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-   -   Big Mistake (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=385935)

  • Aug 11, 2009, 05:26 PM
    ninjaforce5
    Big Mistake
    I was over at my friends house and we were just watching a movie when he made a move on me and it went all the way to having sex that night and I don't know what to do I feel so alone and hurt because he was one of my best friends and now it is very awkward between us and I can't believe I let it go that far. Help?
  • Aug 11, 2009, 05:28 PM
    Alty

    Too late to look back, time to look forward. You can't change what happened but you can talk to him about it.

    Explain that you feel that things are different between the two of you and that it's hurting you. Also let him know that you didn't plan for this to happen.

    All you can do is talk to him then move on. :)
  • Aug 11, 2009, 05:33 PM
    ninjaforce5

    I just feel like I've betrayed everything I stood for. I am a christian and I try very hard to show that to people because it is very important to me. I'm afraid when people hear about this that they will think I am a hypocrite
  • Aug 11, 2009, 05:35 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ninjaforce5 View Post
    i just feel like ive betrayed everything i stood for. i am a christian and i try very hard to show that to people because it is very important to me. im afraid when people hear about this that they will think i am a hypocrite

    You may be Christian, but you're also human, we make mistakes. As long as you learn from your mistakes you're not a hypocrite.

    Have you talked to your friend about this? How does he feel about what happened?
  • Aug 11, 2009, 05:41 PM
    ninjaforce5
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Altenweg View Post
    Have you talked to your friend about this? How does he feel about what happened?


    I talked to him yesterday but we kind of avoided the subject. He seemed a little weird but I don't know.
  • Aug 11, 2009, 05:48 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ninjaforce5 View Post
    i talked to him yesterday but we kind of avoided the subject. he seemed a little weird but i dont know.

    Then open up the lines of communication. Tell him how you feel. Maybe he's afraid to bring it up because you haven't.

    Communication, it's the key.

    Just talk to him, be honest.
  • Aug 11, 2009, 09:41 PM
    expo1
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Altenweg View Post
    Then open up the lines of communication. Tell him how you feel. Maybe he's afraid to bring it up because you haven't.

    Communication, it's the key.

    Just talk to him, be honest.

    Communication is the key! It's the easyest and fastest way to move past this. If you guys talk about it and tell him what you feel you will probably be back to best buds in no time
  • Aug 11, 2009, 10:58 PM
    HelpinHere
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Altenweg View Post
    Then open up the lines of communication. Tell him how you feel. Maybe he's afraid to bring it up because you haven't.

    Yep. But seriously, I know the OP said it was a mistake, but seriously. If you aren't mature enough to comfortably talk about sex, but you have no business doing it.

    I know... I know...

    But, then again, if you really didn't want to have sex, you should have more control over yourself. If you can't stop yourself for something you would really feel this bad about, then you need to excersize self control.
    Start, by something small such as not eating that candy bar. Move up to stopping bad habits like stopping biting your fingernails. Eventually, you may be able to have complete control in these situations, and not make the same mistake again.

    Until then, know yourself enough to know you will make mistakes, and keep yourself away from them. In otherwords, DO NOT go to your friends' houses alone, especially males', and especially at night! Keep yourself away from temptation until you can beat it.
  • Aug 11, 2009, 11:42 PM
    Alty

    HH, I understand what you're saying, but I'm going to counter that with a story.

    I was a stupid teen, I did a lot of things I regret. I was young, I didn't think ahead, once it was done it was too late.

    I don't think that someone should kick themselves over one silly mistake. Yes, sex is a big deal. Yes, you should have more self control, but it's a bit late now so no sense beating a dead horse.

    Believe it or not, I was a teen once too, I still remember how it feels, so I can sympathize a bit with the OP because I did even worse things then what she's talking about.

    Great, more info about me.

    I should just write my biography already and sell it here. ;)
  • Aug 11, 2009, 11:56 PM
    HelpinHere

    Hehe, I would buy one Alt!

