Ask Me Help Desk - Friends-Dating-Friends again

Friends-Dating-Friends again

So... my story is a long one because it goes back like 1 year or so but I really need help and I would really really really appreciate any help =D

To start with there was this guy and he added me on msn and started to talk to me. A month later or so I was out with my friends and met up with him, had a short conversation and said goodbye. We continued to talk on msn and from then we met like 5 times again, just a chat and said goodbye again. He used to tell me that I am shy and never talk to him and that it irritates him but he likes me still.

I didn't really like this guy because of his appearance basically so I tried to stop talking to him but he kept in contact as he was mad about me. At this point I had never gone out with him so I decided to tell him that I was in a relathionship with another boy so that he would stop running after me. This hurted him a lot and now I really feel sorry that I did it but looking back it was the only option that I had to try to stop him go crazy about me without hurting him but in fact it had the opposite result. He went ever crazier about me and kept talking to me. I respected him and so kept talking to him but I showed him that all I wanted was the friend zone. From there we became really close (as friends). He revealed his true feelings and I must admit that from there I began to fall for him.

We met more often in a group but then we decided to go on a date. So there it goes... we went out together. We both had fun and stuff and a week later we met in a group again. My "mistake" is here! I didn't give him a lot of attention that day... I talked to another boy in the group and left this guy I went out with like the odd one out.

From there when he talked to me on msn he looked strange so I decided to ask him what happened and he said nothing forget it. Weeks later we were talking and he said that he didn't knew where he was with me and that I don't show him what I really feel for him. He also told me that I am too shy and never try to start a conversation.

I know that this is true but I don't want to lose him and I really like him. Can someone tell me how to be close again please?

Tell him you are sorry about how you acted and you are starting to really care about him you just needed time because you weren't into the idea of jumping into any relationship.

Try and find things to talk about. Ask him about school, what his favorite sports and hobbies are, what he would like to do when he graduates and things like that.

I think its him, more than you, and in that case you should pay attention, as he is not accepting you, but is trying to change you, to get more attention.

Be careful here, as guys who are insecure, or needy, will always push for more, no matter what you give them. He may also be a bit immature also, another reason to be careful.

You can make more of an effort to be attentive, but don't let love blind you into appeasing a fragile ego, That's not really a healthy thing to do in a relationship.

Yep Tali
(have to spread the rep)
I was thinking the same thing that he sounds rather insecure and its more him than her.
I thought I might have been just reading into it though

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Be careful here, as guys who are insecure, or needy, will always push for more, no matter what you give them. He may also be a bit immature also, another reason to be careful.

You can make more of an effort to be attentive, but don't let love blind you into appeasing a fragile ego, That's not really a healthy thing to do in a relationship

Sorry but I didn't understand what you mean exactly by "needy" and with the phrase "don't let love blind you into appeasing a fragile ego."

And yes in fact I think that he is craving for attention that's why he is doing this because he lied about me once and he admitted that he lied about me but didn't tell me what the lie was. I got to know from a friend what the lie was and basically it was for attention.

He is also telling me that he wants a girl that can really love him to start a relationship with. Is that an invitation or what? :confused:

Needy-clingy ---always needing to hear your voice, needing to know where you are and what you are doing.

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Originally Posted by this-love

I tried to stop talking to him but he kept in contact as he was mad about me. At this point I had never gone out with him so I decided to tell him that I was in a relationship with another boy so that he would stop running after me. This hurt him a lot and now I really feel sorry that I did it but looking back it was the only option that I had to try to stop him go crazy about me without hurting him but in fact it had the opposite result. He went ever crazier about me and kept talking to me. I respected him and so kept talking to him but I showed him that all I wanted was the friend zone. ?

Don't let love blind you into appeasing a fragile ego

He sounds like he is desperate to be in a relationship and then when he is and he doesn't like something he goes away to lick his wounds rather than stand up and work the problem out.

Yes that's exactly what he did. He put all the blame on me for this as he said that I don't give him all the attention bla bla bla =(.

How can I arrange the situation?

People like this tend to have a knack of tying your hands with their words to make you look and feel like the bad guy.
He wants you to go crying and begging for forgiveness.
DON'T stoop to that level
You are better than that and you deserve better
Move on if he wants to continue these word games

Tell him where you were (in the relationship) up until HE got acting funny about ''your mistake''
Was great, but now he seems to be taking it in a different direction so you don't know.

Then the ball is in his court if he is going to keep acting strange or whatever

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How can I arrange the situation?

Stand up for yourself, and don't let his BS, make you feel bad. When he gets unreasonable you let him know. If he gets carried away too much, kick his butt to the curb, and get a healthy caring guy who you can have fun getting to know.

what is BS please?

I know you are right and understood the situation quite well and for that thanks a lot! I appreciate =)

The thing is that I think that he is doing this because he really likes me.

I wish to make things right but exactly as you said he wants me to go crying and begging for forgiveness.

=/

BS is the words he uses to try and make you feel like YOU did something wrong.

Yes that's what he did.

Now if I talk to him he talk to me but if I don't he doesn't either. Do you think he is playing a game to get me to apologize or something?

Well if he isn't playing a game and he isn't calling you maybe he just doesn't want to be with you any more.
Maybe you should quit contacting him at all and save the aggravation.

Isn't there any way to get him back? I miss him =/.

& I don't really think that he doesn't want to be with me anymore because he said that he had fun with me when we went out together but he said that he thought that I won't show him my true feelings that's why he didn't ask for another date.

I think that he feels that I don't care about him and yesterday he said that he missed me.

I just want to know how to show him that I care about him without literally falling for him.

Then if he still remains strange I'll be off =)

I think we have told you already that the only thing to do to get him back is to tell him how you feel about him, how you have really grown to care about him and that you would like things back where they were. Then it is up to him.

Ok thanks a lot! =D
& sorry if I was annoying but I am really confused at the moment.

You aren't being annoying

And I have learned in life that when we are confused about a relationship it is usually because we are trying to fit something that maybe isn't right for us into what we want and feel we have to have.

So if it doesn't work maybe it wasn't meant to be.

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The thing is that I think that he is doing this because he really likes me.

Meet him half way but if he loved you he wouldn't have to change you to love you. Tell him how you feel. He needs reassurance, how much? Only you can answer. If its too much, then this isn't much of a healthy relationship.

BS - bull crap.

It's not love because we are not together or anything. It was just a date.

I will tell him how I feel. Any ideas how to start the conversation or anything? So that I don't look like I am crazy about him.

Also... he once told me that I looked that I am the type of girl that makes fun of guys and then I asked him if he still thinks of me that way and he said yes.

I want to show him that I care about him!

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I think we have told you already that the only thing to do to get him back is to tell him how you feel about him, how you have really grown to care about him and that you would like things back where they were. Then it is up to him.

Tell him you have grown to care about him and that you really would like a chance to really get to know each other better and you really liked the way things were going when you were hitting it off really well