Ask Me Help Desk - How do I change my attitude?

I'm a negative person.
I'm unbelievably hard on myself in almost every aspect of my life and always put myself down.
I blame every bad thing that has ever happened to me as my fault and my fault only.
I will constantly say to myself, "if I was only smarter, faster, stronger, etc.." or "If I wasn't so dumb, slow, weak, etc.."

My negative feelings toward myself has led to several things:
OCD about certain aspects of my life.
Random outbursts of anger that I usually take out on myself.
Every morning I wake up telling myself to try to be less negative today, yet every night I find myself in another depression-filled self loathing state.

Though overtime I am starting to get better, but a lot of these feelings of anger come in waves. Sometimes I fear I will seriously hurt myself or even worse harm somebody else.

I do my very best to hide all emotions I feel with laughter and jokes, but most people who really know me know that I'm beating myself up again.

How can I turn my attitude around?

You can't just change straight away, I have an attitude the same. Except I don't blame myself I look at situations. You can try and tell yourself these things it cn work, but also spend lots of time with your friends do rebel stuff and enjoy life, Alcohol can also boost your confidence

Quote:

Originally Posted by novak

you can't just change straight away, i have an attitude the same. except i dont blame myself i look at situations. you can try and tell yourself these things it cn work, but also spend lots of time with ur friends do rebel stuff and enjoy life, Alcohol can also boost ur confidence

What? You should never recommend alcohol to some one that may has depression or anger issues.

I would first suggest that you visit your doctor and discuss this with him/her.

Hi, robfitz111!

You're absolutely correct, Stringer! Among other things, robfitz111 has already voiced the following:

Quote:

Sometimes I fear I will seriously hurt myself or even worse harm somebody else.

Drinking alcoholic beverages would be more likely to make those kinds of thoughts become real events.

Robfitz111, please get to a doctor of some kind to see if there's the possibility that something chemical in your brain might be affecting the way that you think and feel. I know what it's like to be so depressed that my thoughts go beyond my control. It's something chemical going on with me.

Do you have brothers and sisters? How well do you get along with them and with your parents? A big part of how I've felt about myself over many decades was because of the verbal and physical abuse that I suffered as a child and youth from a sibling of mine. I have little doubt, that there's something in your past or present from an outside entity that's also had some play in shaping your thoughts. It sure did in mine. Through the help of taking the proper medications and having therapy, I'm able to cope much better now.

Another thing is, is that a big part of life is about making choices... Sometimes it's very hard to make the correct choices when we feel so down about ourselves and when there might be an outside entity that's influencing the way that we think. Starting now though, please try to think and make choices that will consist of having an attitude that's positive and proactive and view the "glass as being half full rather than half empty".

I have a lot of problems in my own life right now, it's so easy for when someone asks me how I'm doing to tell them, "lousy". I'm starting to change that though and to tell them "I'm doing okay". I really am doing okay, if I really think about it. We all have challenges in our lives, and how we face those challenges determines the type of persons that we are and shows to others who we really are. Again, that's about making choices...

When you say that you're starting to get better, what do you mean by that, please? What sort of things have happened to bring that about?

You're not alone here. I'm sure that there will be a number of other people who'll come to this thread and, out of the kindness in their hearts, try to give you the best advice that they can. We have a number of folks on this site who've been through some really rough times and lived to tell about them and have grown much stronger as person's because of what they've gone through and might even presently going through.

Please think about and remember the following thoughts:

You're not alone. Make positive and proactive choices. Please see a physician of some kind. You can turn "scars into stars", if you choose to do so. Every day, is a chance for a new beginning, so, why dwell dwell on things that have happened in the past? "Attitude is everything". In a very big way, that's very true, because everything that we do is shaped by what we first form as thoughts that we then put into action. A quote from the great basketball player, Michael Jordan:

Quote:

I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

We all fail over and over again. That's part of what makes the successes such sweet things when we achieve them, especially if we try for things where it takes a lot of work and effort to achieve them.

Some people don't know what they're missing because they haven't been there yet. That's the way that I feel about people who could do some great things if they really worked at achieving them and used the correct techniques to practice achieving the goals.

