MY daughter who lived with me for 27 years and had a business with me for 10. (horse business) Before we split almost 2 years ago she had an affair with a married man and ended up pregnant. I helped raise her daughter for 2 1/2 years . She started dating a guy she met on the internet. Mean while the father of the baby was threatening to take the child away from her. She didn't have a full time job. Just the horse business which was not consistent. She asked a lawyer what she could do. She either had to get a full time job or get Married. She ended up getting married to this guy that she only knew for 5 months. She eloped one day. I was very upset since she was our only daughter. I was a huge shock. I didn't handle the disappointment very well. It took a good month to digest it . It still hurts to this day. She got married in June so her father and I gave her a reception in October. It was set up to very nice. Well we got shot down again. She and her husband never talked to us at the party. I had relatives in from out of state and they never made an effert to spend time with them. I couldn't believe this was happening again. She was leaving us out again. I tried to get some answers from my daughter a few days later but she would just walk away from me. I got so emotional because I was so hurt that I kicked her out of the business. It was not my intent. It just few out of my mouth. She treated us so disrespectful along with her new husband. She took her 5 horses that night and left. After a night of not sleeping I tried to contact her the next day but she would not answer her phone. She came back to the barn after a couple days because she had to finish training some horses that she had started for the month. I tried to talk to her to try and resolve the situation but she would not even look at me. I wanted her to come back. Its been almost 2 years and she still won't talk to me on the phone. I have seen her a few times . It seems to be o.k. but when I try to call or email her she won't answer me unless its something she wants or needs at the house. I am not allowed to go up to her house. Her husband band me from the place. I miss my grandchild. I was so close to her. It just broke my heart not being able to see her. I miss them so much. I want to be in their lives again. When I do get to see my granddaughter who is 4 now gives me a big hug. She has even invited me up to her house. I don't understand what is going on. I am a very loving person, My kids are my life. My husband is a workaholic and is working out of states right now. He has distance himself from the situation in two different ways. Mind amd miles. I want to be part of my granddaughters life and be a hands on grandmother like I was before. I have friends that have grandkids and are doing things with them all the time. I hurts so much that I can't even go visit them. They live about 40 minutes away. I believe it has a lot to do with the husband. The last time I saw my granddaughter she told me that daddy didn't like me. I told her that that was sad. That I liked her dad and that we would have to work on him liking me. That was when she asked me to come up to her house. I would love to be able to go up . Anyone have any ideas on what I can do to change this situation. I did go up a couple times. I texted her before I went and I met her on the road leaving. I followed her once thinking maybe she was just going to the store but she started to take side roads to loose me. I just went back home. This is so bizarre. This isn't my daughter. She was a very loving and caring person. Why she has turned on me I don't know. It just hurts so much. I have tried to be patient and not be over bearing in requesting to see my granddaughter. I have done everything they have asked of me but 2 years seems like its long enough and I would love to start working on getting things resolved. You never know what can happen. We never got to know our son-in-law and he hates us. Why I don't know. I know I have to move on with my life but this is so hard to let go because I love them so much. What can I do.

When she comes by your place have you asked her why you ''can't have that loving daughter back?'' Tell her that you want her to talk to you again and you two to get along even if it means going by her terms like you agree you won't go to her house but at least communicate and visit you.
If you are willing to take her back working on the horses you could even tell her you are willing to do that but first you need to know that things will work out with you two.
It most likely is that her husband doesn't want you around, but nothing you can do about that for now. You need to take small steps working at getting back into your daughters life again first.
It's a waste of time to go to her house because most likely she is just getting in the car and driving to get you away from her house and really doesn't have anywhere she is going.

Perhaps sending cards or thoughtful notes to her and your granddaughter from time to time (not too often so as to appear that you are a stalker) would remind her that you are a caring person. I would also send a birthday card to your son-in-law, something humorous. Many young adults in their twenties seem to distance themselves from their parents because they are still separating and believe that is the way to become independent. Set an example of loving kindness and perhaps "adopt" a grandchild by being a foster grandparent or through a church. You have love and gifts to give!

You may think that she has decided to write you out of her life forever, but I think you're wrong.

It is what it is right now, but that is not to say things will not improve and turn around.

My advice to you is to respect the distance your daughter has clearly shown. Do not go up unnanounced, don't call, and when you do see your granddaughter, don't engage in any conversation about her dad. Kids have a way of saying things in a kid way, not an adult way, and you are risking even further damage by saying things like, "we have to work on daddy", which means something entirely different with the end taken off your statement to her. Chances are it was relayed in an unfavourable light. Kids are kids.

What I would do is, once a week, sit down, and write your daughter an email. General stuff, add information as to how your week was, the business, the horses, her father, etc. Talk about general things that you would normally do, if you were face to face. Nothing in the email to imply that you are hurt, angry, distrustful of her husband, disappointed in her, and missing your granddaughter.

Take the high road here, and don't be needy. That puts pressure on them, and for whatever reason, they have backed off. A new approach may get them thinking again, and when they see a change in you, they may change too.

