Hello, OK so I better explain.

I go to a competitive fee paying school. All my friends are really bright clever people. All the boys fancy them, they wear makeup, their parents give them independence, they all get good reports, the teachers like them, they are not rebels, they are all very pretty. People love them and want to be their friends.

And then there is me

I'm a geek. I'm obsessed with my studies, (not trying to brag here) but I get a lot of A*'s/A's I'm plain faced, never had a boyfriend in my life, never kissed anyone, on the overweight side of things, terrible at sport, friendly, friendly with everyone, have a lot of friends, sing opera, listen to the radio, terrible at maths, read the newspaper, the teachers quite like me and I just like making people laugh.

I'm just an ordinary person who is on the geeky side.

Yet all my friends can say is "your so perfect, why are you so perfect"

BUT I'M NOT PERFECT! I KNOW I'm NOT! And I'm not fishing for compliments here. I don't mind I haven't kissed anyone, I don't mind that I don't have a boyfriend, I don't mind that I'm not good looking.

They just get at me for being a perfect person with a perfect life! But my life is far from perfect. I would much rather be like them.

So this complementing is now turning into a type of bullying now. Whenever a teacher compliments me for something they all roll their eyes. If a teacher tells me "Well done Mel" people snarl

When I get my essays results back and I find out what my grade is people go "Well your bound to get an a aren't you, the teachers worshiip the ground on which you walk"

I don't get it! There's nothing about my life to marvel at!

Why would they want to be like me? Fat and ugly?

This year I got picked as a juniour house captain (for those that don't know what one is it's a person selected to be like a head pupil for a group of people, house means team)
But not many people congratulated me, all they said was "well YOU would get it wouldn't you miss perfect"

I don't try to be perfect, I just try and do my best, and when I don't try everyone still gets at me!

I tell these people "Look, you are a fantastic person, you have all these qualities that I don't have, you are really special" and then they go "Don't be stupid, your probably getting joy from knowing that I'm not"
And then they say things like "Your too nice, you need to hate someone, stop trying to please everyone, stop being so perfect"
I'm not a bully. There are people who do appreciate me for who I am and they all seem to be older than me. They don't go on about that I'm successful.

I like being successful but with all these people telling me I'm perfect it doesn't give me confidence, it crushes me. It's like they are all holding bets for when I'm going to stumble next. I want to show them that they are fantastic people and I'm just average. I want them to feel happy and not bully me.

What do I do? Please help?

Sorry It was so long, I had to get it out somehow... :D

Melhoneybee

Jealousy in the teen years can be brutal and I suspect that much of the problem is jealousy.

While they are happy for your success they are also a bit put out because they did not do as well.

Perhaps you study harder than they do and apply yourself better.You could tell them that the only reason you get such grades is because you work very hard at it.

Never be ashamed of your achievements !

I don't think your friends are aware that what they deem as a compliment is actually causing you distress.You need to tell them.

If being singled out for your good grades in front of the entire classroom is awkward for you ask your teachers to refrain from doing that.

Know that the geeky awkward stage you may be in right now will soon change and many a geek turns into the senior prom queen.

It does get better.Learn to speak up for yourself and never let anyone treat you in an inferior way!

Sweetheart, In my eyes you are great! I will not say perfect, because NO ONE is. You say you like opera? Great! So do I. You say you make excellent grades? Even greater! You are funny? Great again!
You go live your life to the fullest, try to avoid peer pressure, enjoy being young, and practice on your math skills, and I think that you will be a very successful human being. May GOD bless you, I am sure your parents couldn't be more proud of you. I don't know you and I am proud of you. I wish you only the best.

Oh yes about the boys, if you keep going the way you are, you will find someone great, I'm sure!

Don't let people get to you. It is peoples nature to try and find fault or criticize you because they are jealous. When your over weight they criticize you for being over weight. When you lose weight they criticize how you lost the weight and tell you you can't keep it off. When you are skinny they criticize that you are too skinny. When you are at a perfect weight they criticize your clothing style. When you have long hair they criticize that. When you have short hair that is no good.
People love finding fault, complaining and telling you you aren't going to succeed.

It does sound as if you're being bullied in a subtle way. Girls, especially can be really good at making you feel like you're worthless.

My advice - ignore them. You'll never convince them about something they don't want to hear and about something they want to make you out to be i.e. "Miss Perfect'.

Just be yourself - you can't be anything else! Ignore the sarcastic comments - so what if they don't like you or your achievements... big deal - you don't need their affirmation and approval.

Remember that the best way to stop this form of subtle bullying is to ignore it and pretend you're not affected by it. That is what these people feed off, your reaction. So, don't react. (it takes practice!)

Few possibilities.
1: You are very self conscious, and they are trying to cheer you up, and you overreact.

2: They are jealous, instead of being a "popular" kid, you actually try to better yourself, and they aren't willing to try for themselves.
Try asking another kid you consider "geeky" and see how they are treated.

3: They are, for whatever reason, bullying you. Tell them how it makes you feel when they call you perfect. If they persist, then they are doing it with the knowledge that it hurts you, so they aren't your friends.

Whatever the reason, school is full of way too much drama. If you can keep your head up and work on getting the best grades you can instead of sinking to their level, I congratulate you.

