So what would you say are some good tips for getting over an ex?
Also, is there ever any chance for your ex wanting you back?
If you stay as your ex's friend while he has a girlfriend is there a chance that you would become the rebound if your ex and his girlfriend broke up?
Just wondering. Anyone's opinions would help so much.
Thank you

Getting over an ex/getting them - first is to shut off all communications. NO CONTACT. You have to shut off all that attention. Make them Miss you - but more importantly work on yourself to get over them - workout MORE, work haerder at work or school, hobbies, hang with friends, hang with your family, travel is big, religion, etc.

You don't want to be their friends if you want them back - People want what they can't have. Always.

WHY would you ever want to hang out wit hsomeone and WAIT while they have a girlfriend = low self esteem. Yuck! Needy. Plan B! Yuck!

WHY would you want to be plan B - rebound? Very unhealthy.

Move on - date, date, date.

Don't be desperate -be irrisitable!

No contact is the best way for you to remove yourself from an emotional situation and give yourself a chance to heal the hurts and reflect on where you've been and where you want to go. It also removes the chance of letting the ex use you or put you in a no win situation. It takes time and patience, to get the head back together and make better decisions. You also have a chance to find yourself again and get back in touch with the real you. After all the break-ups I have ever been through I personally have never gone back. Marriage doesn't count. That's a whole nuther hill to climb.

Tal has added a ton to this. Please - no contact.

Cut All Off Contact With Him. I Am In The Same Situation As You And The More I Keep Calling My Ex The More She Goes Away. I Haven't Seen Her For Almost 2 Months And One Time She Called Me To Talk About How Her New Boyfriend Is Treating Her Bad. If You Want Your Ex Man Back Don't Call Him At All Even If It Takes Weeks Or Months He Will Call You And Want You Back But Don't Hold Your Life For Him, Go Out And Meet Other People While Your Wait If That's Your Choice To Wait

Just to ram it home.
NO CONTACT.
It is hard but it is the best thing for you.
And during this period it is a time about YOU. Time to reflect, time to learn, time to improve yourself.
Keep busy, workour, join a gym, do things that you always wanted to do, learn a new language. Anything. Just make this time about you.
But under no circumstances should you contact them. You won't get the answers you are looking for.

Certainly being his "friend" is no way to ever get him back, whether he has another girlfriend or not. If you're serious about wanting to possibly get him back, then you need to forget all about him for now and build a life of your own that doesn't include him. Take up new interests or "dust off" some old ones. Do the things that you enjoy. Realize and make him see also that you can be just as happy without him as with him ; you don't need him in order to be happy. Break off any and all contact with him. Do not call, e-mail or IM him. If you must run into each other in person, keep it very short and sweet with "Hi, how are you? Nice to see you but I've got to run now, I've got lots to do. See you later." Make him miss you and let him wonder what you'er up to. I can't guarantee that that'll do the trick but it's your best shot. If that doesn't work then nothing will.

Yeah, I would suggest no contact too. I have not contacted my ex for 5 weeks. We split up in July. I had been in touch with him at the start but it was me who would email him first. I only called him once. It's best if you don't, you feel stupid for doing it as well. I still didn't get my stuff back... it's a long story, he cut me off when I last called and I got so upset when he did that. I have decided to just leave the stuff as it was more upset than it's worth.

It is hard not to hold onto a small piece of hope that they will come back, I know. I still do, but you have to do other things, get on with your own life. I still blame myself and beat myself up over things I said etc. I find the gym a great help, sounds crazy but when we first split up I was in there about 3 times a week. It helps physically and mentally. I now have a lot more friends as well, that I hadn't seen for years. You just have to try and keep yourself busy. The fact that your ex has someone else, should make you think you are better than that, why wait on him? He knows you are going to be there, as you call him.

Who knows if he will come back? Yes, I wish mine would too, but he is stubborn, I doubt he would even if he wanted to.

Here's what I see work. If a break up is meant only to be a separation, then the two people negotiate that beforehand and call it a separation.Otherwise a breakup means the relationship ended.

Ended means the following: give back all the stuff, take numbers off phones and photos out of wallets, let others know its over, go your separate ways and above all else as little contact as possible, preferably no contact and let the grieving process begin.

