I've been with my partner for over a year and a half and every other aspect of our relationship is perfect, except sex. He loves sex but as much as I try, I can't enjoy it and it makes him feel guilty every time we do make love because it hurts me, then I feel bad for not being able to give him sex and enjoy such a major part of our relationship, which then upsets him because he's inadvertently upset me. It's a horrible vicious cycle that gets both of us down.
I get a lot of pain during sex, like a burning feeling in the first inch or two inside my vagina, and tends to split the skin at the bottom of the opening to my vagina, between the labia above my clitoris and sometimes my perineum.
Sex has never been great from what I can remember. I have had sex twice before him but neither were positive experiences, and both times I was a little less than sober. I've been to the gyn countless times and been told everything is how it should be and yet it still hurts. The gyn appointments ironically don't hurt at all. I know he's girthy but surely a speculum is bigger!
I've tried various types of lube, thrush treatments, vaginosis treatments, Replens MD and quite frankly, my doctor is sick of seeing me now. I'm at a loss of what I can do. The only things I can think of is maybe seeing a dermatologist or a psychologist but that seems like such a stab in the dark. Has anyone heard of skin splitting a lot down there? I also get a lot of anal fissures and recently my crack cracked so I've pretty much split from front to back now.
Any help at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

There are a lot of nerves down there. Some doctors are removing them and most results have been good. Maybe ask your doctor about that. Good luck. Sex should feel great.

Juicy, I think your idea of a dermatologist has merit. It sounds like you're describing a combination of problems with skin elasticity and anxious tension.

Your problem sounds absolutely awful, and I can understand why you don't enjoy sex.

It sounds to me as if the skin lining your vagina and around your perineum is very fine. The issues you're describing often affect women after menopause, because of the change in hormones and the vaginal walls can become very thin and extremely sensitive with the burning sensation that you describe. The vaginal can often bleed as well, after intercourse.

Have you had your hormonal levels tested? If you haven't I would suggest that you do. Doctors often prescribe estrogen pessaries for the problem you describe, but I think that a visit to a dermatologist would also be warranted.

Welcome to my world, I have pretty much the same problem.
It does get tiring going to doctors, laying on the table, being given cream and then having no result!

One specialist even told me to "Use lube and get over it"

Still battling the problem but changing from the pill to implanon helped a lot.

About to look into homeopathic treatment thanks to Gemini.

Good luck, I know how horrible it is.

What is your age? This can be a factor as a woman tends to reach her peak at a later age than guys do.

I'm only 20 so I hope it's not the menopause just yet! I'm interested to see if coming off the pill would help and I've never heard of oestrogen pessaries before. I'll mention it to my doctor next time I go. Hormone issues would make sense too. You guys have given me so many more possibilities to explore. I was starting to feel like I'd hit a brick wall. Thank you all for your help. I'll let you know what happens.

Doubtful its menopause at 20.(possible but doubtful)... women peak in their 30's so its likely you just haven't gotten to that stage where you know yourself well enough, and all the systems are online yet. However, this is more of a physical thing rather than a mental thing.

Perhaps you are both jumpng into this too fast... before you are really ready?

This has nothing to do with his size... no human male even remotely approaches the size of a newborn baby. Which incidentally will fit through there in most cases (and obviously not without a level of discomfort). Assuming you are ready for the intercourse when it happens, and not just because he is ready (as in relaxing and not spasming or cramping leading to the tearing).

Well I figured I'd try coming off the pill to see if it could be a hormonal thing and lo and behold, the splitting stopped in a matter of days. However, this presents us with a bit of a conundrum. My partner is, as I mentioned before, rather girthy and we can't find any condoms that fit. What do you do when XXLs are too small? I figured maybe the coil but I already have long, heavy periods and that would only make it worse. The cap, well, it's gross and takes away the spontaneity of sex and the femidom is like making love to a plastic bag. What other options are there? I'll go to the doctor on Monday and see what she has to say.
I'm still baffled that I've been so many times and no-one even suggested hormones and yet I come on here and my question has been answered right away. How are these people qualified as GPs?

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Originally Posted by Juicy Buns

What do you do when XXLs are too small?

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Hello J:

Sounds like his car is too "girthy" for your garage...

excon

The doc is your best bet. There are other options but none as effective as what hasn't worked for you. Maybe your GYN could change your prescription. I don't recall if you mentioned it, but there are low dose contraceptives for women who have your types of difficulties.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Juicy Buns

Well I figured I'd try coming off the pill to see if it could be a hormonal thing and lo and behold, the splitting stopped in a matter of days. However, this presents us with a bit of a conundrum. My partner is, as I mentioned before, rather girthy and we can't find any condoms that fit. What do you do when XXLs are too small? I figured maybe the coil but I already have long, heavy periods and that would only make it worse. The cap, well, it's gross and takes away the spontaneity of sex and the femidom is like making love to a plastic bag. What other options are there? I'll go to the doctor on Monday and see what she has to say.
I'm still baffled that I've been so many times and no-one even suggested hormones and yet I come on here and my question has been answered right away. How are these people qualified as GPs??

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Glad to hear that you found a solution! (and even more pleased to hear that it's not the menopause - heh heh). Not sure what to suggest regarding the 'girthy' problem though. Perhaps some of the blokes on the site might have some solutions...

I've been on low dose pills before and was told that I was still ovulating because it was just too low a dose for me. I've tried Loestrin 20, Microgynon 30, Marvalon and I was most recently on Yasmin. Might have to give the low dose ones another try, I was on them for about a year and I'm still childless lol. Thank you so much for your help everyone, it's been invaluable.