Ok Please help me! I am 17 years old, and am very frustrated! I have never been in a relationship.. ever, nor have I kissed a guy or all of that. I know, I know, you're probably going to tell me "just stop looking and you will eventually find your self a good man". Yeah will I have been doing exactly that! And nothing! And I really don't feel like I'm to young. I have felt this way for ever! But now it is starting to get really annoying/frustrating. I feel like since I have gone 17 years with out being in a relationship, then since nothing has happen in the love department, it will never. I know.. I need to be more optimistic. It's sad I am actually a pretty optimistic person. All my friends tell me that.. So why can't I be optimistic with love? GRRRRR!! I'm not that bad looking either. Many people tell my I'm really pretty. And guys have asked me out but I have always said no because either I didn't see any connection, or I just wasn't ready to be in a "relationship". I recently went to a wedding and I almost cried because it was so beautiful! Sometimes I feel like love is to good to happen to me. Sad right? Well I'm going to stop rambling on here. Please help... I'm dying here! What should I do?
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Hmmmm... gosh, where to start...

Ok, first of all, you have seen too many romantic comedies. Don't take offense to that... I have the same problem. But you can't expect to just be completely swept off your feet by some knight in shining armor.

Guys ask you out but you say no because you don't see a connection. Why don't you see a connection? Or the possibility of one? What was it about those guys that you didn't (or thought you didn't) like? And for that matter, how would you even now what you like if you've never been in a relationship?

Now imagine that a few years down the roard, you did suddenly run into the "man of your dreams". You like him... he likes you. He has been in relationships before... you have not. Basically, he has had a bit of a chance to learn what being in a relationship means... you have no idea other than what you have seen or heard from others. You end up making some classic relationship faux pas and *poof* he's gone for good.

Boys and girls start getting into relationships at a reasonably young age. Sure, at the time, they may think they are in love and at a certain level, some of them are. They get together, they have good times, they have bad times, something happens or things change, and they breakup. They are hurt but they learn... and go on to try it all again.

Hopefully, by the time they find the one they are destined for (if they are so lucky to even find that one), they have enough life experience to treat them they way they deserve to be treated.

Thank you for your reply. I do agree with you that I have seen way more romantic movie than I should have. But I am also very realistic about relationships. I really don't think one needs to be in a relationship to know how it works either. I know they are not all perfect. And I know every relationship has it's down falls. And I defiently don't expect to get swept off my feet... as much as I would like that.
And about the not going out with the guys who have asked me out... Well it is really easy to see if you have a connection with somebody or not. For example one of the guys who asked me out was really different. I can't explain it. He just creeped me out. I would never date a guy that creeped me out.
The reason I am so frusterated is because I don't want the situation to happen! The one where a couple years down the road I do happen to meet that special someone. But I don't want to date a complete bone head either if you know what I mean. So yeah, thanks for the reply though, I apreciate it.

Aside from relationships not all being perfect and having their downfalls, there is truly another aspect there that simply cannot be understood without actually experiencing it.

Love makes people do crazy things. It will make YOU do crazy things... things that you will look back on and think, "what the @&!$ was I thinking?!?!?" There is no doubt about it... it happens to us all.

Obviously, you shouldn't be dating anyone that you feel is "creepy" but what about when you weren't "ready" for a "relationship"? Not being "ready" for a "relationship" is an excuse.. not a reason. What was the real reason?

And it's okay to fall in love. And it's okay to get your heart broken. And it's okay to fall in love again.

Now, enough of all that. If you are trying to meet someone (of quality), you need to first strive to be 100% true to yourself. Don't say that you are... because you're not... none of us are. But do your best.

If you do this, you will be more confident in yourself. Confidence eliminates fear and self-doubt... two things that will repel the guys you're looking for and attract the guys you aren't.

Don't be afraid. Period. Get out there... don't be afraid of rejection... rejection is better than regret. And you seem to have a lot of regret already.

And no more of this "what if love is too good for me" stuff. Love isn't too good for anyone... you know that. You're defeating yourself.

This may sound like crazy talk to you but I have been playing this game for a long time and been in love with and loved by many women (that sounds worse than I mean it lol). But at 17, I was same boat..

Anyway, don't worry... I'm sure others will chime in with their opinions, too ;)

I think I agree with DrJ, in that dating for fun is the start of learning how to have fun, and be fun, and doesn't need a romantic connection. You never know who you'll meet, but turning down reasonable guys adds to the frustration even more.

