I'm not sure if this question belongs in this topic, but here goes.

My hubby and I are looking into surrogacy, and recently one of my close friends has approached me on offering to be our surrogate. We are going to be sitting down with her this Sunday to discuss writing up a contract and talk about money, medical, etc. My question is in regards to the money. She is offering herslef so we won't have to pay the thousands of dollars towards a company. So how much do we offer her? Since she doesn't want a lot of payment, if any.
Also, what else should we be discussing this Sunday? Anything specific? We've searched the web for questions, but nothings specifies for a friend beign your surrogate.

Where do you live?

If you live in the states then I'd definitely be discussing the payment for her medical bills which you mentioned, but don't forget the actual delivery of the child. That can run up to tens of thousands of dollars.

I'd also be paying for her prenatal vitamins and prenatal care.

Also, any complications that might occur concerning her health. Child birth isn't always smooth sailing, her body will take a beating, it's only fair that you pay for any complications she may suffer due to the pregnancy and or birth of your child.

Other then that, I can't think of anything else.

I wish you luck. :)

We live in Ontario, Canada. And my husband and I are in the military, so is her spouse. So we are 100% covered and she is 8-0% covered for medical.
I was already thinking about paying for all thed medical that she doesnty have covered, and all of her complications, plus maternity clothes, vitamins, any classes she might want to take, and since they live on our street I was going to offer a 24hr line where we'd get her anything she needs. Alos maybe for them to come eat dinner here whenever they need if they wanted. Anythign I can do, since she is giving me the best gift anyone could ever give.
But is there anything else I am overlooking that I should maybe be considering?

Well, being in Canada makes it a bit easier, cost wise. I'm in Alberta so I know. :)

Anything else, from a legal standpoint, would be better answered by someone else. Not my specialty.

Come back and check often, I'm sure someone else will answer.

Also, I'm going to ask a mod to move your post, I don't think this is the best forum for you, not for the answers you're looking for.

I do wish you the best of luck.

Take care. :)

Thank you. Hearing back from you that it's easier cost wise puts me more at ease. Do you mean the delivery and hopital charges are cheaper? Now, we are moving to alberta shortly after the baby would be born (whenerver we get started) would that change anything?
Oh and thank you for asking to get my post moved. I had no idea where to post. It was regarding so many things.

I don't know much about Ontario but I can't see it being that different from Alberta.

The only costs I incurred when I had my kids was the cost of the telephone that I had in my room. Five dollars a day for two days. ;)

If she has health care then it should be covered, unless she wants a specialty room, which many hospitals have but are not easy to get into. My first choice was a specialty room, then a private room and then whatever I could get. My first child I had a room that fit 4, so much for private. ;)

We don't have a choice regarding a room with being part of the military. It's shared or shared, haha. And as far as I know, ontario gives free health insurance for well fair people as well. So the hospitals should be fine.
That's not a bad price huh, $5 for two days, you got yourself a great deal! :)
We are going to be doing a traditional surrogacy, meaning only a sperm transfer. So I will need to adopt the child at birth, but it will be my husbands naturally. Do you have any idea how muhc trouble that might be? Of course the carrying mother (my friend) is always going to be in our life, as the godparent, but the last thing I want is not beign able to adopt our own child.

How's her health? Has she carried a baby to term already? Is she taking folate? It's best to take folate and stop any drugs several weeks before she gets pregnant, to reduce the risk of neural tube defects. (Just to be clinical.)

How exciting! Good luck!

Folate Asking? Is that the same as folic acid?

Too lazy to Google. ;)

Yes its folic asid, hehe. And she isn't taking it yet since we just started discussing this. But she will be starting prenatal vitamins, folic acid, and red clover. She doesn't smoke, stopped drinking (drank socially) just recently and no drugs (obviously since she's on a military base).
And she has carried children before. She's got twin girls that are 2 yrs old now. And she's more than likely to have twins again. Which is amazing for us, we've always dreamed of having twins. What's your opinion on her having twins, would that increase payments? Should we be offering her more money? This is difficult since we're very close friends and she's refusing the thousands of dollars normal surrogates would be paid. But I want to be able to show her how much I apprechiate this and love her for what she is doing for me.

