Ask Me Help Desk - Has he lost interest?

So I met this guy through a friend and we hit it off pretty good, we pretty much texted constantly throughout the day and we both though each other was very cute. We have hung out three times so far and we've had fun together. Only one of the times we hung out just us two and immediately after our date he texted me saying he had a wonderful time and that he wanted to see me again. We continued texted all the time and he usually always texted me first. But lately whenever we have plans it always seems to fall through and I've even told him, :
"i get the hint if you dont want tohang out, you should just tell me if its that" and he always sayss that he's seriously not trying to blow me off and that he's sorry and he doesn't want me to think he's trying to give me a hint blah blhaa but it doesn't seem like he's putting much effort into seeing me, and the past 2 days he hasn't texted me first so I guess I'm just confused now. Do you think he still wants to hang out or do you think he's not interested anymore? =/

He may just have too much to do and not have the time. Let it go, give it time and maybe txt him with a simple how are things going.

He may be busy... or maybe he is no longer interested but doesn't know how to end it... or maybe he is still interested but only to a certain degree.

I would let it go for now. Stop initiating contact for now. If a week goes by and he hasn't made any attempt then you can likely assume that he either is no longer interested at all or only interested when it's convenient to him.. when he doesn't have anything "better" going on.

If he really is still interested, he shouldn't let more than a couple days of no contact go by before he starts texting you.

Yeah I feel like I gave him a perfectly good chance to end it when I asked him if he was trying to drop a hint and that its OK to tell me if he doesn't want to hang out. I don't know confusing

It may seem that way to you... but coming from a guy that has been in that position many times, it may not be.

He may care for you but may not be interested in an actual relationship with you. Maybe he just wants to be able to see you from time to time.. maybe he just wants to have you there in case he ever needs you... or maybe he thinks (or knows) that, regardless of what you say, he would hurt you if he said he told you he didn't want to see you anymore.

But then again, maybe he is just a little caught up with life right now. Pull back, do your own thing, give him some space... this will show him that you won't always just be there waiting for him on his terms. If he does have feelings for you, he will realize that (without even noticing) and he will start to come to you.

Law of Attraction 101 by DrJ ;)

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do you think he still wants to hang out or do you think he's not interested anymore?

Whatever his reasons, or interests, it best to have other things going on in your life, and not be so available, to someone who shows so little interest. Back off, have a blast with other people, and he will either chase, or ignore you.

His actions speak louder than his words, and right now at the very least, he isn't as interested as you are.

You said you met him through a friend has your friend said anything?

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we pretty much texted constantly throughout the day

I have two adult sons ,29 and 22 and in the beginning of a relationship,they will tolerate the endless texting but after a while they can't stand the constant barrage of trivial messages.

I hear things like *oh gees she has to text me to tell me she is having a candy bar* or *she just texted me to tell me she will text me in a while,she is going to take a shower*.

It gets on guys nerves.It would get on my nerves too so maybe he is just not into that constant texting.

Remember also that some men really like the chase.He can't chase you if you are too available.

Let him come to you and if he doesn't than you have your answer.

Yeahh I never thought about the texting thing I guess. That makes sense, because I let like 2 days go by and then asked him if anything was wrong and he said not at all things have just been hectic because he's going on a trip tomorrow and its been a busy week.

I agree 100% with what ArtLady said.

If he is sincerely interested in you, let him chase you! If you continue to pursue him, he may think you are 'easy'.

If he wants to be with you, if he really wants a relationship, let him "earn" it by initiating contact and conversation. That way you will know if it's meant to continue or time to look elsewhere.

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I let like 2 days go by and then asked him if anything was wrong

When we project fear, or insecurity, in a relationship, we drive our partners away. All those texts, and then asking what's wrong, after two days, without them, is projecting that to him. A guy needs space to do his thing, and you have to keep him on edge a bit, to keep the interest going.

Tal is dead on (as usual).

You texted nonstop for however long. Then you stopped completely for 2 days. Then your first communication was asking is something was wrong.

This is a VERY common mistake that both guys and girls make in a relationship or the pursuit of one... always asking "what's wrong", "is everything okay", "are you mad", etc.

While the asker may assume they are expressing concern, the one being asked (consciously or subconsciously) doesn't take it that way. It screams insecurity.

If you (like him) were more focused on your own life and not so worried about whether he likes you, you wouldn't have handled it the same way.

If it were me, I would have let more time pass and waited for him to make the next move. If he is interested, he will begin to wonder what you are up to or where you are. Right now, he knows that you are there whenever he is available or ready.

And if you don't hear from him after a while and you really want to text him, start with a "hey you... how are ya?" That kind of text gives off the impression (which hopefully reflects the reality) that you have a life too, you have been busy, you have some idle time so you thought you would see what he is up to. That would exude confidence... much more attractive than insecurity ;)

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Originally Posted by talaniman

When we project fear, or insecurity, in a relationship, we drive our partners away. All those texts, and then asking whats wrong, after two days, without them, is projecting that to him. A guy needs space to do his thing, and you have to keep him on edge a bit, to keep the interest going.

I first joined this forum a couple of months back with the same question as tammy,though the only difference was I was too late and found out what all you good people had to say after everything was over with my relationship.

When everything's great in a relationship and it feels like you've finally found THE ONE(at least in my case),it becomes like the center of the universe for some(especially women,for us when we think we've found love,it actually starts becoming the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world,more so than our jobs,friends,family and mostly,ourselves).We seldom realise that we are losing ourselves in the relationship,we are so caught up with the act of reaching out,bonding,expressing.

In my case,when I started sensing the distance I may have done ALL the wrong things,like asking him if everything was OK,why was he so aloof,etc etc,mails after mails,with no answer.Then the inevitable happened and there was this condescending mail from him,which did it for me.I still remember the words.He had written he didn't RULE out the possibility of a future together but that he needed space,time and bla bla bla.

Hurt made me respond like a severely out of control woman who had totally lost it and I vented all that was in me.According to me,I still maintain that the chase,the keeping on edge bit,the pulling away,all this stuff don't necessarily need to come up in a real,matured relationship where two people are really crazy about each other.Nobody should be penalised for feeling deeply attracted to somebody else and wanting to demonstrate their affection.

However,I have grown to realise that everybody's different and they have different needs and expressions.If you feel something's off with this relationship,then maybe it is.If your gut's making you question whether he's still interested,then maybe you should trust your gut.

So let go for now.Make yourself believe you are moving on cos you and this guy seem to be on different levels of needs right now.Apparently,he may not feel the need for you right now,so you need to understand that and start reducing your need for him.Little by little,start shifting your focus and move away.If he comes back,then you decide whether you want him back or not.Dont do what I did--vent and have a confrontation cos that can just end all possibilities.

There really is such a thing as love at first sight it real hard for people that have never experienced it to relate to it if your having to constantly verify the state of your relationship in your own mind there's got to be something wrong the real hard work of bonding with someone shouldn't come at the beginning that's were advise can come from so many different angles I've heard couples that move to fast don't work out and it not always the case
I'm rambling
All I can say is when its true LOVE you know it there's ,no waiting for correspondence , no coming up missing , no excuses