I am really confused about myself. I am a nice and respectable person however, no one has ever wanted to marry me or even live with me for that matter. I really don't understand how this happens for so many people. I actually would simply be happy if someone would just live with me why we are together so we can help each other but I have never been any males candidate for this either. I am currently in a relationship with someone who says he wants to be with me but will never get married, have children or live together. He is a very nice respectable man of high integrity. My past relationships have resulted in very little trust for anyone. They consisted of a great deal of lies and cheating. So having someone who will stay with me forever as long as we live in separate houses seems like it is really the best I can get as of now. Not really sure what to do about this. I feel so behind in comparison to everyone else, no family just alone and never anyone who has ever taken me even remotely seriously.

I am very miserable at this time and very saddened at the fact that despite the fact that I had a horrible childhood it is painfully obvious that that I will never have anyone to fall in love with me or love me for that matter. I just wonder why this is the case and what I did to be punished in this manner when it seems to happen so effortlessly for everyone else. I don't think I am asking for much at all but for some reason it is apparent that I will never get anything remotely close to this. I am hurt and disgusted that so many horrible things have happened in my dealings with people in my life. I just want to know what I am doing wrong.

I think your looking for someone to be happy with, instead of being happy with yourself. That's where love and happiness starts, with yourself.

Your happiness should not come from someone else it should come within yourself. It's hard but it's the only way to feel complete. I don't want to seem judgmental but you are wallowing yourself in pity. I've seen tons of people doing that to themselves and they never had the guts to change anything about their lives.

Be happy alone then you'll find someone who deserve you. If you don't have the same goals as your boyfriend it is OK to break up.

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Originally Posted by paxe

Your happiness should not come from someone else it should come within yourself. It's hard but it's the only way to feel complete. I don't want to seem judgmental but you are wallowing yourself in pity. I've seen tons of people doing that to themselves and they never had the guts to change anything about their lives.

Be happy alone then you'll find someone who deserve you. If you don't have the same goals as your boyfriend it is ok to break up.

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It is very frustrating to hear people say that. I have been happy alone and by myself and have yet to find anyone. I have always been alone. It is very frustrating to hear someone say that when I know plenty of people who hate being alone who were able to find these simplet things I just don't know what to do. I am not wallowing in myself pity. I am just sad and disgusted that after all the horrible things I have been through in life that I had no control over that I can't have something as simple as this.

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Originally Posted by aukendra

It is very frustrating to hear people say that. I have been happy alone and by myself and have yet to find anyone. I have always been alone. It is very frustrating to hear someone say that when I know plenty of people who hate being alone who were able to find these simplet things I just dont' know what to do. I am not wallowing in my self pity. I am just sad and disgusted that after all the horrible things I have been through in life that I had no control over that I can't have something as simple as this.

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Not being able to get someone to love and spend time with can be frustrating.Thats a fact.Ok,so what next?Do you want to keep harping on that and FEELING sad and depressed?Do you want to appear desperate and unhappy to men whom you meet?Is there much you can do about your situation going on the way you are,i.e worrying,fretting,agonising?In my opinion,that way you aren't being the best,positive,happy person you can be,which can be a put off in a relationship.

Love comes at its own sweet time and pace.Sometimes some of us are just not that fortunate as others are in this aspect.But maybe we have other things going for us that they don't have.Think about ALL the good things going for you,the things where you are way ahead of, than others.

We always tend to want it all,without actually making the most of what we have.Instead of building our lives for ourselves,on our own terms,we want to lead someone else's lives without knowing what they are actually going through.Dont look too hard for the things that are not yet there.Build a happy life for yourself,on your own,without anybody else's help and feel proud and good about it.When you feel good about yourself,good things start happening.Dont lose these times.They'll never come back.You should know since you obviously have suffered so much as you say in your childhood.At least do something to make your adult life as happy,peaceful and exciting for yourself as you can.

Celine Dion has this song which goes like"When you want it the most,theres no easy way out/When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt/Dont give up on your faith/Love comes to those who believe it/And thats the way it is".

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I have been through in life that I had no control over that I can't have something as simple as this.

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Its not a simple thing to have or keep. What do you think keeps you from getting what you want?

I'm frustrated about a lot of things in my life, but no one ever said that things would come easy. It takes work to get what you want in life. Rarely are things just handed to you.

I think what you need is some sort of release to ease your frustration a bit.

Have you thought about devoting time to something worth while? Maybe volunteer somewhere, join a club or take up a martial art?

You need to do something to keep you occupied that also acts as release for your frustration.

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Originally Posted by jmw0713

I'm frustrated about a lot of things in my life, but no one ever said that things would come easy.  It takes work to get what you want in life.  Rarely are things just handed to you.I think what you need is some sort of release to ease your frustration a bit.Have you thought about devoting time to something worth while?  Maybe volunteer somewhere, join a club or take up a martial art?You need to do something to keep you occupied that also acts as release for your frustration.

