I am Chinese in China,22, depressed
Hi,my english name is Mike, a Chinese colledge student,22.I am unhappy almost all the time and it has been years.I don't think I can suffer this any more so I come to the internet for help.
Yeah I think I have been suffering from depression.
1.I was born in a poor family.when I was a child,my parents were always in a bad mood because of the poverty. Then they quarreled very often.my dad broke glass es by dropping it on the grond.my mum cried , on the bed,unwilling to have meals.things always happened like this.and once my dad made my brother and me ,holding food in our hands, stand on the knees in front of the bed on which my poor mum were lying and beg "have lunch please mum.." "i should have kill myself if i don't have you two.."
After I started school, study is all that I have to do.
2.then I was shortsighted when I was only about 11 . Thanks to the poverty and my never-educationed father, I got many cheap glasses in rather poor quality I think. My short sight changed me a lot. I hate glasses. When I was in the high school, there was a time I wanted to kill myself and end all that I was suffering.I didn't because of my parents. They suffered a lot for me and I have duty and I don't want them heart-struck because of my death. And now the degree of my present glasses are over 800. And this means when I get married and have a baby, the possibility for it to have a healthy pair of eyes 50 percent. And I am likely to become blind in the future I think.
3.I fell in love two years ago. I thougt she almost was the only excuse for my continuing to live in this world after experiencing my own disappointing family life. But half a year later she parted me. Then half a year later she came back for me. And then half a year later I parted her. Nearly two months later I back to her. And now, I think it is almost the time again..
4.I will be a senior a month later and I am going to graduate but I don't think I am going to find a good job. There is alwas pressure on me.
5...
I don't have interest in anything, I don't want talk to any people, especilly someone I am familier with. But I can feel free relaxed to talk to stangers sometimes. Last night, I got ready to sleep, lying on the bed with eyes closed.my brother came and asked me "you are silent all these days, can you tell me what's going on with you? i'm your only brother." but I kept still, eyes closed but there's tears. I said nothing because I don't want to say to him"i think i am suffered from depression, my dear brother. you can't help me.but thank you."
Chinese , 22, depressed. (updated)
Hi,my english name is mike, a Chinese colledge student,22.I am unhappy almost all the time and it has been years.I don't think I can suffer this any more so I come to the internet for help.
Yeah I think I have been suffering from depression.
1.I was born in a poor family.when I was a child,my parents were always in a bad mood because of the poverty. Then they quarreled very often.my dad broke glass es by dropping it on the grond.my mum cried , on the bed,unwilling to have meals.things always happened like this.and once my dad made my brother and me ,holding food in our hands, stand on the knees in front of the bed on which my poor mum were lying and beg "have lunch please mum.." "i should have kill myself if i don't have you two.."
After I started school, study is all that I have to do.
2.then I was shortsighted when I was only about 11 . Thanks to the poverty and my never-educationed father, I got many cheap glasses in rather poor quality I think. My short sight changed me a lot. I hate glasses. When I was in the high school, there was a time I wanted to kill myself and end all that I was suffering.I didn't because of my parents. They suffered a lot for me and I have duty and I don't want them heart-struck because of my death. And now the degree of my present glasses are over 800. And this means when I get married and have a baby, the possibility for it to have a healthy pair of eyes 50 percent. And I am likely to become blind in the future I think.
3.I fell in love two years ago. I thougt she almost was the only excuse for my continuing to live in this world after experiencing my own disappointing family life. But half a year later she parted me. Then half a year later she came back for me. And then half a year later I parted her. Nearly two months later I back to her. And now, I think it is almost the time again..
4.I will be a senior a month later and I am going to graduate but I don't think I am going to find a good job. There is alwas pressure on me.
5.I dream a lot.I have several dreams every night. I can almost feel my brain running. They are no good dreams. Sometime weird , sometime scaring,like running in the boundless darkness. Dreams tire me. And I have been very forgetfull sense I was in the high school. I think I am going to forget everything when I am old, and need caring.
6.I don't think I have a true friend.
7..
..
I don't have interest in anything, I don't want talk to any people, especilly someone I am familier with. But I can feel free relaxed to talk to stangers sometimes. Last night, I got ready to sleep, lying on the bed with eyes closed.my brother came and asked me "you are silent all these days, can you tell me what's going on with you? i'm your only brother." but I kept still, eyes closed but there's tears. I said nothing because I don't want to say to him"i think i am suffered from depression, my dear brother. you can't help me.but thank you."
Please help me.
I really don't think I will come back here . If there is anyone who can and is willing to help me ,
I will appreciate if you copy this and send to someone who can really help me.
Thanks for your reading this.
Best regards.
Mike
