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My son is 2 months old and he sees his father about every day for an hour to four. Before I tell you this, let me give you a little background on the situation. His father and I weren't together but for a few weeks before I got pregnant. We couldn't really get a long too well and decided that we wouldn't stay together just for the sake of our child and that we could do better at parenting with not actually being together. He ended up getting a new girlfriend and moving them and her two kids into the home before my son was even born. Since Brendan was born I have always told his dad that he could see him whenevere he wanted to and that I would never stop him from seeing him or spending time with him when he could. He is in the military and works about 12-15 hours a day. He goes on deployment about once a year. He gives me $300 a month and buys extra stuff for him too. I recently filed petitions through the courts for child support and custody. He had discussed earlier that he wanted joint custody cause he wanted to be involved in his life. I don't feel that he should get joint custody since I am the main one taking care of him and he is taking care of him when he has no further obligations and has a chance to. We are going to mediation soon, and all he said that he wanted out of mediation is what we are doing now. He wants nothing to change. So, my question now is if we keep it the same how it is now is it going to be considered joint custody? Or are they going to say that I have primary physical custody now? Any advice on what I can do to try to persuade him to let me have the legal custody?

With him being gone so much I fail to see how he would be able to exercize any joint custody rights. (i.e.: making joint decisions with you regarding your child's religious, education and minor medical decisions). Joint custody won't affect child support or anything else except the foregoing. A lot of dad's want it to make them feel better though. It's a personal call and it sounds like you've already made the decision. If both parties don't agree to Joint custody it will be denied. Period. The ball is in your court.

If he wants joint custody then he'll probably get it. And, given the circumstances, there's really no reason why he shouldn't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajarrells91985

My son is 2 months old and he sees his father about every day for an hour to four. Before I tell you this, let me give you a little background on the situation. His father and I werent together but for a few weeks before I got pregnant. We couldnt really get a long too well and decided that we wouldnt stay together just for the sake of our child and that we could do better at parenting with not actually being together. He ended up getting a new girlfriend and moving them and her two kids into the home before my son was even born. Since Brendan was born I have always told his dad that he could see him whenevere he wanted to and that I would never stop him from seeing him or spending time with him when he could. He is in the military and works about 12-15 hours a day. He goes on deployment about once a year. He gives me $300 a month and buys extra stuff for him too. I recently filed petitions through the courts for child support and custody. He had discussed earlier that he wanted joint custody cause he wanted to be involved in his life. I dont feel that he should get joint custody since I am the main one taking care of him and he is taking care of him when he has no further obligations and has a chance to. We are going to mediation soon, and all he said that he wanted out of mediation is what we are doing now. He wants nothing to change. So, my question now is if we keep it the same how it is now is it going to be considered joint custody? Or are they going to say that I have primary physical custody now? Any advice on what I can do to try to persuade him to let me have the legal custody?

If he's just wanting to keep things as they are . So be it ! Take the child support he's giving you . Usually the courts go to joint custody meaning that each parent has the right to medical , dental , school, and religion issues of the child . But it will give one parent the right to make exclusive decisions as to what happens when the other parent isn't around . And usually one parent will have possession of the child more than the other parent . And just one primary residence for the child . Which it sounds like it would be you . Since your ex works lots of hours and is deployed for long periods. You have the better end of the deal . As the saying goes... If it isn't broke... don't fix it ! Just leave things as they are . That way you will have your child support and your child .

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajarrells91985

My son is 2 months old and he sees his father about every day for an hour to four. Before I tell you this, let me give you a little background on the situation. His father and I werent together but for a few weeks before I got pregnant. We couldnt really get a long too well and decided that we wouldnt stay together just for the sake of our child and that we could do better at parenting with not actually being together. He ended up getting a new girlfriend and moving them and her two kids into the home before my son was even born. Since Brendan was born I have always told his dad that he could see him whenevere he wanted to and that I would never stop him from seeing him or spending time with him when he could. He is in the military and works about 12-15 hours a day. He goes on deployment about once a year. He gives me $300 a month and buys extra stuff for him too. I recently filed petitions through the courts for child support and custody. He had discussed earlier that he wanted joint custody cause he wanted to be involved in his life. I dont feel that he should get joint custody since I am the main one taking care of him and he is taking care of him when he has no further obligations and has a chance to. We are going to mediation soon, and all he said that he wanted out of mediation is what we are doing now. He wants nothing to change. So, my question now is if we keep it the same how it is now is it going to be considered joint custody? Or are they going to say that I have primary physical custody now? Any advice on what I can do to try to persuade him to let me have the legal custody?

Depending on the laws in your state, the two of you can have "joint custody", but you can be the domiciliary parent. Domiciliary parent is when you make all final decisions for the minor child e.g. medical and school decisions. With that in place he will still be obligated to pay you child support and the two of you can keep whatever custody arrangements you have now, if that is working for you.

What is joint custody?
Joint custody has two parts: joint legal custody and joint physical custody. A joint custody order can have one or both parts. Joint legal custody refers to both parents sharing the major decisions affecting the child, which can include school, health care and religious training. Other considerations under these types of custody agreements can include: extracurricular activities, summer camp, age for dating or getting a job, and methods of discipline.
Joint physical custody refers to the time spent with each parent. The amount of time is flexible, and can range from a moderate period for one parent, such as every other weekend, to a child dividing the time equally between the two parents' homes. In situations where the time spent with both parents will be divided equally, it helps if the parents live close to one another. See table with State Laws Regarding Joint Custody.
Source: Atkinson, Jeff, The American Bar Association Guide to Family Law, 1996.

So I can see him getting joint legal custody, but you getting joint physical custody.