Today, I had to go to my cousin's wedding (which no one wanted to go to) and we were planning on staying for maybe 2 or 3 hours *It started @ 1pm*. Then I had found out about a huge cookout that was going on that night so I really wanted to go. After trying to get my "hammered" mother ready to go home, it was already 8pm! By the time we got home it was 8:30 and the cookout was supposed to go on until midnight so I threw on some jeans. My mom then argued with me giving lame excuses for why I can't go. Instead of listening to her, I got dropped off at the cookout with my sister and I stayed for 30 minutes or so. THEN my mom drove to the place and slapped me in front of everyone, told me to get my in the car then screamed at me nonstop! Today is Saturday and I'm supposed to be going to Six Flags on Monday. It is also August 8th. She told me that she was "done with me" and that I'm not going to six flags and that I'm grounded for the rest of the summer just for sneaking over to a cookout! Apparently she lost all her trust in me now... I would like to know how I could regain her trust. Will she let it go after she is no longer hammered (tomorrow)?

I don't think my mom would see eye to eye with that theory... haha. Any other advise?

"just" sneaking out, unless you change your attitude about what you did, you will only be in more trouble,

No way to regain trust in one day, it is months

How old are you?

Perhaps when you're not feeling so cross and she's calmed down and sobered up you can talk to her.

Why don't you buy her her some flowers, or cook dinner as an apology, and have a chat to her. Or you can help her cook dinner and talk to her while you're doling something together.

But, if you've got a history of doing these things without telling her, then it's going to be more difficult.

The real way to regain a person's trust is not to break it again!

I believe that there may be some history here.

I doubt that this is the first time this type of thing has happened. I would like to know more about your relationship with your mom. Have you been rebellious with her prior? Have you been given 'rules' and broken them?

And for your mom, I don't know the situation, is she a single mom? Are there other problems that influence her behavior?

In any case, this may be a symptom of other problems. But we all know that being 'hammered' is not an admirable condition to be in while dealing with a situation such as this. It only stokes the problem/s.

And I too would like to know how old you are, I assume at least 16 as you are driving.

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Originally Posted by TGOBLE

If your mom is "hammered" why is it you have to regain her trust, your mom should have lost your trust for not being responsible parent

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You know nothing of this woman, her level of intoxication, her son's prior indiscretions, her frequency of partaking of alcohol, and most importantly this boy's age. How dare you tell him to basically "do as you please because she's lost your respect"? What do YOU know about being a responsible parent? How many kids do you have?

No wonder you are marked with a red square. I hope it stays red, so people will know to NOT listen to your bad advice.

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Originally Posted by Checkitpro

Today, I had to go to my cousin's wedding (which no one wanted to go to) and we were planning on staying for maybe 2 or 3 hours *It started @ 1pm*. Then I had found out about a huge cookout that was going on that night so I really wanted to go. After trying to get my "hammered" mother ready to go home, it was already 8pm! By the time we got home it was 8:30 and the cookout was supposed to go on until midnight so I threw on some jeans. My mom then argued with me giving lame excuses for why I can't go. Instead of listening to her, I got dropped off at the cookout with my sister and i stayed for 30 mins or so. THEN my mom drove to the place and slapped me in front of everyone, told me to get my in the car then screamed at me nonstop! Today is Saturday and I'm supposed to be going to Six Flags on Monday. It is also August 8th. She told me that she was "done with me" and that I'm not going to six flags and that I'm grounded for the rest of the summer just for sneaking over to a cookout! Apparently she lost all her trust in me now... I would like to know how I could regain her trust. Will she let it go after she is no longer hammered (tomorrow)?

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She's your mother, first and foremost. Start by doing what she asks of you. She should not have struck you, I agree. Talk to her and tell her you want to try to do better. Then do it.

Ok well I am 14 years old. By sneaking out the cookout, I had my sister drop me off. I was only there for about 30 minutes and I was about to walk home because It was boring but then my mom showed up. Today is a new day, and she might be in a better mood. I REALLY WANT TO GO TO SIX FLAGS TOMORROW with my cousin but last night (while she was hammered) she told me that I was grounded for the rest of the summer. I really don't know what to do. This is the first time in a year or so that I have disobeyed her.

