My mother talks down to me constantly. She says hurtful and belittling things to me for no reason at all. I never felt she was a wonderful or affectionate mother, looking back on my childhood now, I feel my mother was somewhat abusive even then.

My mother is not very supportive of me and is constantly either to busy to talk doesn't want to talk or when she is talking she's abusive, like my daughter.

Perhaps it is time to sever the ties??

what 2 do

What about counseling? If you have an abusive mother and daughter, you may have to look within to determine some of the factors of how you communicate or perceive communication.

Cursing and screaming I perceive as verbal abuse, I am checking into going back to counseling, either that or I a checking into a hotel.

You are living with your mother and daughter?
That must be a frustrating situation for all parties involved.
I wouldn't think right now would be a good time to start dating, you have a very full plate.

I only live with my daughter...

Definitely need to start getting out there and socializing, etc... having ---... I am not getting any younger...

It would be helpful to know more about the situation because people can go through difficult times when they are short tempered, such as menopause. It can also be a sign of alzheimers, so consider that there might be a medical/physical component to it. Hard to say - but if you're arguing back right now and that's not working, try understanding her viewpoint - not really agreeing so much as trying to hear what she's saying and where it's coming from. Sometimes responding to a scream with a soft voice will do a lot to bring reason to an unreasonable person. Just a thought - hope it helps.

I never suggest just cutting all ties with your mother but often it is best only to let them in your life as much as you can deal with. If that means only seeing her for some holidays or for a half hour a monthl, whatever you can handle.

I have decided not to speak to her. I am finished.

If that is all you can handle then that is what you need to do.

Have you confronted her about the things that bother you?

I take it though that she would just get defensive and offended and use tactics some moms will use to try and regain the upper hand in their eyes thaough huh?

I have asked her many times not to speak to me like a second class citizen and I believe now my daughter follows her lead (my mom does not live with me) when I look back on my childhood I recall being verbally abused as well (she was a screamer) My mother does not know how to engage in a conversation and cannot talk on many topics. Where I am versed on many, but not the leading maven. She always seems annoyed by our conversation, she says things like "is there anything else? "I'm tired I want to go? etc... I am tired of the ----. I am done, she will have regrets not me. I am not signing up for anymore of this. I was once told my a therapist when you are 15 and younger you are considered a victim anything thereafter a volunteer.

Yeah I kind of figured it was something like that. My mom wasn't a screamer but she was very up on the respect your elders thing so much that she talked to me like I was 7 when I had 7 year old of my own. When I would yell at her for saying or doing some stupid stuff that I had told her about repeatedly she would get all indignant and yell at me about respecting your elders like just because she was older it gave her rights so I was automatically wrong.
She has gotten better over the years though.

Although; my mother always needed therapy she never would go. It is always easier to point out the defects of others then to take a look at yourself. That's why I always loved the Michael Jackson song "I'm starting with the man in the mirror".

Maybe you taking charge of what you will accept from your mother, will also have a positive effect on your daughter. If she sees it is not okay, you are setting a standard for her as well not to be verbally abused.

It is interesting with people I've known who are so miserable and abusive verbally to their children/spouses etc. yet, somehow they manage to control themselves in public. Abusers like that have become accustomed to venting their anger at willing targets. It surely wouldn't work with the bank manager, or pharmacist.

I don't know of any 'law' that says you have to put up with bad behaviour from anybody, regardless of them being your mother. She just happens to be family and she takes advantage of that.

Maybe too, she will mellow a bit over the years, and find she can express herself and enjoy your company by showing a little respect toward you.

Surely you deserve that much from any human being.

Thank you for your kind words, it has been awhile.