I have known my wife for 5 years and we recently got married a few months ago. She is my soulmate, I love her passionately. However when we were living together I cheated on her - she found out, we went to counseling and got back on track. I have been good ever since until one month before the wedding... her bridesmaid would flirt with me constantly and one day I fell for it - she gave me a BJ and that was it. I knew it was wrong, so wrong but I couldn't tell my fiancé, she would leave me! I have tried so hard to be good, I am truly a nice guy.

After I cheated I learned techniques to not put myself in situations that may lead to infidelity. But this women was in my house and I couldn't control myself. I made a mistake and tried to stay away from her, although again after the wedding I had a moment with my wife's friend, she was flirting with me and it felt good - I gave her a peek at my package... I felt awful after doing it and swore to stop this behavoir once and for all. But now I feel like my world is crashing, my wife found out about it and is furious. We just got married and now she wants to leave, she is moving out. I found her post on here and it kills me that all the advice people have given her is to leave me - so she is doing it. Please help me, I need her in my life, I can't go on without her. I am so sorry for my behavoir.

You should have thought about that before you did it. It sounds like you need some therapy man. Seriously.

People can always make a choice and you made a bad one. We have to live with them and therefor you have to live without her.

You can't just cheat and have no consequences.
She doesn't deserve it and you don't deserve her.

I don't remember the post from your wife, but let me give you a bit of advice based on your post:

You don't need to be married.

You make it sound like it is such a difficult thing to say "No". It is a pretty simple word. Just one syllable. Rolls off the tongue as though it belonged there.

Now, on the more positive side of things. I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing that you are pretty young. You are at a point in your life where you want to experience all that is out there. This, in and within itself, is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing is dragging your girlfriend/fiance/wife through the pain of you cheating on her.

Take some time. Enjoy your life. When you feel that you are ready to settle down, then start thinking about getting married. Who knows? You might even find a woman down the road who is okay with you messing around, and who does so herself.

I know the idea of losing your wife is painful right now, but think of all the pain that she is going through, and will continue to go through if she stays with you. If you really love her as much as you say you do, let her go. In the long run, you will both be happier because of it.

I am 32, not so young.

Please excuse me for laughing, but I would like to think (at 33 myself) that 32 is still quite young. We're not even at the halfway point, yet.

Anyway. My intent wasn't to attack your age, or your actions for that matter. I only want to point out that you are not really in a mindset to be in a monogomous relationship, let alone a committed marriage, at this point in your life.

The desire to be with other women does not make you a bad person. Cheating does. I would seriously suggest, if you have the means, seeing a councilor. If possible, make certain that your councilor is comfortable with "alternative lifestyles".

I don't think that it is going to save your marriage, but it could possibly help you learn more about yourself. Feel free to PM me if you would like. I have no formal psychiatric training, but sometimes even a sounding wall can do a world of good.

Good luck

You've made mistakes and now you're facing the consequences. It's time to own up to your mistakes.

You can do whatever you want to try to get her to forgive you and to give you another chance, but that's her choice. You can't force her to forgive you.

The trust is broken. If she can't find it in her heart to give her another chance to regain her trust, then the marriage is definitely over. No point dragging out the inevitable.

I'm starting to doubt whether you really loved your wife in the first place. If you really loved her, you would have had more self-control.

If her bridesmade can hurt her like that, then she's definitely going to have some to get new friends too. That's two people who broke her trust in one shot. She's going to be going through a lot of emotional turmoil.

I read your wife's post, and sorry doesn't cut it. She is devastated, and rightfully so. Your paying the price for your mistakes, and now its up to you to do whatever it takes to get your issues dealt with, and drop the "I couldn't help myself excuse".

Can you really blame her for protecting herself from you, and your cheating ways? I sure don't, and think its unrealistic to expect her to forgive, and forget, or put up with it. Many here agreed.

Sorry guy this is a bed you made, and get yourself some help if you really want to change. Will she take you back? Not anytime soon, as not only is she hurt, but also humiliated, and betrayed by her husband, and best friend.

Doesn't get too much worse than that, so sorry ain't nearly enough.

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After I cheated I learned techniques to not put myself in situations that may lead to infidelity

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You have a problem if you can't control your sexual urges and the only technique you need to learn is how to keep it zipped up.
There will always be women who will come on to you.
There will always be attractions.
You do not have to act on them. You need to get some therapy for what could possibly be a sexual addiction.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...id-386193.html

This is her side of it.

I agree with the others.

Your problem is not your wife's best friend it is your being weak to give into other women.

Although having the best friend out of the picture is a good idea you need counselling.