That was no help. I don't need counseling.

UPDATE: I went downstairs today and my mom told me that I was going anywhere for the rest of the summer because "I made a bad decision". I thought she would be nicer today since she was hammered last night! Help Me! I really want to go to six flags tomorrow!

There are things that happen from our choices, of course here school starts tomorrow so basically summer is always over anyway for school age kids if you consider summer school end to school start.

Kids get grounded for not doing what is right, Parents who get drunk are normally bad parents, sounds like too many issues and nothing that can be solved online.

If you're 14 and your parents say you can't go somewhere, you can't go. So, take full responsibility for your behavior - if your mother does not let you go to six flags because you snuck out to the other thing, that's reasonable and you should just suck it up and miss six flags - next time you'll know it's not worth the price to sneak around.

That said, your mother hitting is is outrageously wrong and her threatening to ground you for a whole summer because you did one thing wrong is over the top. The fact that she gets drunk is a big problem for your whole family.

You could be absolutely perfect and if you're dealing with a drunk, she may still talk to you like you're the most horrible kid who walked the earth. Know she's trying to justify her own behavior of getting drunk - trying to make you out to be bad so she has an excuse for drinking. It's crazy, and it's entirely her and her booze and has nothing to do with you.

But you sound like you know right from wrong - do the right thing. Each time you have to make a decision, do what's right and healthy and legal and appropriate, regardless of whether your mom gives you credit for it or not. It will pay off in other ways - options for your future being the big one.

You sound like you don't need counseling for yourself and your own mental health, but you are dealing with someone who has a big problem with alcohol and you are very much impacted by that. You need counseling (meaning advice) to learn how to manage her problems, as a healthy person living in her unhealthy reality.

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Originally Posted by TGOBLE

Seeking advise on this type of problem no matter how well your intentions can cause more harm then good. A lot more information and more 1 on 1 councelling would be desirable as there is alot of social and family dynamics involved. The answers given here are well advice but nothing can replace history and professional intervention. You can always talk to your family doctor.

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??

I still think that if you have an honest conversation with her and offer to help her round the house you can persuade her to be a bit more lenient.

She's pi$$ed off with you for some reason - try to work it through with her. Give her what she wants and she might give you what you want.

Talk to her about how you might make 'better decisions' over the summer - ask her to help you make better decisions - and, don't break her trust again.

You need to learn that in life there are consequences too many kids think they will just do as they please and the things down the road that they want won't be effected.
You see now you have to get your priorities right. You don't gauge your actions on what mood/soberness your mom may or may not be in from one day to the next. You do not gauge things according to what you want, what you think you should have or what you feel.

Your not going to 6 Flags might wake you up some so your mom is doing right no matter how drunk she may or may not be.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TGOBLE

If your mom is "hammered" why is it you have to regain her trust, your mom should have lost your trust for not being responsible parent

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All you know of this is how a 14-year old feels.

It's your opinion that the Mom should have lost the respect of the child?

I notice you later reverse your opinion.

You flip-flop back and forth more than a fish on the ground and give consistently strange and often bad advice.

This is only one example.

Yep Judy
His flip flops would make a fish out of water envious!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TGOBLE

Seeking advise on this type of problem no matter how well your intentions can cause more harm then good.
................You can always talk to your family doctor.

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Wonder what the docs diagnosis would be??

I suppose it beats the *legal* advice he gave.

The person we are referring to was a Troll and not making any sense with their answers.
They were not communicating anything.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

The person we are referring to was a Troll and not making any sense with their answers.
They were not communicating anything.

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I wouldn't worry about the criticism - consider the source. If "anyone" had taken the time to review that person's past remarks I'm sure the criticism would not have been posted.

Easy to show up once a week, criticize and move back underground.

This has been going on for some time - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/office...ml#post1777352.

It's aimed at me, not you.

JudyKayTee disagrees: Only on AMHD to argue. Doesn't bother reading, getting the flavor of the thread.

Yeah I have picked up on the fact that they jump in and reply to the OP without checking through other replies.