    Anyway, I wasn't trying to scold the OP. In fact, quite the contrary. Instead, I was praising the OP for realizing her mistake, and trying to tell her how to prevent it happening again...
    *goes back and reads*

    WOW! :eek:
    I guess I started rambling (again :o) and lost my point... sorry if it sounded so accusatory. :)
  • Aug 12, 2009, 12:00 AM
    sweet1028

    We all make mistakes. You should have said NO when you knew that you would feel bad about it later.

    How old are the two of you? Probably young, since you are too immature to talk about sex and if you can't talk about it, THERE SHOULD NOT EVEN BE ANY SEX! If you are young, where were the parents?

    You can't take it back now that is for sure. You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel. And from now on, if you really want to respect your religion, don't have sex. Wait until marriage.
  • Aug 12, 2009, 05:09 AM
    ninjaforce5

    I'm 16
  • Aug 12, 2009, 05:56 AM
    babyygirllx3

    There's nuttin yew can do about it now. Its done and over with. Move on. That's the only thing yew can do. Learn from yewr mistakes and move forward. Its going to be awkward but everntually it will get easier. Just act like yew did before... as a friend. Don't b all awkward and shy around him. It only makes it worse. We all make mistakes. All we can do is look at it and learn from it than move on. There's no turning back now. Make the best out of the rest of yewr life. Don't let this little thing stress yew out.
  • Aug 12, 2009, 09:49 AM
    HelpinHere
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by babyygirllx3 View Post
    theres nuttin yew can do about it now. its done nd over with. move on. thats the only thing yew can do. learn from yewr mistakes nd move forward. its going to b awkward but everntually it will get easier. just act like yew did b4...as a friend. dont b all awkward nd shy around him. it only makes it worse. we all make mistakes. all we can do is look at it nd learn from it than move on. theres no turning back now. make the best out of the rest of yewr life. dont let this little thing stress yew out.

    Pretty good advice, but two things wrong here.
    1: That is pretty much just repeating what has already been said.
    2: The rules of this forum state using correct English. That means:
    Nuttin > nothing
    Yew > you
    And > and
    Yewr > your
    B > be
    Before > before
  • Aug 12, 2009, 01:02 PM
    ninjaforce5

    We talked about it... a lot. And we both know it was wrong and swore to each other its not going to happen again. I'm not going to hang out with him alone anymore, it never used to be a problem but considering the circumstances, now it is. The only problem now is what to tell my boyfriend. I mean we've never even had sex how can I tell him I did with someone else?? I don't want to hide it from him but I don't know if I should tell him or not...
  • Aug 12, 2009, 01:19 PM
    spitvenom

    Just my thinking but maybe you are dating the wrong person.
  • Aug 12, 2009, 01:21 PM
    HelpinHere

    I missed the part about you having a boyfriend...
    Actually, I don't think you said anything about it.

    Either way, you can't hid it from him.
    It will only make it work, eating away at your consciousness.
    Tell him you made a mistake. You didn't want to but couldn't help yourself. If you're lucky, he'll try to work it out with you.

    Anyway, do you know if this other guy has ever had sex before? If so, then you need to get yourself tested. If you weren't even planning this, then I'm 100% sure that you can't be confident on that factor.
  • Aug 12, 2009, 01:23 PM
    HelpinHere
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by spitvenom View Post
    Just my thinking but maybe you are dating the wrong person.

    I hope you're not implying that she should be with the guy she had sex with. If he won't even respect her enough to keep himself away from her when she has a boyfriend, then he won't be very good as her boyfriend.
  • Aug 12, 2009, 01:31 PM
    spitvenom

    No that is not what I mean. She has a boyfriend that she basically made a footnote in the thread where he should have been in the first sentence of the post. She slept with someone else before she slept with her BF. That says a lot.
  • Aug 12, 2009, 01:37 PM
    ninjaforce5

    We were both virgins.. ive known him since we were 3. I'm going to tell my boyfriend tonight and see how it goes. I don't blame him if he wants to break up with me, but it there any way at all that I can justify myself?

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