You have to ask yourself what is more important you giving into temptations that aren't going to get you anywhere (other than divorce) or your marriage.

I'm so sorry, but I think you're a total and utter jerk.

I mean, you did it with the bridesmaid? What porn movies have you been watching?

Just take one moment and imagine that the roles were reversed - your wife to be and then wife does it with the groomsman who is your best friend. He flirted with her, it felt good, so she gave him a BJ, again and again.

Seriously, think about it - how would you feel knowing that your wife couldn't control herself around the flirty groomsman (your best friend), and that she's been wrapping her lips around his erect member?

Now come back to reality. She's already given you a second chance and you blew it (sorry about the pun), why do you deserve a third chance?

Don't you think she's be a fool to trust you?

OK first of all... are you the husband or wife? Because both of these threads are from the same screen name... against site rules just to let you know...

Second, you, as the husband (I hope)

Do you even REALISE the kind of pain you have put her through? I have been there... and to love someone as deeply as you do in a marriage, and then to have it thrown away stomped on and buried like that, is a TERRIBLE feeling... and you say you want her back... why? Because you miss her LOVE? Or because you miss having an easy lay when you wanted?

I want to know WHY you want her back? I have yet to hear a single word from you (as the husband) that says anything about HER feelings. So far from YOUR side, its been YOU YOU YOU.

Look sweet heart to tell you the truth you are saying that you love her and that you want her in your life but yet this can't be true because you have continuoosly cheated on her you say you will stop and that you are sorry but you keep doing it. If you are sincere about loving your wife you wouldn't want to do anything with anyone that is not her. You would look and get turned on but you would have the strength to say no. which you have failed to do. So unfortunately I think the best thing to do is set her free.

Every time you cheat it hurts her severely, she feels worthless and inadiquite and whilced she is feeling like this your enjoying a quicky. She has placed all her trust in you and you have betrayd her time and time again. You quite obviously are doing this for a reason and although you say you love her you still just keep hurting her.

So put yourself in her place how would you feel if she was doing this to you? Then ask yourself honestly if you really love her, do you deserve her if you treat her like this? If the answer to that question is no then leave her alone and allow her to find a man that will love her and only her, I am sorry but it is for the greater good. I have been in this situation before and no matter what happens people never change.

If you are sincere about changing and loving her than give yourself one more chance if you cheat again leave her be. Believe me it will suck but think about how happy she will be and that is all what should matter to you.

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Originally Posted by doesitgetbetter

I have known my wife for 5 years and we recently got married a few months ago. She is my soulmate, I love her passionately. However when we were living together I cheated on her - she found out, we went to counseling and got back on track. I have been good ever since until one month before the wedding...her bridesmaid would flirt with me constantly and one day I fell for it - she gave me a BJ and that was it. I knew it was wrong, so wrong but I couldn't tell my fiance, she would leave me! I have tried so hard to be good, I am truly a nice guy.

After I cheated I learned techniques to not put myself in situations that may lead to infidelity. But this women was in my house and I couldn't control myself. I made a mistake and tried to stay away from her, although again after the wedding I had a moment with my wife's friend, she was flirting with me and it felt good - I gave her a peek at my package...I felt awful after doing it and swore to stop this behavoir once and for all. But now I feel like my world is crashing, my wife found out about it and is furious. We just got married and now she wants to leave, she is moving out. I found her post on here and it kills me that all the advice people have given her is to leave me - so she is doing it. Please help me, I need her in my life, I can't go on without her. I am so sorry for my behavoir.

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You are hopeless. Please, Please, Please, leave your wife alone. Let her find someone who truly loves, respects, and treat her loyally. You obviously did not think about your wife while snooping around. I think you are cutting yourself a lot of slacks thinking you are a nice guy. You are hurting your wife too much. You pretty much know that at this point, it is possible you will cheat again. Your attitude and the way you word things like "a blow job and that was it" makes it pretty clear that you didn't think it was a big deal. You should leave your wife if you really love her. She deserves better.

Wow, I'd want to leave you too. In fact, the first time, I wouldn't have even married you.

Dude, you're just wrong here. You've wronged her on more than one occasion, and she is right to want to leave. Think of how it would have destroyed you if she had been the one cheating. Could you blame her? Give her space and time to think about things... she at least deserves that. And don't apologize until you really understand what you put her through. It's not about YOU. It's about HER...

Sorry to say but it doesn't sound like you love her.
Everyone makes mistakes but YOU should've learned at
The first point. It's just better for you to get off her back.
And her bridesmaid and friend? Your sick.