My boyfriend cheated on me for one year because he said he has commitment problems
This is my first time posting on this site but I needed someone to talk to. Here is the situation – a few weeks ago, I got an email from this woman who my boyfriend works with claiming that he is not who he claims to be. I confronted him and found out that he had been dating her and me up until December (I had asked him back then if we were exclusive and he lied and said yes). We got together last July. (He is divorced and has been divorced for about 5 years. She was married and was having problems in her marriage. They were also friends). He apologized and said that he did it because he was scared to get too close to me since he had already been married. He said that it was his way of keeping me at a distance. I started to forgive him but I kept questioning in my head. Today, I asked him again and he admitted to sleeping with her every few weeks or so up until this June. So he had been sleeping with her and me for one year. He said that at that point he realized how much he loved me and cared for me and stopped. He says that he did it because he is scared of commitment. We have decided to take a break for a few weeks (but not date other people) so that he can seek therapy for his commitment issues. He has already made an appointment for tomorrow. He says that he wants to fix himself because he loves me very much and cares for me and sees a future with me. He says that I am everything he ever wanted and that is what scared him. Up until now I thought he was everything I wanted too. Would a person really cheat for that reason? He tells me how awful he feels for doing that to him, but is he being sincere? It looks like he is when I look into his eyes, but I am so confused. I love him and that is why this is so hard. I want to forgive him but at the same time, he has lied to me and I am not sure if I can ever trust him again. I told him that after he “fixes” himself, if I decided to be with him then I wanted us to go to couple’s counseling, which he agreed to. I wanted some outside opinions of what to do.
Also, the reason this other woman finally told me about this is that when she finally divorced her husband, she came back to my boyfriend in June and told him that she wanted to be with him. He said no and she threatened to tell me. He didn’t believe her, but she ended up telling me. Now, she realizes that he wants to be with me and she is sending me all these vindictive messages. I think she is just trying to break us up. Part of me wants to believe her but part of me still wants to believe my boyfriend. The woman is crazy though. She got into my boyfriends apartment through the lockbox on his apartment. He came back one afternoon recently after all this has happened and was sitting there. She wanted to know why they couldn’t be together since she got the divorce. He told her to leave. So that is why I want to believe my boyfriend over her with all this vindictive messages. Would a woman actually be that crazy and desperate to make stuff up?
Sorry if this is really confusing. I will clarify if need be.