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Originally Posted by sunshinewoman

yes its folic asid, hehe. and she isnt taking it yet since we just started discussing this. but she will be starting prenatal vitamins, folic acid, and red clover. she doesnt smoke, stopped drinkin (drank socially) just recently and no drugs (obviously since she's on a military base).
and she has carried children before. she's got twin girls that are 2 yrs old now. And she's more than likely to have twins again. which is amazing for us, we've always dreamed of having twins. what's your opinion on her having twins, would that increase payments? should we be offering her more money? this is difficult since we're very close friends and she's refusing the thousands of dollars normal surrogates would be payed. but i want to be able to show her how much i apprechiate this and love her for what she is doing for me.

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Friends don't need money, that's likely why she refused payment.

No matter what she'll be a part of your lives forever. She's giving you the most amazing
Gift, the gift of life.

If it were me, if I could do this (I can't, wouldn't be able to pass the child to someone else, not after carrying it for 9 months) then the best gift or payment I could get would be the smile on my friends face, the love in their eyes for the child that I was able to give them.

Why not do something special for her? Maybe a scrap book, or a plaque with her name, what she's doing, what it means to you, something with a special poem on it. Those are the things that matter between friends. Money, not so much. :)

That is such a great idea. I hadn't even though about making her something from the love I feel for her doing this for us. I was just thinking maybe I will make her a quilt with pictures of her family and mine. I just still feel like I should be offering her money. I guess I can't make her take it. How about money towards her children? Would that be appropriate? Maybe a university fund or trust fund for their future?

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Originally Posted by sunshinewoman

that is such a great idea. i hadnt even though about making her something from the love i feel for her doing this for us. i was just thinking maybe i will make her a quilt with pictures of her family and mine. i just still feel like i should be offering her money. i guess i can't make her take it. how about money towards her children?? would that be appropriate? maybe a university fund or trust fund for their future??

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The University fund for her kids is a great idea, and the best part is you don't have to tell her, you can just hand it to her when the kids are older.

The quilt is also a great idea. Hand made, from your heart, just like the gift she's giving you. :)

I love both those ideas, too!

Thank you so much. For some reason that hadn't crossed my mind. I'm just so glad she lives on my street and I can be close by during the pregnancy. Its painful not being able to experience it mhyself, but I am super excited to go through it wirth her. And our child will already have two older cousin!

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Originally Posted by sunshinewoman

thank you so much. for some reason that hadnt crossed my mind. i'm just so glad she lives on my street and i can be close by during the pregnancy. its painful not being able to experience it mhyself, but i am super excited to go through it wirth her. and our child will already have two older cousin!

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I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm so happy for you that you have a friend that is willing to do this for you. This really is the most selfless gift ever.

I hope you keep us posted, let us know what's going on.

This is a great site, hope you stick around.

I don't want to be a negative nancy here but I would make a contract up with a lawyer and make it official... just in case things go sour and she wants "her" babies back.
.. you just never know.


EDIT:: I would also consider things like mental history, and having her get a physical done before going through with this. You should also talk about when the baby would be given to you; right after birth? A few days?

Good luck,

Sarah

Don't worrym you're not being negative nancy. And yes, we have already been discussing the contract and getting a lawyer to read over the forms and sign them witnessing both us and her.
After we have that all done and we are good to go we are going to be going in for the physical. We are also discussing her family health for background this Sunday.

I am still having problems coming up with questions to ask her come this Sunday. The only ones I can find are in regards of using a surrogate from an agency, but since we found a friend, and the only legal aspect is the contract, I'm not sure what to ask her.

We've already written down what lifestyles she'd be willing to give up, and how many complications she'd be willing to through before we nix it.

Can anyone think of anything important?