posted by eduman12

Maybe I mis-wrote something in my ariginal post or was not clear enough. If you speak to all the best attorneys in your area before he is able to speak wioth them, then they can not take his case if he comes to them. the Attorney by law can not, hear from one side and then go to the opposing side and go against them in a court of law. so if you go and speak to an attorney and then decided that another is better suited for you, he can not hire the other attorney. apology for the misunderstanding

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While technically this is true, it's a common enough tactic that the bar/court will overlook the conflict if it becomes apparent that this is the reason for interviewing so many attorneys.

In addition, many lawyers will not get in depth enough to cause a conflict during the initial consultation just for this reason.

Thank you all for your help in answering some of my questions. My husband has agreed to give me 17 k half the refinance on the house. I will know in about an hour. Also put my name on the main acct. with trust as I had access to it for 8 years and never once abused it or took a dime. I'm actually shocked to be hearing all this from his mouth but finally something made him sensible, probably the war my father promised him.. lol I'm finally smiling again for a bit. But lets see if he puts me on the acct... Secondly as long as his attorney says OK tomarrow, he will move out for the week and he can move in for the weekend. But I get one weekend. Twin 5 year olds and a 7 year old going through chemo should not have to move out of a 3600 sq ft home because their father is unyielding. Now do I file a motion for temporary support, and legal separation, and see how it goes for awhile or 8 years is long enough 47 year old men don't change. Or just go through with divorce, file now for an amended petition, temporary
Motion for child support and alimony, we live on the property until court decides who gets it. Either way with support its only 860 a mo , plus utilities, and file a motion for primary custody of children.

I am so confused I just can't believe all the lies and match.com for 4 months and dating women, he told he was divorced with us living in an apt down the street. Looking for a lover and mate in lifes journey is what it said.
In your opinions Ultra members and protege's, what is the likely hood of us finding our way back and will I ever get passed what he did. ANd his obsession with keeping his money to himself. Sincerely Kimberli

Yes he stopped the funds from paying my accts off. Please see my new question

Actually I meant for you to know he stopped the funds from paying my accts before the last 2 posts. But now I'm looking for post 14 to get comments on... thank you all

Why do you keep creating new profile to respond with?

It was my husbands profile, so I started my own so you wouldn't get confused, I'm sorry.

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Originally Posted by eduman12

alright, I do know a little bit. 1st of all look and see if there is a no fault law in your state.
I live in indana and the have that law, but a few states don't. second go get all the money you can and put it in a seperate account you may need it. 3rd he has money then he has good attorneys, so start talking to all attorneys meeting them. if you talked to them first then he can not use them. it is the law. fourth pick the best attorney you can find. start googling htem now in your area. family law. 5th if he has social connections then you may want to get an attorney to request the divorce to be heard by a different judge in a different and small hometown area, because small town judgfes do not like cheating husbands....

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She doesn't work; any money she "gets" and puts in a separate account is still joint funds.

It is also not true in NY that an Attorney who "talks" to one party cannot later represent the other. That may be the law in Indiana.

Would like to see your research on small town Judges not liking cheating husbands and, therefore, siding with the non-cheating wife. Judges rule by law, not be personality.

Also don't know who hears divorces in Indiana, where you are. In NY it's a Supreme Court Judge, one Supreme Court per County. Divorces are most definitely not heard by "small town Judges."

Again - would appreciate it if you would post your research.

Eduman, I'm going to echo everyone else and ask you to cite the law in your state which won't allow an attorney to take on Party A as a client in a divorce case if they have already spoken to Party B. I know when I have called attorneys in the past to ask for advice, they first ask me for the other party's name to ensure that they're not already representing them. That's only so that they are not giving conflicting advice to both parties.

I've never heard of an attorney having to turn away work just because they spoke to someone else. If that were the case, attorneys in your area would never do consults without first being retained; doing so would be a major gamble because if Party A doesn't hire them, they're not allowed to be hired by Party B.