The grieving process means the following: a recognition that you will not get back what you had ever again, being fragile and not thinking clearly for a while, hanging with close friends and family who will allow venting and crying and whatever needed in a safe environment, and lastly crazy urges that need to be ignored until the grieving passes. Especially crazy ideas like I see in your post, brunettegirl.

Rarely have I seen people get back together and it work, especially without professional help. Oddly enough they don't get back what they had (its different this time) but invariably they split up over the same dang stuff-- go figure? I'm with Tal about how married couples are different, since there is usually a great deal more invested.

I hope that helps.

Val - I'd rep you - but need to share the love.

YES - if you do ever get back - IT HAS TO BE DIFFERENT - Rules, boundries, trust, etc.

It has to be way different.

Change is the only way.

I think this gall has issues to work on though - low selfesteem, confidence.

I wonder if she really likes her self.

You have to learn to love yourself before others can love you.

I'd start an exercise program immediately! School.

I think it's kind of weird that you want to "wait" around for him if he ended it. Does he know your waiting? Your basically letting him sow his oats for however long and then come back to you when he's done. IF he decides it's "you" he wants to come back to. I was in a similar situation, where I kept doing the breakup & makeup thing it seemed every month! I thought staying home and being 100% committed whether we were broken up or not would show him what a good girl he had, well it didn't work! It just gave him the green light to walk all over me knowing he had "ol faithful" at home. It's his loss if you're a good catch.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by brunettegirl39

so what would you say are some good tips for getting over an ex?
also, is there ever any chance for your ex wanting you back?
if you stay as your ex's friend while he has a girlfriend is there a chance that you would become the rebound if your ex and his girlfriend broke up?
just wondering. anyones opinions would help so much.
thank you

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Oh my
HE has moved on
Don't be his friend as he has blantetly shown you he doesn't want to be with you
AND
If he knows you are 'in the wings' and always there for him , he will USE you and your emotions...
STAY AWAY

How are you doing with the No contact Brunettegirl?

It is so much easier if you keep a balance in your life and not be so in love that you forget about your own life and make that love your life. Even in marriage you must always be who you are and know what you are about and make that love partner a part of who you are and not your whole life. That is what makes a healthy person, that can have a healthy relationship, and live a healthy life with some one you love. I'll bet if you know who you are then you won't have to come here trying to get advice after a break-up. Healthy people attract other healthy people.

I understand this Tal.

Speaking from my point of view, I do know who I am, what I am about and spent years being single trying to work this out, exploring e.t.c.

Yes, it's true that in my situation, I perhaps lost myself in the relationship, put too much of myself into it...

It was my first real relationship and subsequent breakup, so I find it difficult to deal with. Coming on here though helps give answers that help to deal with the breakup. It really helps to get other opinions whether they are repeated or not as the person giving the advice is giving an outsiders point of view that is not focused on what you want to hear, but focuses on the reality which may unfortunately be something you do not want to hear but need to face up to..

Sorry for harpering on again, I've just had 3 cups of coffee!!

Sorry Brunettegirl for drifting from your topic slightly!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by brunettegirl39

so what would you say are some good tips for getting over an ex?
also, is there ever any chance for your ex wanting you back?
if you stay as your ex's friend while he has a girlfriend is there a chance that you would become the rebound if your ex and his girlfriend broke up?
just wondering. anyones opinions would help so much.
thank you

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Hi Friend,

I would say, no body should ever meet a breakup... and if still happens... one should start keeping busy with other stuffs, like reading.. watching movies, surfing nature... and can be engaged in some creative work... like drwaring, singing, playing guitar, piano or organ.

Last but not the least... can go to church very often... for peace of mind.

God Bless You,
Ravi

Well I'm not sure if brunettegirl every came back or is checking up becase her original post was a couple weeks ago. That being said if your still checking you had 3 original posts and in one you call him your boyfriend and in another you say he was a friend with benefit. That's problem number 1 right there. You can't have it both ways. I think for you to get over this you first need to identify honestly to yourself what kind of relationship was this. Then once you do the healing can begin.

Im Trying Really Hard At The Moment To Get Ova An Ex Who Dumped Me By Txt. I No The Best Thing To Do Is Not To Contact Him At All But He Dumped Me With No Real Reason And I Feel I Need Answers To Move On!!

Would U Still Agree That No Contact Is The Best Thing To Do Or Do U Fink That I Derserve Some Answers. We Hav Had No Contact For Nearly A Week Now :(