Ask Me Help Desk - Traditional surrogacy and adopting husbands baby

I'm a little bit lost at this point. My husband and I are using traditional surrogacy to have a child. And we have been blessed with a friend undergoing the procedures. Since she is a friend we are not paying her anything other than groceries/medical/insurance/etc. Everything we'd do for ourselves if I was able to get pregnant.

My question is regarding the parental rights at the birth of this child. We want to have our names in the child's birth certificate, and be able to take the child home with us after its born (since she is relinquishing her parental rights). But is that possible at that point? We aren't thinking of adopting until a couple of months after the baby is born, due to us beign in the military and not knowing what province we will be in at that point.

Am I as his wife able to assume custody of the child since I am married to the birth/biological father? So would I be able to bring the baby home with us?

Also would I be entitled to paternity (not maternity, I already know I'm not entitled to that) since it woul dbe me staying home takign care of the baby? I know in a normal pregnancy th epaternity can be split between the mother and father, or taken solely by either. But since it's his biological child and only mine through marriage does that make it different?

Any help is apprechiated.

The child is considered LEGALLY to be the child of the surrogate, regardless of DNA.

Surrogacy is a messed up thing, legally, and each state has its own laws.

You NEED to have a lawyer involved with all of this, to walk you through it.

Legally, after she gives birth, she could take that child and run, and then get child support from your husband.

You will NEED to adopt the child.

Get a lawyer, and get one fast, or you're going to find a whole lot of mess regarding the whole thing.

To address your issue of maternity leave - that's a question for your Human Resources department. I would imagine you would be able to take some time off not paid. My company in MA did not have a paternity leave policy but I was allowed to take all of my vacation time and they advanced me another 2 weeks, but that was mostly because I worked through a lot of my vacation from home anyway.

Does where you work have a paternity leave policy? Since technically this is an adoption, does it have a policy for that?

Ask your HR.

Legally, after she gives birth, she could take that child and run, and then get child support from your husband.
What are you saying with this? We have a contract with lawyers present when signed even though we are going through a friend. We all decided to go about this legally was the best idea. I just didn't have any information on adoption yet. Due to the law her ein ontario is that a child isn't able to be adopted until it's betwene 6 weeks and 6 months old. So my question wa sin regards to since we have the contract, and she's relinquishing her rights, there should be no problem with takign the baby home once it's born, since nothing else legally can be done until 6 weeks anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunshinewoman

Legally, after she gives birth, she could take that child and run, and then get child support from your husband.
What are you saying with this? We have a contract with lawyers present when signed even though we are going through a friend. We all decided to go about this legally was the best idea. I just didnt have any information on adoption yet. Due to the law her ein ontario is that a child isnt able to be adopted until it's betwene 6 weeks and 6 months old. So my question wa sin regards to since we have the contract, and she's relinquishing her rights, there shoudl be no problem with takign the baby home once it's born, since nothign else legally can be done until 6 weeks anyways.

You didn't SAY that you have a lawyer and contract already.

What does your lawyer say about all of this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunshinewoman

Legally, after she gives birth, she could take that child and run, and then get child support from your husband.
What are you saying with this? We have a contract with lawyers present when signed even though we are going through a friend. We all decided to go about this legally was the best idea. I just didnt have any information on adoption yet. Due to the law her ein ontario is that a child isnt able to be adopted until it's betwene 6 weeks and 6 months old. So my question wa sin regards to since we have the contract, and she's relinquishing her rights, there shoudl be no problem with takign the baby home once it's born, since nothign else legally can be done until 6 weeks anyways.

Here is part of the problem you might face. Can she relinquish her rights when there is no adoption taking place ? See where it gets messy is that yoyur husband is the legal father and until being replaced the surroget mother is the mother. So it may be a matter of waiting for the adoption to take place when it comes to your concerns and it may be that only the father could remove the child from the hospital. You might be able to contact the hospital and ask them to see what they say. Here in the U.S. the are pretty strict about who can even go near newborns.

We have a contract and a community lawyer. We were only in contact with ours and theirs for the writing of the contract and signing. When it comes down to the adoption we will have to seek a different lawyer at that point, since he doesn't deal with that. He says it can be difficult when you're dealing with a stranger. But when you're dealing with family and clsoe friends he says that ops out a whole bunch of difficulties.