I have been married for almost 35 years. Had three children who are struggling in there own lives. I still have 2 adult children living with me who are having a hard time in finding there way in life. My husband main focus in being successful in the cooperate world and making lots of money and be somebody that people notice and respect in that world. The problem is in doing so his family life and his relationship with me and his children have suffered greatly. He sends me money every month to pay some of the bills. He left almost 4 years ago to work in a U.N. job in Canada. He comes home rarely. He is too busy with his job. I finding that is harder and harder to communicating with him. I can't even talk on the phone anymore. We have nothing in common anymore. We can't discuss the kids because he doesn't have any good relationships with them. He never calls them. Our house is up for sale right now because he wants me to move back there where he is. I agreed to put the house on the market but don't really want to sell it. I am not excited about moving there where he is. I am not the cooperate wife type. I love my animals and he hates them. I have horses which he dislikes. I have dogs which he can do without. What do I do? I did love him at one time but we are growing apart and it scares me. I hate the city that he is living in and have no desire to visit. Have to money to do so anyway. Should I call it quits. My family members think I should.
They say I would be better off financially if I do. I really don't want to move. I want to be near my childern. What should I do?

It doesn't sound like you have much with him.
Sounds not much different than moving to another country for an arranged marriage but you have the benefit of knowing what you would be getting yourself into.

I always tell my boyfriend when it comes down to me or my cats guess who wins!'

You look like your problem boils down to your home, children and pets or moving somewhere you don't like to be with someone you don't feel head over heels about.

That is a very tough situation to be in. It is not easy to pick up and move, and I don't hear you say that where he is now, is where he's going to stay.

If you do decide to move there, is he still going to be away from home a great deal of the time and just home more often? Does he want you to move there because he wants to keep the marriage going? Does he truly realize what is at stake here?

You seem to have talked a lot about your marriage to everybody else, and I'm wondering if it may not be time to sit and talk more to him.

Also, at what point after 33 years of marriage did him being a workaholic cause a problem for you, and did you try along the way to address your needs, and his shortcomings at not being around?

I suspect that the problems in your marriage weren't enough to end it during all the years you were married, so why now. I realize you have adult 'children' in the home, and maybe it is time to cut those apron strings too. If they are healthy and capable of working, shouldn't they be out of the nest?

I think it might be possible that they ease your lonliness, and the real problem here is leaving them behind to join your husband.

It seems that you have to make a serious choice here. I don't envy you, believe me, but a marriage that has lasted 33 years, is hard to give up, especially, if its for all the wrong reasons.

First of all, I really don't buy the idea that you'd be better off financially if you divorced him. At least not unless you're capable of supporting yourself with an income comparable to what he's now earning. And if you did decide to divorce you'd probably have to sell the house anyway as most states are what's known as community property states. That said, selling the home would be the only practical way of each of you getting your individual share of it's worth, which would be half the equity amount you have in it. The only other option would be if you had sufficient cash on hand to buy him out. Actually, moving out to where he is is appropriate. After all, it is his job and his career and, like it or not, as his wife you should be supportive of that. It does sound like the two of you are incompatible in certain ways but that's not a reason to dissolve a 35-year marriage. I just wonder how the two of you ever got married and made it this far in the first place. You're an animal lover and he isn't. I can sort of relate to him because I'm not crazy about animals either. But, bottom line, your marriage comes first. I hope that that principle will guide any decision you make.

Quote:

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I always tell my boyfriend when it comes down to me or my cats guess who wins!'

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I hope you're going to say your boyfriend but I have a feeling that ain't so, right? Lol!

It's time you got on a plane and went to visit your husband. It's time to talk.

The marriage sounds empty - he's filled his life with his work and you've filled your life with the children. You and your husband have been like ships in the night meeting occasionally over the years and communication has totally broken down between you.

After 35 years you need to have a conversation with him about what you're thinking and feeling. He's supported you financially over these years and you owe him that.

It's going to be hard but you need to let him know your concerns, your fears and your need to be close to the children. The only way to do this is to talk to him about it.

Who knows what his response and what the outcome will be? No one can tell you that, but it may be better than you think. Put aside your fear and do it.

Yeah a vacation to Canada to see where things stand and where they will go may be the best thing before you go jumping into any life altering decisions.

You move, and should have moved 4 years ago. It is not a real choice not to.

Your adult children have to take care of thierself, and while you love them, you have to work on your own relationshp

It sounds as if you have already left him,at least emotionally.

It is almost as if you are married in name only.

I agree that you need to meet face to face and have a serious sit down.

Perhaps you can see if there is not some way of compromising so that you can continue as a couple,if indeed you still want to salvage your marriage.

Old school marriage dictated that the wife had to follow her husband anywhere his employment took him.Military wives have had to contend with this for years but they knew that going in.

If you did not expect that your life would head in this direction and you feel that you do not want to uproot your family,he should be made aware of that.

I am sure you do not want to toss away 35 years on a whim,so have that meeting and hash this out ,trying to find a compromise that everyone can live with.

First of all it seem there is something between two of you that keep you together for 35 years and that is love because you said you are two different people you like animals and he do not like
The funny thing about love is it never dies or get less by time but some time we forget due to events that happens in our lives or you can say we don't say to each other that I love you
We get busy or what can I say I am not expert in love
About you I can only give you advice that
You should take a chance and go to Canada and see your husband sit together and talk about this thing and save your marriage.if you two come up something to save your marrige it will be nice and if not then you are an adult and you know your position well and you will survive be brave have some faith in you I hope every thing will be all right
Be strong.