Most of know me from my post "Husband thinks I'm cheating", and I received a lot of good advice from that post. Let me make it known not all was what I wanted to hear but needed to hear.

Well, we have gone to counselling and he no longer wants to go because the counsellor makes him mad. He then takes it out on me the next day (by action towards me and verbally) I am not saying he is a baaaaaaad person, just doesn't know how to handle things well.

Anyhoooo-I am feeling very uninterested in this marriage. I admit (read previous post) that I flirted too much(so on and so forth). But I feel very hurt and resentful from his actions since the "event" on July 8th. I have apologized and apologized but I cannot anymore. He still makes hurtful remarks about me @#$*ing other men and I haven't, not anywhere near it. But I don't know what else to do to help this marriage. I feel like I am just "done" with it.

How can I rekindle things or are they too far gone to rekindle? I have done nothing with my friends since the July 8th event. I have taken up exercising as a past time, but I feel like I cannot do anything or he will get mad.

He looks on my e-mail (so I do this at work AMHD) because he get mad that I ask you people questions about my personal life.

I guess I don't know what to do. The hurt has gone on for over 4 months and he still makes comments. If I do not want to have sex, he thinks I'm "doing" someone else--when in all reality, I'm not interested.

Any feedback---I'm probably being selfish or something. :o

Thanks in advance.

I read through several posts in the previous thread on this subject back in August. The fact that it's still going on means you definitely have a problem. A lot of the answers in that thread contained a lot of good advice. Go back and re-read them and act on the best of that advice. You know which it is. Letting it go on is dangerous. Delay no longer. Act.

I think you would be better off without this angry man in your life. Whether he stays an angry man or not is up to him, but whether you stay with him or not is up to you.

At this point, it's really up to him. He has to accept your apology and "get over it".

You can't save the relationship alone, and he has to get past his anger. Right now, he is the one that really needs to look in the mirror and understand why he is angry and what it is he wants in his life with you.

The next time your husband suggests you are doing other men, very calmy and rationaly ask him if he really believes that, then ask him if he wants a divorce.

I don't think your overly flirty actions really warrant three months in isolation, loss of your friends, and a perpetually hostile husband.

This can be one of those things that you perpetuate by bouncing back and forth, trying to be on both sides of the street. It only changes when you pick one and go for it.

A person who feels "done" isn't in a position to rekindle a thing.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

This can be one of those things that you perpetuate by bouncing back and forth, trying to be on both sides of the street. It only changes when you pick one and go for it.

A person who feels "done" isn't in a position to rekindle a thing.

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Thank you Val--I appreciate your thought--very true and to the point.

People need that push.

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Originally Posted by phillysteakandcheese

I think you would be better off without this angry man in your life. Whether he stays an angry man or not is up to him, but whether you stay with him or not is up to you.

At this point, it's really up to him. He has to accept your apology and "get over it".

You can't save the relationship alone, and he has to get past his anger. Right now, he is the one that really needs to look in the mirror and understand why he is angry and what it is he wants in his life with you.

The next time your husband suggests you are doing other men, very calmy and rationaly ask him if he really beleives that, then ask him if he wants a divorce.

I don't think your overly flirty actions really warrant three months in isolation, loss of your friends, and a perpetually hostile husband.

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I also want to that you too Philly -- it is nice to get "logical, doable (lack of a better word)" steps from the opposite sex.

Sometimes I feel he is trying to push me away--like he doesn't want to make the move or something.

Thanks again Philly!

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Originally Posted by BIM

Thank you Val--I appreciate your thought--very true and to the point.

People need that push.

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You're welcome Bim. I read your last post on the other thread and want to say that change like this is never easy but one thing that helps when we are moving away from abuse is to remember (and have people in our lives who help remind us) that we are also moving towards something better!

I understand about being worn down so I am reminding you now to think back to some happy day in your life. You can be there again. :)

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

You're welcome Bim. I read your last post on the other thread and want to say that change like this is never easy but one thing that helps when we are moving away from abuse is to remember (and have people in our lives who help remind us) that we are also moving towards something better!

I understand about being worn down so I am reminding you now to think back to some happy day in your life. You can be there again. :)

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I thank you so much--as I sit at my computer with tears in my eyes--looking at the big wide world again starting over with my son. He will be my strength while I make my decisions. :o

You solution is to leave or make him leave. That's what married people do when they reach an impasse, somebody has to go. The time apart will make things more apparent and allow you both to think without the others input. A temporary separation is needed. Have courage and stop letting him abuse you. Yes that's what he is doing, in an effort to control. How can you fix something when both parties do not give 100%?? You can't.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You solution is to leave or make him leave. That's what married people do when they reach an impasse, somebody has to go. How can you fix something when both parties do not give 100%??? You can't.

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I smell what you're cookin' Tal--It's the first step that makes it hard. The drama and whirlwind that goes along with it. My son is also very attached to my 18 yr.old step son.

All due respect but the kids have nothing to do with what you must do. Yeah, I agree that first step is tough, so tell him to get the hell out, so you can have peace..!

It sounds like you've taken steps to correct the personal problems that jeopardized this marriage. Your husband needs to acknowledge that. Unfortunately it really doesn't sound like he's willing to. You didn't say exactly why the counselor "makes him mad." Either way, he should not be taking it out on you, he should take it out on the counselor! That's what they're there for. At this point, you may need to give him an ultimatum, to the effect that he either work with you to save this marriage and stop continuing to fuel the fire or you're leaving. Then be prepared to go through with it. Maybe he really doesn't want to save the marriage. I couldn't say why, but it's a possibility. Either way, you've now got to take control and insist that your husband do the same or it's over.

You personally have taken the necessary steps of improving on your marriage and showing him that you love him and do want to make it work. What has he shown you? Nothing really right, that is what you are telling us in this post. So I think it is time to end the suffering and move on. He is unwilling to compromise or even improve on himself or the marriage. Physical abuse is bad, but emotional abuse can leave bigger scars and wounds. It is time to heal now before it does get worse.