As hard as it is, realize it will take time, and go slow. Don't make the mistake of thinking that because they have been friendlier, that things are back to normal. Instead, let them make the moves as to visiting, and you seeing your granddaughter.

No pressure, no regrets, no re-hashing. Start over, go slow, and with a little bit of luck, this will work out well for all of you.

I have no advice to give..
.. we are very sorry that your daughter behaves with you this way..

Want to and give you a big hug to make up for all the things you have gone through..
I hope everythin works out for u.

Wan you to know we all love u.. take care

Agree with Jake , please don't chase them or anything like that
Also
Came across the saying that sometimes kids behave like how cats do -they will come and drink milk but do as they please and not even look at you. Sometimes they behave like puppies, jump around you and show affection.
So maybe its matter of time.

Time is a gift, that is why it's called the present :-) I have a grown daughter and 4 grandchildren. My husband and I also have an eleven year old son, and a 27 yr old son. We did not get to celebrate Christmas with our daughter and grandchildren until February. I miss them all so very much. Like you, I have a lot of love to give them, but rarely get to see or even talk to them. I try not to be pushy, text her to see how they all are doing, telling her I miss and love her. I do ask if the grandbabies can call us (through text), I have also sent her husband kind words through texting. Sometimes I get no reply and other times she will tell me "maybe they can come the weekend" or "maybe I will bring them by a day next week" but she hasn't. She did tell me she would have them call, but not yet. I keep on praying and hoping our relationship will mend. I have so much love to give to my daughter, her husband (our son-in-law) and our 4 grandchildren, who are 7,5,3, and 6 months. My daughter and grandkids used to come around a lot. And then my husband started being sick with a lot of dappointments and I couldn't keep our grandchildren when they needed me to, so my daughter told me that I was selfish, and that I only wanted to watch the kids on my time, which I didn't. I had to take my husband to see a lot of different specialists, and it made it hard for me to keep them on those particular days. Ever since, we do not see them. My husband did tell our son-in-law that he could not allow him to continue keeping our grandchildren from us and his reply was that we would never see them again. I then received text from our son-in-law that he would make sure we were just a memory to his kids. My grandchildren had such a loving bond.
My husband did finally apologize to him, (after I spent months of crying my eyes out). He told my husband oh, everything was fine, but it has not been the same, and I miss my children, they are my world, I do not want to take them away from my daughter, or get more of their attention, I just want to be their loving NaNa. We must continue to pray and ask for wisdom to lead us into the most beautiful relationship ever with our daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren, BELIEVING!!

Wow, this is from a daughter here, so hopefully my perspective will help you figure out how to fix this, though it won't make you feel good.

So during the most stressful time in her life, when she was DESPERATE, and desperate no matter who's fault it was, desperate about keeping her child, you as her mother not only don't support her but you denigrate the solution she has found for her problems. Then you kick her out of a business you'd run together for 10 years because you were angry.

No wonder she won't talk to you.

If you want your daughter back, apologize. Profusely. Don't stop. Do it over and over and over, detail in exactly what ways you were wrong and how you wish you could have done things differently. Explain to her how you would never do anything like that again. DO SOMETHING other than wring your hands. The longer you let this go on the harder it will be to fix without someone dying or some other major catastrophe happening.

Your daughter's not something you should take for granted. You did. Now you have to pay to get her back. You either can do what will get her back, or fail and not get her; your hurt feelings won't matter. Do, or do not, those are your options.

And it looks like you are just feeling sorry for yourself and wringing your hands. Try not using the granddaughter to make an end run into the house. Deal with your daughter directly, and don't use her kid to get to her, because she'll just resent you more. Go to her holding nothing but open hands filled with apologies and offers of help. Because you screwed her over when she really needed you, and I don't see her getting over that without some major incentive to do so. The only incentive I can think of is convincing her that YOU are the mother she remembers. So SHE'S not the daughter you remember? You ing her over and hanging her out to dry probably feels to her like SHE'S lost HER mother, not that YOU'VE lost your daughter. SHE lost her MOM when you bailed on her about her kid and her personal life and her livelihood, and the only way I can see she'll want you back in her life is to convince her that you have something she needs (a trusting, balanced, healthy relationship she can depend on) and that she can trust you'll give it to her, and not EVER do to her again what you did when she was lonely, scared, desperate, and under attack. You turned right around and attacked her when she needed you. Wow, how do you not see that?

I think you've made your bed, and you're unhappy about how it feels.

I mean, really, you are nasty for at least a month about her husband, the man she has chosen to help her deal with her problems and raise her child, and then a few months later you feel like she should just forget about that, and about being thrown out of her business and her livelihood, and be perfectly fine and friendly with you and YOUR relatives. Are they HER relatives? Does she know them well? It was the reception for HER marriage, which instead of using as an opportunity to try and mend fences over the pain and hurt you've caused, the trauma you've caused, you are hurt that you weren't the center of her attention? I assume there were other people there, right?

Sounds like at worst you raised a child as selfish as you, and at best your daughter is a nice person who is treating you exactly how you deserve. Stop thinking about yourself for once, and try seeing things from her perspective.