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I am really just tired. I have tried a numerous amount of things, started a business and an organization to keep myself preoccupied but it continues to haunt me. The fact that I am getting older and have to find anyone who even remotely thinks that I am serious relationship material. I am approaching my mid thirties, I always dreamed of having children and a family because mine was so screwed up as a child. I was physically abused constantly and I always wanted to be able to have children to try to have a normal life. Unfortunately men typically leave me marry to someone else or just don't want anything serious from me at all. I have accomplished everything that I have alone with no help from anyone as my family is not very close at all. My lack a of a strong relationship with my mother which I will never have because she abused me yet she refuses to forgive me for leaving as a teenager to find a safe haven. My sisters who were considerably younger didn't leave therefore she has vowed that they are her daughters and I am not. I can honestly say that this life of loneliness is entirely too much for me. I have never looked to be married at all. I have always just accepted my lonely circumstances and always been upbeat and cheerful but I am now coming to the realization that I will probably be like this forever. I just sometimes wonder why God can't just bless me with someone to love since I had to suffer so much as a child and all through adulthood. The people that I see getting married have supportive families and strong networks, people to lean on when they need something. I have never had this yet for some reason I still can't seem to find love. Even when I have been close they end up leaving when the find out about my horrific past and family situation. They always leave to find a woman who has a strong family network as I guess my situation was too scary for them. I just feel that I am cursed. Sadly enough.

There is always someone out there for everyone.

Don't take this question the wrong way, but you you immediately dive head long in relationships, meaning, do you get clingy or immediately form your whole life around your partner? Do you dump all of your emotion anguish on them immediately instead of over time?

On the other hand...

Are you so independent, driven, and used to being alone, that you do everything for yourself, even when a man is around? Do you ever ask your partner to help, or do you just keep them out of it and take care of things on your own? Are you so guarded, that you can't let yourself trust any men you meet?

If you exhibit any of the above tendencies or characteristics, you may be scaring the men off, or they are not strong enough to handle you. You maybe rushing into things too fast and dumping all of your past on them right from the get go. If you are, you need to stop doing that, and let your relationships develop to a point, where you can let them in on the secrets of your past, piece by piece. Not all at once. Even the strongest man will run from a woman who dumps all of their emotional baggage on them right at the start.

As for the second part, if you are so independent and involved in all of the other things that you have going on in your life, maybe the men you have met felt like you didn't need them or want them. Being extremely guarded makes it very difficult to move things along because you don't allow your partner inside to see who you really are. An intimate bond can't form when a partner keeps putting up barriers.

Guys like to feel like their woman needs them from time to time to help out or get things done,not all the time, but enough to show you we care. I know I do. We show love by actions, not emotion. If there is not enough room in a woman's life for us to show/act our love, then we begin to feel like we are not needed.

We feel your pain and it really shows you are quite hurt from your past. You don't have any emotional or social support that most people have but then again, you seem to have much more than most people.
I don't think the problem would come from "faith" as it would come from you. It is not true that men will just leave after hearing your story. I know I would be more attracted because I love helping people out and it touches a soft spot. It also seem you are putting yourself a lot of pressure to find someone and the pain and suffering seems to come from there.

You should learn to let go of everything you are wishing for. Have you ever gone to the beach once and just gazed at the ocean and not thinking about anything?
Well that's the kind of mindset you should put yourself in. Many people WITH family aren't happy. Half of all marriage ends up in divorce.

The pain only comes from within as it is not a physical pain. It's only by changing the way you think that you'll feel better.

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Originally Posted by aukendra

I am really just tired. I have tried a numberous amount of things, started a business and an organization to keep myself preoccupied but it continues to haunt me. The fact that I am getting older and have to find anyone who even remotely thinks that I am serious relationship material. I am approaching my mid thirties, I always dreamed of having children and a family because mine was so screwed up as a child. I was physically abused constantly and I always wanted to be able to have children to try to have a normal life. Unfortunately men typically leave me marry to someone else or just don't want anything serious from me at all. I have accomplished everything that I have alone with no help from anyone as my family is not very close at all. My lack a of a strong relationship with my mother which I will never have because she abused me yet she refuses to forgive me for leaving as a teenager to find a safe haven. My sisters who were considerably younger didn't leave therefore she has vowed that they are her daughters and I am not. I can honestly say that this life of loneliness is entirely too much for me. I have never looked to be married at all. I have always just accepted my lonely circumstances and always been upbeat and cheerful but I am now coming to the realization that I will probably be like this forever. I just sometimes wonder why God can't just bless me with someone to love since I had to suffer so much as a child and all through adulthood. The people that I see getting married have supportive families and strong networks, people to lean on when they need something. I have never had this yet for some reason I still can't seem to find love. Even when I have been close they end up leaving when the find out about my horrific past and family situation. They always leave to find a woman who has a strong family network as I guess my situation was too scary for them. I just feel that I am cursed. Sadly enough.

