I live in Indiana. Recently my husband was in the hospital in the ICU. One of his doctors, while in a public area of the ICU became aggravated with my sister and I asking her questions and very loudly told my sister and I that he had cancer and was dying. She further said that everything they had done for him was a waste of medical equipment, professionals time, and drugs. She also said as soon as he was taken off the ventilator he would die. I hate it that she talked to us this way, that it was in a public area, and that my husband could also hear her. I have talked twice with the hospital's director of patient advocacy and she says it will be reviewed but so far, nothing. This incident happened on May 7, 2009. My husband subsequently died later that day. I feel like I have tried to give the hospital the opportunity to do the right thing but it doesn't seem as though it will even be reviewed. I really don't want it just to be swept under the rug but I don't know what my options are.

Who overheard the conversation? When my husband was dying I had all sorts of discussions with Physicians in the ICU waiting room. It was simply a matter of me not wanting them to talk in front of him and having no place else to go. They are busy people, of course.

I have no idea why the Physician spoke to you in a rude manner - I would think the Hospital should address this entire issue but I do not see a HIPAA violation here. I do know that when my husband was in ICU I was told that his condition/treatment would be discussed with ONE person, no more than ONE person, and, therefore, anyone else who had questions was brushed off rather rudely.

My sympathy on your loss.

This conversation took place in a hallway in the ICU. I really don't know who was there other than the nurses and my sister and I (I think I was in the state of shock then). I really just want the hoppital to deal with this particular doctor but I don't know how to get them to act. I don't want any other family to have to go through this.

In this case you report the doctor to the AMA if the hospital won't do anything about it. This is not a HIPAA violation.

My concern is - and I'm not unsympathic. Please believe me. My husband died after 3-1/2 horrendous weeks in ICU so I've see it all - you say, "She further said that everything they had done for him was a waste of medical equipment, professionals time, and drugs. She also said as soon as he was taken off the ventilator he would die" - what is your objection to that statement (other than her tone)?

Quite frankly, and I would have fought the Devil with my bare hands to keep him alive, when it reaches this stage death is a merciful end to suffering.

What part of her statement do you disagree with? Did the medical care/treatment help at all? Were you insisting that care/treatment be continued, even though the medical professionals felt all hope was gone? Did he pass away shortly after he was removed from the ventilator?

I found - and, as I said, I've been there - that the Doctors spoke the truth, sometimes harshly and sometimes not, but it was the Nurses who kept me informed. (Side issue, I know.)