Hi, I'm just another 17 year old girl who has been the victim of sexual abuse... but my story is a bit of a strange one...

I was sexually abused from the age of about 12 until I was 15 by my step dad and didn't speak out until a couple of years ago when it started to eat me up inside. My mum believed me straight away and after she had composed herself me, my mum and my sister all moved in with my grandparents. She agreed to divorce him and we all went to the police. My mum was very unhappy and slowly slid in to a state of depression and my sister, being as young as she was, didn't really understand what was happening... I'll get to the point...

My mum started to write a diary and me being the nosy type decided to look at it. It really shook me up what it said. My mum had started seeing her husband again, the one who abused me. I could quite believe it and I couldn't confront her either so I just carried on over the months to snoop through her diary. There was one sentence I came across that haunts me to this day which was about me and it said "you and Lucy (my sister) are all I need now, she has her own life to live) and this was directed at my step dad.

A few months later my step dad was sent to prison and my mum broke the news to me that she was moving back with her husband and she said I had to either live with her and him and my sister or live elsewhere, so obviously I chose elsewhere... who in their right mind would do that??

My question is... I don't know how I can forgive her because even after all this time, I still blame myself and I just feel she doesn't love me anymore... do you think she can still love me and do this to me??

I am sure she still loves you and always has.
She just isn't thinking clearly.
I am sure that she probably is in denial to the true depths of what he did and many people when they have a conflict such as this they tend to split the issues. Hers being she is looking at him from two perspectives and making a distinction to justify being back with him. Her distinctions being
She sees the husband that she fell in love with
And is having a hard time separating from
The other
She sees as the abusing step dad that she accepted she had to leave to protect you.
And in her mind she has separated this from the husband she wants him to be

Now you are older and she wants the husband side of him back.

Not making excuses for her but just trying to paint a clearer picture of how she is trying to justify it in her own mind.

How old are you now?

Don't blame yourself you did nothing wrong.

I'm 17 now, but it's still strange looking at all the different sexual abuse cases and realising that in most of them the mum leaves the step dad and that's the end of it, now I can only visit my mum when she tells me to so I don't bump into him now he's out of prison and it's just driving me nuts!

I should be moving on from all of this but it's so hard. My mum even persuaded me to get a reference from the doctor to get counselling and the strange thing is that the doctor said I didn't need counselling but my mum did and it sounded like the whole situation was turned around to suit her and that she was suddenly the one on all the depressants, like she was the victim... it just makes me angry!

No in MANY MANY sex abuse cases the mothers are so in denial they turn their heads for years and never acknowledge what he is doing because they do not want to admit it to themselves because then they would have to make the decision for him or their child(ren). They never get reported

You are reading resolved cases where the guy did time because the mother did the right thing and chose their kid over their guy.

The doctor pegged that right that she is the one that needs help because what she is doing in a sense is like a split personality only in her case it is his not her personality that she is splitting.

Thank you for your words of wisdom :) it's very much appreciated.

I hope in time I will grow to understand my mum, and like you said the split personality thing kind of makes sense, so thanks! :)

Its good that you still want a relationship with her. It shows a lot about you and your character. Many kids would be hating their mother and acting out very bitterly.

I have to ask a question.

He went to prison for sexually abusing you but he's allowed, by the courts, to live with your sister?

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I have to ask a question.

He went to prison for sexually abusing you but he's allowed, by the courts, to live with your sister?

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I was wondering about the sister too. Like is there no sexual abuse towards her?
How close are you and your sister?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I was wondering about the sister too. Like is there no sexual abuse towards her?
How close are you and your sister?

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I'm wondering how a convicted sex offender could be allowed to live with a child. The OP said the sister is younger then her. He did it once, he will likely do it again.

Sex offenders are put on a sex offender list, they have restrictions, I just can't see how he would legally be allowed to live with a child.

Yeah I know
I have no idea

To answer your questions...

My sister is 11 years old, well she's actually my half sister but I'm so close to her that I regard her as my sister. She's the daughter of my mum and the man that sexually abused me, and as far as me and the police know she hasn't been abused. She was usually asleep when I was being abused so I don't think she suspected anything about it.

I have a admit, I was a bit confused when my mum said that she and my sister were going to move back in with him, they aren't currently living together yet, but I know that my sister is allowed to visit him if there is always someone with them. From my understanding from what I've been told there is a license or something that runs out after a year and none of his restrictions are valid anymore which includes any check-ins he had to do with his probation officer and any restriction I put on him such as that he's not allowed near where I live or where I usually hang out.

What does really confuse my though and which I am very much opposed to is he was going to buy a house down the road from my school, it isn't just the fact that he'd be near me that bothers me, it's the fact that he'd be living down the road from 4 schools where their ages ranging from 4 to 18 years old!

Yeah often just because a guy is the bio father and there has been no prior abuse they tend to over look ''what if he... ''

Also he may be in his mind thinking just because you are not blood to him and she is.

Then too they also often go after the oldest if they are only going after one kid in the house.

You are right he has to register with the sex offender registry and stay so many feet away from schools, parks and (I think) churches.