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Aukendra,please don't be so hard on yourself... your heart and soul have suffered so much and now they need your mind and body to love them,nurture them and make them see the happier side of things.

Please stop dwelling so much on your sad past.. you are mistaken when you say God isn't being kind to you.Reading your post makes me feel God has blessed you with such a sweet nature and wonderful personality,you just have to have faith in yourself and your God.

Just do this little by little every day.Stand in front of the mirror,then smile your most brilliant,brightest smile and appreciate yourself,in your own way and your own words,like you would somebody else you saw and liked.Almost like you were complementing a third person.Say the words loud and clear so that you hear them and they resonate in your ears.

The moment you feel down and out anytime during the day,rewind to that time when you complemented yourself in front of the mirror and try going back in your mind and recollect all that you said to yourself.ALmost like playing a tape.

Make yourself a vow:YOU WILL BE HAPPY.YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO MAKE YOURSELF SMILE EACH DAY,EVERY DAY.Think of yourself as a child that needs a mother's love when sad and upset.If you can think of loving some man somewhere,why not give the same love to yourself?

There's nothing human beings can't do when they put their minds to it.Being happy and loving oneself will become a habit for you,if you practise it long enough.Why don't you just start trying?

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Originally Posted by aukendra

It is very frustrating to hear people say that. I have been happy alone and by myself and have yet to find anyone. I have always been alone. It is very frustrating to hear someone say that when I know plenty of people who hate being alone who were able to find these simplet things I just dont' know what to do. I am not wallowing in my self pity. I am just sad and disgusted that after all the horrible things I have been through in life that I had no control over that I can't have something as simple as this.

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Simple? I think simple is a severe understatment for this. Getting married and living with somebody is a huge step, more for somepeople than others. I don't know what your childhood was like but you should really move on... it's just a page in a book that needs the be flipped, start a brand new chapter.
Like they say, its always darkest before dawn, maybe you haven't found that right sombody. You should really get to know each other before you start thinking about living with each other. Once some people get married or move in with somebody they may encounter problems that make them realize they don't really know the person as well as they thought they did. So please, give it som time before you give up, want to move/get married, or say he's the one for me. There really are "plenty of fish in the sea" to jump ahaid with one after a short time.
Hope I was of some help :)

Your story may sound almost exactly like my own.
And those folks who suggest you to be happy with yourself or to find some happiness in doing something like volunteering are absolutely wrong.Nothing will ever fill the void and replace that special connection between two human beings. But those guys just seem to be incapable to feel those simple but very necessary human feelings. No pet, no actwill ever replace a human touch. I know it, and you seem to know it too. Now there are two of us.

Reading the OP's posts, I get the sense of crying and emotions are being driven into the ground instaead of being channeled positively.
This isn't good behavior. Not sure what to do about it.

I know it's really hard for you. I didn't experience this, but I wish you the best. Just please, don't pity yourself, is not like everyone wants it to be so. Really, to tell you the truth, if I knew you personally, I would spend my time helping you. Please, be hopeful don't be hopeless. I'll tell you this story. I know this woman, she was in the same situation as you. Her dad killed her mom and her dad was arrested and so she ended up as an orphan. About the property, well it all went to her auntie, who didn't even accept her. But this woman didn't give up. She became a successful investor now. Even though she had her hardship during her adulthood, she managed to meet a kind-hearted person, who is her husband and the father of 1 son right now. She married to her at her age of 32.

I'm telling you this, so please, don't give up. Just say "it's not over until I win". In my case, you know, I never give up on anything easily, especially, on sth what would bring me happiness.

You'll see what will happen when you'll win. Everyone will admit your strength, they will admire you. Because not everyone with this sad life can make it happy. And if you manage to do it... wouldn't be it awesome? That's your uniqueness. Your story is unique.

So please, stop the tears. It won't help you anyway. Only you can help yourself and maybe me if I would be there :D. I believe in you. Even though I'm 18 years old boy, but I will support you until the end, OK?

So please, stop the tears and go for it... there is always a kind-hearted man who will accept your love forever...

She married to him... my bad I was typing too fast

Me.. I'll marry you..

The desire to have a special someone or to marry the one and live happily ever after is a consequence of the myth of romantic love. It doesn't exist or at the very least, it doesn't last forever. Don't put your happiness on this one.

Moreover, there is no such assurance that a partner or a husband will make you happy. What if that guy turns out to be a bad guy who lies, cheats, and steals; and later he leaves you, but without first wreaking havoc on your life? Worse, what if he is in fact a serial killer or murderer who is out there to victimize you? Would you rather have that?

You are not the only person who has no better half in this life. Take celebrities like Oprah, Jennifer Aniston, and the newly separated or divorced Sandra Bullock. They are single and beyond their 30s, and yet they seem happy.