I think you should adjust your attitude some to have fun being single and build a life around just being happy with yourself, and enjoy that happiness. That's usually what attracts others to you, as well as doing what you like to do. Patience more than anything, as romance will happen when you least expect it. Not because that's what you want. So enjoy your life, and be open to new things, eventually it will happen.

Don't worry how old you are.
My current girlfriend never had a boyfriend until she was 18. That was me. We are still together, and we are very happy.
I have had many girlfriends before her, but she is by far the best girl I've ever been with. It doesn't matter to me her "experience" she found a guy she really connected with, and it works.

On that note, I have many friends, guys and girls, well into adulthood, older than you, that have never had an intimate relationship.

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Originally Posted by CARPEANB000

But I am also very realistic about relationships

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If that were true, then you would know that, realistically, it is almost all just meaningless "dating" and true "relationships" don't start until you are out of school.

Keep your head up, have fun, and come back posting about how horrible you feel when you turn 30 without ever having a boyfrined. It won't happen, so, until then...

Good Luck!

Well, I disagree with trying to rack up experience points in relationships with the wrong people just to prepare for the real thing. First of all, unless you fall head over heals in one of these play dates, you will still make "rookie" mistakes with your first love. Then you will make seasoned mistakes in all the loves that follow. No one has this thing down to a science (except Talaniman, but I think he is an alien :) ).

Don't be so anxious. If and when you do meet *someone*, you'll more than likely scare the bejeezus out of him with such high expectations. Just relax and lower your guard a bit. I hated the first girl I fell for because I thought she was a drunken retard. Of course, she remained one and we eventually broke up, but somehow I still fell for her after time.

Ans yourself what does a "Relationship" mean for u? Bcoz solution of your problem is with you only.
What do you want, Just be in a date with any handsome hunk for a while, kissed by him, and pass time or a serious relationship in which your mind, heart and soul all say to you "Yes" it is right.
I feel you want someone one who will not only Love you from the whole of his heart but be with you forever. As u said that you almost cried in the weeding, it means you are looking for a stable relationship. Going on a date, enjoing time is good bcoz it will help you understand guys which will help you to select a right person in your life. Regarding experience, Do we need so many parents to learn how to have good with them. Same is here, if you will be able to select the right person then you will learn things automatically.
Marriage or relationship is a dance in which two live go with the rhythm i full swing, holding each other with passion, caring each other with love. So don't rush.
Also believe in yourself, carry yourself with grace. Don't be a ordinary girl, who is waiting to be picked by anybody. Just getting someone is not sufficient but getting the right one is important.

Hey, I was in your same situation too. Now I'm in university and I'm engaged. I didn't find my guy the first time, I had to go out with a few guys who weren't for me first. Even if you don't have an instant "connection", most times relationships sneak up you. Don't expect love at first sight.

I had no idea on my first date with my fiancé how it would go, I just gave him a chance and somehow lunch led to movies, which led to watching the super bowl, which eventually led to him proposing at his folks' place earlier this week.

Real life takes time, so just relax.

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Originally Posted by dipti jain

Ans yourself what does a "Relationship" mean for u? Bcoz solution of ur problem is with u only.
What do u want, Just be in a date with any handsome hunk for a while, kissed by him, and pass time or a serious relationship in which your mind, heart and soul all say to u "Yes" it is right.
I feel u want someone one who will not only Love u from the whole of his heart but be with u forever. As u said that u almost cried in the weeding, it means u r looking for a stable relationship. Going on a date, enjoing time is good bcoz it will help u understand guys which will help u to select a right person in ur life. Regarding experience, Do we need so many parents to learn how to have good with them. Same is here, if u will be able to select the right person then u will learn things automatically.
Marriage or relationship is a dance in which two live go with the rhythm i full swing, holding each other with passion, caring each other with love. So don't rush.
Also believe in your self, carry yourself with grace. Dont be a ordinary girl, who is waiting to be picked by anybody. Just getting someone is not sufficient but getting the right one is important.

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Wow, that was painful

I only got about halfway through it, it seemed like sound advice, what I could read, but I gave up after a little while...

Dipti, please, go read THIS and THIS.

I don't want to come across like I am advising to go on "play" dates or just randomly dating guys that you know aren't right for you.

But like inertia said, just put your guard down a little. You have to be willing to take risks. And while there should always be potential for great things, you have to okay with the possibility of it not working out.