Thank you everyone for this advice. I'm not really a self conscious person and to be honest have no sense of embarrasement. I do a lot of mad yet self rewarding things without any remorse or regret and I feel proud to do it because it makes me me, special and unique. I like to show people who I am and what I like through many different ways (i.e. acting on stage, performing in concerts)
I don't mind being a geek, and people are learning to acept it's who I am. That sometimes when you have work to be done, partying isn't the right sort of thing to be doing.
I'm just a bit confused, their parents have way more money than me, they all have better life styles, I have to wake up at 5:30 am every morning and travel 32 miles to school every day, they don't, some only walk...
I have explained to them: "I don't like you doing this, I'm just an average person" and they say "But Mel, it's true"
Some of them seem to get at the fact that I'm too mature and that I don't have fun, but I do have fun! I just have fun in a different way! Like they on holiday may want to spend their days at waterparks, theme parks, the beach, I like to go on tour of fishing villages, go to see plays, walk in the mountains.
I guess I'm the girl always ready with the tissues and the cups of tea for anyone suffering from heartbreak. I don't mind lending my ears and helping but I don't like all this perfect business as my thanks.
It isn't hard to become someone like me, all you have to do is worry more about other peoples happiness and how you can make them happy rather than how you look.
I just wish they could see that I'm not amazing and that they are the ones with the real look and perfection... sigh
I'm only 13 and I'm hoping this tormenting will end. It never used to be like this and it's only just been arising since September 08, and I don't know what has sparked it.
And thank you JMjoseph, I'm glad that you think I'm a good person, you sound like one too :)

You write like an adult.
You just make sure to enjoy your life. By doing whatever it is that you like to do. I'm sure you will be O K . I wish you the best.

There is a old saying that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fense. You have what the others think they want, and they have what you think you want.
So if you want to be different, change, exersice more and loose a few pounds, get into some activity, debate club, drama that will build yourself confidence up.

I'm betting you are doing something, putting out an attitude, that encourages the caustic comments. I'm a perfectionist, and everyone who knows me knows it, so they delight in pointing out whenever I make a mistake. It's been like this since high school, and that was 400 years ago.

(But I AM perfect!! )

(I loved your comment, "Well your bound to get an a aren't you, the teachers worshiip the ground on which you walk." Btw, It's "you're bound..." in this case, not "your bound..." but I adore your not ending the sentence with the preposition! Maybe you are I are the two most perfect persons in the world... and I love your writing and the way you express yourself!)

To Wondergirl,
I don't think I have an attitude, I always try to be the quiet one that just smiles when good things happen. I don't actually mind the unperfect but... oh well... When I type my gramatical sense seems to go out the window :P I'm glad you like the way I express myself through words, there's this someone I know who just asks me to send them long emails full of rants and rambles about life... Back onto the subject... I don't try and be perfect, I try truthfully to be myself and I don't mind if my best isn't always wonderful. It's just the people around me who pick up on the fact that my best always seems to be perfect in THEIR eyes... *sigh*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Melhoneybee

To Wondergirl,
I don't think I have an attitude, I always try to be the quiet one that just smiles when good things happen. I don't actually mind the unperfect but ... oh well... When I type my gramatical sense seems to go out the window :P I'm glad you like the way I express myself through words, there's this someone I know who just asks me to send them long emails full of rants and rambles about life... Back onto the subject... I don't try and be perfect, I try truthfully to be myself and I don't mind if my best isn't always wonderful. It's just the people around me who pick up on the fact that my best always seems to be perfect in THEIR eyes... *sigh*

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I still maintain - ignore them, they are bullying you.

You are who and what you are - girls at that age will often try and single out someone that is subtly different, who they don't understand and who they may envy.

Perfect... imperfect - who cares?

You seem to understand what's going on - don't focus on these girls too much and don't let them see that it gets to you. They feed on this.

Eventually their interest in you will wane and they'll get bored. You just have to wait it out, difficult as that may be.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm betting you are doing something, putting out an attitude, that encourages the caustic comments. I'm a perfectionist, and everyone who knows me knows it, so they delight in pointing out whenever I make a mistake. It's been like this since high school, and that was 400 years ago.

(But I AM perfect!!!!!!!!!!!)

(I loved your comment, "Well your bound to get an a aren't you, the teachers worshiip the ground on which you walk." Btw, It's "you're bound..." in this case, not "your bound..." but I adore your not ending the sentence with the preposition! Maybe you are I are the two most perfect persons in the world...and I love your writing and the way you express yourself!)

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Hey Wondergirl, you misspelled "worship", just wanted to point that out, like you said.Ha ha.

Isn't she great at writing for a 13 year old?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Hey Wondergirl, you mispelled "worship", just wanted to point that out, like you said.Ha ha.

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That was deliberate to find out if you (anyone) read my post. :D

Thank you everyone for this advice. And thank you for complementing my writing :D

I just caught up...
And I have to say, although it can be annoying, just tell them to shut up.

Have fun. Don't make yourself do things you know are bad for you, but just enjoy life right now while you have very little worries, and quit worrying about everything so much.
Honey, you are too young for that.

OP,

When I was younger, I was just like you. Like most others have advised, don't let LITTLE things bother you. After 10 years you look back, those are plain little things. Strive for a drama free life and work hard on your goals. You don't necessarily have to keep all your friends all girls, boys are a lot easier to get along if you are a smart girl! Being smart, you should be ready to handle jealousy among peers ( especially among girls).