It's not just practice that makes perfect, but perfect practice that makes perfect, for there are many ways to practice incorrectly. When we prepare for the next day by planning out our activities and preparing to do them the best that we can and get enough sleep in order to be best prepared to face the tasks before us, that's practicing.

What sort of good things have happened in your life, and what sort of things do you like to do for fun, please?

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by novak

you can't just change straight away, i have an attitude the same. except i dont blame myself i look at situations. you can try and tell yourself these things it cn work, but also spend lots of time with ur friends do rebel stuff and enjoy life, Alcohol can also boost ur confidence

Encouraging anyone to drink to boost their confidence is plain ridiculous.
Alcohol solves NO problems and in fact creates problems in people lives,in particular when they are using it to mask a problem that they should be addressing!

Quote:

Originally Posted by robfitz111

I'm a negative person.
I'm unbelievably hard on myself in almost every aspect of my life and always put myself down.
I blame every bad thing that has ever happened to me as my fault and my fault only.
I will constantly say to myself, "if I was only smarter, faster, stronger, etc.." or "If I wasn't so dumb, slow, weak, etc.."

My negative feelings toward myself has led to several things:
OCD about certain aspects of my life.
Random outbursts of anger that i usually take out on myself.
Every morning I wake up telling myself to try to be less negative today, yet everynight I find myself in another depression-filled self loathing state.

Though overtime I am starting to get better, but a lot of these feelings of anger come in waves. Sometimes i fear i will seriously hurt myself or even worse harm somebody else.

I do my very best to hide all emotions i feel with laughter and jokes, but most people who really know me know that I'm beating myself up again.

How can I turn my attitude around?

I think to some degree many people beat themselves up needlessly.

The reasons to stop thinking this way are numerous.Some would say all that negative energy is a self fulfilling prophecy.You are actually bring negative energy to yourself,thus fulfilling that expectation.

First of all,it is not at all proactive.It is a waste of time and energy better put to improving oneself and really understanding the reason your deny yourself positive reinforcement.

The next time you are having these thoughts,try to examine them a little more and ask yourself if you are placing unrealistic expectations on yourself.Could YOU have really done things differently?

Also ,even negative things that we do to ourself give us something in return.What are you gaining by doing this?

This could in fact be an O.C.D. behavior ,in which case you would need an OCD specialist to help you manage it.

When you are thinking these thoughts,remember that it is your inner dialog so you have to change the script. You have the power to change the script!

When you are saying ,I was not fast enough to get to the finish line,remind yourself that you did the best that you were capable of.Turn the inner dialog around.

Do this every time.You need to retrain your thought process and the only way to do that is with repetition.

Perhaps you should seek help,this could very well be a form of O.C.D.Know that it is a very treatable anxiety disorder and with treatment you can have the quality of life you deserve.

Below is a link I hope you will find helpful.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Symptoms, Behavior, and Treatment

Hi again, robfitz111!

You can see that you're getting lots of positive and proactive feedback and support here! I do hope that you will return to this thread so that we can discuss with you further about the way that you're feeling and thinking.

Besides that, it's all free!

Thanks!

I was raised by a negative mother and also had that negativity stuck to me almost all my life. People now comment on how positive I am. It's a journey.

The best starting point I know is a gratitude journal. Every night before you go to bed write down 3 things that happened that day for which you are grateful. Do it before going to sleep because during the night your subconscious will process the day and you want gratitude to be a part.

From there you will find yourself thinking more grateful thoughts, i.e. you lost your keys but thank you that in the search you came across your phone that you otherwise would have left behind.

- Look for good and verbalize it.
- Pay attention to the attitudes of those around you and make it a point to hang with positive people.
- Each time you find a negative thought floating to the surface, expose it with 3 positive thoughts about the same event.
- Learn to laugh, especially at yourself. There's an old cliché that goes something like this: I worried about what others thought about me until I realized they weren't thinking about me at all. Life is less about what we do and more about what we do about it.
- Give to others: compliments, encouragement, a smile, open the door for someone with their hands full, let the car cut in front of you. What goes around will come around.

I tell others every event is like a coin; it has two sides. One is negative and the other positive. If you don't like what you see, turn the coin over and look at the other side. How do you turn it over? By using gratitude and recognizing the good.

I encourage you to continue pursuing the positive. Life will actually become fun the quicker you learn to flip the coin and see the good.