Moved from, https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/being-abused-boyfriend-want-know-how-stop-261680-3.html, to its own thread.

I burst into tears after reading your story, I originally signed up with this site to find answers on how to fix/end the relationship that I am in. I felt like no one was dealing with the same kind of issues. I haven't got any children but your story is nearly word for word what I deal with everyday! Down to the way he used to be so tolerant and caring, to the way he seems to take some kind of pleasure in watching me choke while telling me he's going to kill me, until I eventually wake up to him kicking me in the ribs or between the legs! A few times he's even raped me saying "did you ever consider that watching mouthy 'lil es like you cry and scream in pain is what gets me off?" I'm terrified, because I don't USUALLY say a word before hand, he'll say I looked a certain way or breathed wrong! etc... I know you understand where I'm coming from when I wonder WHY CAN'T I LEAVE? Why do I hang on to the hope that he may be the tolerant considerate man I met, and that this ongoing torture is just his temper... a phase? I know I can get better and deserve better than this NEW him I've become so familiar with... So if you've found a way to fix the situation OR let go, please let me know, I'm really scared he's going to kill me and not even realize what's happened until it''s too late.

PLEASE WALK AWAY.Your life is in danger. Many of these sick individuals end up killing their partners. The nice considerate man you fell in love with doesn't exist. I so want to help you but, you MUST leave him, NOW.

Marilyn,
You are not alone. So very many women have been where you are. It is hard to leave, but you can do it. When I decided to write down everything he did for one week, it really helped. The next time he is away, please call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline - 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Start assembling the things you need to take with you when you leave, so that you can leave quickly if and when you need to. Read about safety planning here.

Safety Planning National Domestic Violence Hotline

You really need to tell someone. A professional would be best (police, doctor, family), but some one who will support you, as you gain strength, and confidence, to leave this psycho.