My ex and I just broke up after two years and I think it may be because I wouldn't hit her and choke her in bed. I was in the Marines, played rugby and football. I'll knock a Guy out if he is truly deserving, but I can't bring myself to inflict pain on a woman. Especially something so tiny as my ex. It doesn't turn me on, it bothers me that she asks for it. I have no problem throwing her into the bed, or holder her down, pulling hair, fairly common stuff. I'm passionate, not timid. I just won't beat her. She made me feel like a wimp for not "letting go". She has no idea how badly I could hurt her I think. Can anyone chime in?

My opinion, you don't need her if she is going to make you feel that way. Just be you. If you don't like that kind of stuff, then you don't like it.

Sounds like a pretty strange girl to me. Why would she want you to beat her? That's just crazy lol

No you are not a wimp in bed. You just don't have the taste for S&M that she has. I personally wouldn't find it a turn on to be thrown down and have my hair pulled, etc. People have different boundaries.

It's unclear to me if she knew that it would be easy for you to seriously hurt her with the level of violence you are talking about. If she was moderately intelligent, she would know. But if not so bright, maybe not.

Would you be satisfied with a partner in the future who didn't want to be hurt?
Or is S&M important to you, too?

No ,you are not a wimp.
Not everyone is comfortable with that type of aggression in bed.
It is not a scene that is for everyone and she should have respected that.

Not really. I like things a little rough sometimes. Nothing that would actually hurt someone. She tried to provoke me to do it too. One time she kept slapping me when we were arguing (for like 10 minutes) I finally punched a whole in the wall and she loved it. She wanted to have sex, I wanted to leave her. She would constantly tease me about "letting the tiger out of the cage", but I'm a war vet. It's not a tiger in my cage. It's a well trained marine. I don't much appreciate people trying manipulate me into losing my temper. She has no idea what I have done and it seems like it was all a game to her.

Is it really that hard for some spoiled sheltered little girl understand that the level aggression I am capable of is not some stupid game.

To each his own. You don't like it, she does. Unreconcileable differences. Safewords are a must for this type of play.

Sex and violence reside in two completely different parts of my brain. I don't need to beat men up to feel like a man. I definitely don't need to beat a woman up. It seems too close to rape to me.

Changefound,
I cannot imagine myself poking my sweetheart, he is a beefcage and I can't imagine the ending :D :D :D I think I would turn into a little fat blur on our wall maybe? :D

Dude, I personally cannot judge anyone but it works for me that I do what I like and in the same time do not hurt others. I think you did great, do not let anyone to provoke you. It speaks a lot of her character and I assume she has not grown up yet. Some people never do though.
I wish you could smile and go over it :)

changefound I guess I am a wimp too. There is no way I would slap or choke anyone during sex.

Thanks. Obviously she never succeeded. However, I have never had anyone taunt that side of me before. It's reckless. I'm not the world's toughest guy, but people seem to respect me enough to not want me to get physical with them. I hate it anyway. I've spent my life focusing that level aggression in constructive ways because I know it's dark. Still in disbelief that she wanted me to hurt her. I'd rather take a bullet for someone I love than hit them.

Changefound, first let me thank you for your service. Semper Fi from a former Recon Corpsman!

As a dyed-in-the-wool BDSM practitioner, I think you did the right thing breaking up with her. Not only is she into things you aren't, she's ignorant of the things she's into... OR... she was trying to find out how to push your buttons which is one thing NO vet needs.

No! You are not a wimp at all!
You seem like a man you had lots of respect for her and she was selfish to call you a wimp when you did not want to comply with something that made you uncomfortable.

She clearly lacked respect for you not only as a man , by calling you a wimp, but also as a significant other , by not trying to understand your feelings towards this and breaking up with you.

Always stay true to what you believe and remember someone who loves you is going to care about your feelings too not just their own.

Best of luck to you.

She is messed up. Period.
There is no other reason someone would equate making love with pain.
I am guessing she was..
Sexually abused as a child.Or an adult.
This is beyond the pale of normal S&M she is asking to be seriously hurt,that is a psychiatric problem,in my book.

You are definitely not a wimp. I thank you should be proud of yourself for standing up for what you believe in and not giving into her foolish ways.

I've heard of 'rough sex' but myself, I would not like to be slapped or whatever else she may want. That would be a big 'turn off' in my book. I hope you can get out of this relationship, because it seems she isn't willing to respect your feelings or give up on hers.

You need a woman who respects you and is on the same level with you sexually as well. Someone who doesn't want to go the ER after having sex =D.

You are no wimp... she is the one with issues... there are VERY few people that would like that much less demand it... in fact if you even tried that with most women you would be sitting behind bars...

She's better off with someone that IS into her form of S&M.

I find that messed up and her being a little sick in the head. I am glad you didn't give into her selfish games and we end up seeing you on the news for choking someone to death or breaking their neck.

She shouldn't puch anyone to do such a thing, not a man, not a lover, and definitely not a well trained marine capable of unspeakable things.

Well done.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by changefound

She tried to provoke me to do it too. One time she kept slapping me when we were arguing (for like 10 minutes) i finally punched a whole in the wall and she loved it.

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I read an article in Maxim and a guy was asking a question identical to yours, except he was considering marriage. Every response he got was "get rid of her!"

Breaking up with her was the best thing you could've done. Find a girl who has self-esteem.

Just agreeing with the rest.

You know your boundaries. There's nothing "wimpy" about that.

Her desires are hers. We can say she is messed up... id say asking you to hit her is unhealthy at the very least because you just cannot do that. Right there with you. Some women have controlled "rape" desires. Bdsm comes in many forms... and I'm not going to say she is wrong (even tho' I think she is extremely on the fringe)...

I had one lover who liked my hands around her neck at orgasm. There was no squeezing. No erotic asphyiation. It worked for her and was within my boundaries, even enjoyable in that limited manner. Fine.

But if a lover asked me to do what yours asked you to do... id say no way.

Its fine to like different things. Some like anal. Some don't. Some find oral too submissive. Some love it. Some people need control. Some need to be controlled.

She just wasn't right for you in bed.

You aren't a wimp because you couldn't hit another human and be sexually aroused by it.

By the way... thank you for your brave and honorable service in the marines.

You definitely aren't a wimp, but on the other hand, you are a man for standing up for yourself!
If she broke up with you just because you were uncomfortable with something, she had no respect for you anyway.
Personally, I am not new to the BDSM scene, and the most important thing is knowing and respecting your partner's boundaries, especially when it comes to play that could be potentially dangerous.