Okay,
I have been married for 24years. Back in the beginning I was unaware that the man I married was a narcissist. I should have realized it as he left his wife and 5 year old daughter for me. Of course, that wasn't the way it went down. His former wife just didn't show him any affection anymore...too consumed with being a mom. So being naïve of course I fell for it and knew that our life together would be different. LOL

Our life was not bad until the arrival of our son. He is a man that I think should never be a father... it is all about him. He has no room for anyone else... unless of course, be it a wife who wants to shower him with undying attention 24/7!

I tried for 17 years (my son is now 17) to get him involved with his son. You think I would give up... but for me there was always that ray of hope... never happened. If I would criticize his parenting ; " all the other kids dads read to their kids before bed.....he would probably be good at T-ball if you would show some interest and go throw him some balls..." You get the picture, right? He would listen intently than that very day or the next, for maybe 1 or 2 times he would do exactly what I said that he wasn't doing. This really has gone on for 17 years.
I readily admit (albeit not proud of it) that I stayed with him for one reason. I wanted to be a stay at home mom with my only son. If that meant giving up 'peace and joy' than so be it! If I would have left I would have had to work, find daycare, etc and my son would not have had 'any' parent. So, I stayed.

I have no regrets about that. My son is a fine young man and I had the privilege of being a mom, every step of the way... day to day! It has been a true blessing.

But, you know what... I am done. I don't feel anything about this man... well, maybe animosity... disgust... that type of feeling, but no love. The thing is how to leave.

We own a home that is beautiful, but in the last year has depreciated due to the economy. I do not have a job... I am looking, but how do I survive in this very stressful marriage until I can have some sort of plan?

Help... I need the joy of being 'out'... my son, my 2 dogs and I could have a peaceful existence by ourselves... but the? Is how can that be possible?

Thank you.

He isn't necessarily a narcissist. He could have Asperger's syndrome or just be a product of poor parenting with no modeling by his own father.

You are probably going to have to give the economy time to regain its feet. Meanwhile, both of you go for marital counseling, or, if he won't go, you go alone. That will help you devise a plan.

Have you talked this over with your son?
I was just wondering
Break-ups are hard on everyone involved
And even at 17 can change your whole outlook on life
You have this picture of you,your son,and the dogs being happily ever after
Its very well possible that it could go wrong
Your son could end up with the Dad and you very lonely or you could find yourself looking for advise on a out of control son few years down the road I am all for you finding your happiness but at what cost?

You need to go and speak to someone about how you're feeling and what you might do to get out of the marriage, if that is what you decide to do.

Your husband may not be all that you wanted him to be, and he may be a Narcissist or have Asperger's, but regardless of these things you chose to stay because there were benefits for you.

It's easy to say that the reason your son is 'a fine young man' is only due to your efforts, but your husband has also been present for 17 years and he is the father of your son.

I'm not saying don't leave, I'm saying take responsibility for your part in this scenario and give your husband some credit for staying - it's highly unlikely that he would have not felt your unhappiness.

Frustratedfan
One of the things I really like about this website is reading other posts and advise
There are a lot of questions regarding kids your sons age that are just out of control right now I'm going through a tough time with my son and this is after a divorce not trying to down play your well being I would implore you to think hard about upsetting your sons life at this critical age that is my main point if he was older gone to school what ever I would feel different
What do you think?

You freely admit that you stayed with your husband in order to be a "stay at home mum." As a man, can I say that this is one of the most hurtful things that someone can do to another human being. I am sure after 24 years your husband will be aware of this at some level. I don't know if you are capable of understanding this but this would leave him feeling unloved, unappreciated and taken advantage of. He may even be aware that he has wasted his life on someone who simply used him. It is also obvious that you have a very possessive, possibly overpampering attitude, towards you son. Does it not occur to you that this is likely to make your husband feel insecure and excluded and possibly CAUSE the very "lack of involvement" with your son that you complain about?
Your remark that he is the narcissist in your relationship I fear is a bit off target. You provide no reason for this, however your own self-centred, blaming attitude, lack of empathy for his feelings, parasitic nature and total lack of remorse for having no genuine feelings towards him would indicate that you might possibly be one yourself. Of course I would expect you would find the idea of this so preposterous that you will never consider it and merely try to justify all your actions. Sorry if you don't want to hear this but there you go. By the way your son is now 17 and you still don't have a job?
Do your husband a favour, tell him you want out. He deserves a chance at being with someone who might actually love him rather than a user.

I think that you should probably skip the marriage counselling. There is no love to work with, only contempt and loathing.

Instead, go and see a lawyer, and find out what you need to do to secure a separation agreement. I think that waiting for the economy to improve so you get more for the house, is just adding insult to injury.

If there is nothing holding you to the man you married, nothing to work on, no future, then do yourself, and him a favour, and end it.