My boyfriend and I aren't married yet, in August we are getting married, I have a son, he has a son and we are having a baby in June. We are concerned that my son will be confused that everyone has the same last name but him. Granted, his father has only seen him maybe 5 times in two years, I have never received a nickel from him either, my fiancée has supported him for almost a year and a half. My son calls him daddy, how can he go about adopting my son either before or after we get married (NY state)?? Please help.

As far as I know, the biological father may have to sign over his rights, and you need to petition the court so that your soon to be husband can have custody... but not sure in which order.

http://www.adoption.org/adopt/adopti...york-court.php

http://www.childcustody.net/45.html

I am not from the United Stated so I do not know how you would go about have your husband adopt your son, but I think it is a great idea! To your son, your husband is his daddy. He has been his quidance and role model through these years. I believe in building a strong family foundation where everyone feels like they role in the family unit. I believe that is would be beneficial to have your husband adopt your son, so that you all have the same last name, as having a different name will confuse your son and make him feel more like an outsider in the family the older he gets. It really is in the best interest of you and your family. It seems like you have a great head on your sholders and that you care about your family a great deal. I am happy to hear that your son has such a caring father figure in his life, and I wish you all the best. Congratulations on the marriage. :D

Here are some sites you can search to find out about the adoption process. I hope this helps...
http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/adopt/process.asp

http://www.nysba.org/Content/Content...N.NEW.YORK.pdf

First find the grounds for termination of parental rights, they're all pretty much the same but can varry from state to state. Find out how many times and how many different way the bio father has violated based on your state law. File a petition of complaint in your local family law office usually in a court house fill out the necessary forms indicating your complaint. The plaintif will pay a fee after filing a complaint. Then you will have 30 60 0r 90 days based on where the defendant lives to serve him or her the papers. The plaintif cannot serve the defendant. The sheriff will charge a fee. They will respond with an answer if they are not going to fight it in court then come to an agreement. If you're like me say bump the other guy and do your thing. If they want to fight it I suggest you keep records of as much as possible. The judge will favor your side if:
The child is your dependent
The child perfers to be with you
The child is in your physical custody
It is in the child's best interest
There is no complaint on the adoptees side
If the bio parent has shown extreme parental disintrest
If the bio parent has displayed neglective behavior
If the bio parent has not contributed to child support
If the bio parent has a criminal backround
If you and one of the parents are married
If you and the other parent have a child relating the first to you by the second
If you have been the primary caretaker of the child
If you have been there since birth
And much more
If you want to adopt first obtain legal custody its soooooooo much easier that way
Is easier to gain custody if you're married and you first have the bio parent gain sole custody legaly and phisically then have the other bio parent stripped of their legal rights if they do not respond in 30 60 or 90 days based on where they live they will forfeit the case and you can have a judge rule in his or her place usually favoring the plaintif
Whittnesses help! Neighbors pastors teachers doctors grandparents get all the support in that courtroom you can it will sway the judges ruling! Getting married is the first step its also 50% of the war! Good luck and peace be with you!
:o

Have your boyfriend petition the court to adopt your son. The father will have to give consent for it to happen.

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Originally Posted by jessi_ty

My boyfriend and I aren't married yet, in August we are getting married, I have a son, he has a son and we are having a baby in June. We are concerned that my son will be confused that everyone has the same last name but him. Granted, his father has only seen him maybe 5 times in two years, I have never received a nickel from him either, my fiancee has supported him for almost a year and a half. My son calls him daddy, how can he go about adopting my son either before or after we get married (NY state)???? please help.

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In most states the father must consent to the adoption, doesn't matter if he has not paid a nickel of child support, they are two separate issues, at least in the state I reside in ---- here is what my attorney did, similar situation, married my childhood sweetheart but after she met, married and had a child with him, I supported daughter until she was about 6 yrs old at which time my next door neighbor and his wife invited us out to eat, the atty friend asked if I ever considered adopting my wife's child, I said "No, I dont want to disturb the non existant relationship she has with him, dont want my step daugh upset by having to go with her father for say a weekend and not even know him", then changed my mind the next day, two weeks later the father consented to my adoption for fear we would pursue him for approx $20,000.00 back child support. Hope this helps you.