HelpinHere, congrats to you and your girlfriend! It can, and definitely does, work out that way, but I wouldn't say that it is the norm. And while I do know a few people that started dating in high school and are still married today, you are right.. that, too, is not the norm. Relationships tend to take on a new meaning once you are out of school and on your own.

Also, I think a lot of it has to do with "knowing" what (or who) you want. We start with this idea of who our ideal mate is. Then, after finding that person, we often realize that they are not quite what we were expecting. Could be for the better or could be for the worse.. regardless, our idea of this ideal mate has changed.

I have dated a bit. For the most part, there has always been potential for more. That doesn't mean I dove in as if they WERE the one but the potential was always there.

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Originally Posted by HelpinHere

Wow, that was painful

I only got about halfway through it, it seemed like sound advice, what I could read, but I gave up after a little while...

dipti, please, go read THIS and THIS.

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I am sorry if u find it hard to read and understand.
Will u do me a favor? Please rectify the mistakes.

I'm going to take a stab at this:

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Originally Posted by dipti jain

Ans yourself what does a "Relationship" mean for u? Bcoz solution of your problem is with you only.

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Ask yourself what a "relationship" means to you? The solution to your problem can only be found with yourself.

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What do you want, Just be in a date with any handsome hunk for a while, kissed by him, and pass time or a serious relationship in which your mind, heart and soul all say to you "Yes" it is right.

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What do you want - just to be dating a handsome hunk for awhile, kissed by him and pass the time? Or to be in a serious relationship in which your mind, heart and soul all say "yes" to what is right?

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I feel you want someone one who will not only Love you from the whole of his heart but be with you forever. As u said that you almost cried in the weeding, it means you are looking for a stable relationship.

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I feel you want someone who will not only love you with all of his heart, but be with you forever. As you said, you almost cried at the wedding. It means you're looking for a stable relationship.

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Going on a date, enjoing time is good bcoz it will help you understand guys which will help you to select a right person in your life.

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Going on a date and enjoying your time together is good because it will help you understand guys, which will help you to select the right person for your life.

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Regarding experience, Do we need so many parents to learn how to have good with them. Same is here, if you will be able to select the right person then you will learn things automatically.

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... okay, I don't get this part.

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Marriage or relationship is a dance in which two live go with the rhythm i full swing, holding each other with passion, caring each other with love. So don't rush.

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Marriage or a relationship is a dance in which two lives go with the rhythm, full swing, holding each other with passion, caring for each other in love. Don't rush it.

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Also believe in yourself, carry yourself with grace. Don't be a ordinary girl, who is waiting to be picked by anybody. Just getting someone is not sufficient but getting the right one is important.

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Also believe in yourself, carry yourself with grace. Don't be an ordinary girl who is waiting to be picked by anybody. Just "getting" someone isn't sufficient, but getting the right one is what matters.


Okay, now that I've officially broken AMHD site rules by misquoting a post, someone report me :)

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Originally Posted by dipti jain

I am sorry if u find it hard to read and understand.
Will u do me a favor? Please rectify the mistakes.

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Don't apologize. Amhd is a world community.

No, love is NOT too good to be true. I waited until I found someone that I truly loved, and knew she loved me too, before I got married. I was 1 month shy of my 36th birthday when I got married. There is no rush, so don't push it. You will know it when you find it. The most important thing is to live life to the fullest. Good luck to you.

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Originally Posted by dipti jain

I am sorry if u find it hard to read and understand.
Will u do me a favor? Please rectify the mistakes.

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Sorry I sounded so harsh. I didn't intend it that way, and didn't realize until you quoted me.
Anyway, no appoligies needed. Maybe you aren't familiar with "chat speak", but it basically means typing out the majority of your words, such as:
"you" instead of "u"
"are" instead of "r"
"because" instead of "bcoz"

Thank you. :)

And this point is true... chatspeak posts will be deleted, often without a second thought...

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Originally Posted by HelpinHere

Sorry I sounded so harsh. I didn't intend it that way, and didn't realize until you quoted me.
Anyway, no appoligies needed. I was maybe you aren't familiar with "chat speak" but it basically means typing out the majority of your words, such as:
"you" instead of "u"
"are" instead of "r"
"because" instead of "bcoz"

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OP,

Please don't make yourself feel bad or think it's your fault... a lot of boys go the easiest way... which is the easiest girls, and because of that the great ones are alone most of the time.
Don't lose hope!