Hello Everyone,
I haven't posted on here in awhile. I've been concentrating on my work and spending time with friends and family. The advice and answers I have gotten from previous sitations has helped me grow, understand, and know what I want and what I DON'T want.
I've been trying to avoid the bar/club scene as the women I find there always seem to have problems... Well I found one at a grocery store and she is already acting funny... so here it goes...
I meet a girl about 2 weeks ago. We exchanged numbers and started talking a few days later. We txted a few times. We made plans to go out. I said I would take her out to dinner. I asked her what food she liked or if she had any specific place in mind. She said no. I picked the place. A nice, quiet, italian restaurant 5 minutes. From our area. She said fine and asked what to wear... I said it's a wide range of attire. Jeans, suits, dresses... it all goes.
So... I went to pick her up... I'm half way to her house and she calls me saying "Hey, I think im too over dressed. I'm wearing a dress and heels. I said thats fine. She said "Well can we go to the Olive Garden instead"? I said fine...Now...keep in mind that The Olive Garden is 45 mins from us. And when I got there she decided to change back into jeans anyways.
We had a good time and all. She txts me everyday. We talk and hung out a few times. I met her friends bc they wanted to meet me and all was well. Today is when she made me mad. We had plans to hang out tonight. She was gonna come over and I was going to cook for her and we were gonna watch a movie.
She txt me today asking if I wanted to stop by her work on my way home from practice...So I did...Spent about 2 hours with her. She said she would be over later if she wasnt too tired cause she works earlier tomorrow.
She calls me and says shes going home bc she has a headache. And that I can txt her tonight if I want. I said ok...
I txt her later on to see how her headache was doing....she said Ok.
I said well i guess your gonna get to bed soon. And she responded "Well I just took an energy so I have a lot of energy. Then she told me she was out with her girlfriend.
I got a little mad since we had plans. I just simply said OK, well gnight.
I didn't want to argue or say anything ill regret... So I left it at at that. Then she text me about 8 times saying what's wrong? Are you mad? Answer me. Are you ignoring me? What's your problem?
She called twice.. actually just 10 minutes ago after she said she didn't want to stay up late. I am doing NC until I decide what to do.
Any advice or help?

Ummm... I was under the impression NC was for breakups and stuff...

This just seems like she kind of ditched you for her girlfriend, and now you are giving her the cold shoulder... Not the best way to deal with it if you asked me..

My advice is to respond to her, because it seems she likes you and you like her. Don't ignore her, that's never the right way to go, and she didn't do anything that wrong in the first place. Maybe let her know gently you were a little sad that she ditched you, but you are OK about it. Or don't mention it at all and just let it go. Its not a big deal...

Basically, contact her and talk to her. Don't let this little thing spoil what you have so early in the relationship...

Well, I do think she did something wrong. We had plans and she totally blew me off and then acting like I should be OK with it. What she did was not OK. It was inconsiderate and disrepectful. I mean I wouldn't do something like that to her.

That's right, you wouldn't, but did she do it intentionally?

Maybe she just forgot you guys had plans. It happens.

I still don't think it is grounds for NC.

I agree here too buddy. NC seems a tad harsh for the early stages of a relationship like this perhaps something a little less drastic. Maybe politely point out that you guys had plans or ask her in A NICE way why she bailed on the plans previously made?

A few observations -

1. You met her two weeks ago, but how much time have you spent apart with your own friends in those two weeks? From your post, it sounds like you've spent a decent bit of time together. Maybe she wanted some space?

2. You have a right to be a little upset about her actions here, but you seem to be taking a small issue very personally. You shouldn't just let it blow over, but cutting her out and ignoring her will only make this situation worse. You need to meet with her face to face and discuss your misunderstanding of the situation, and try to communicate better with each other.

3. There is always a three :P

No Contact is the process of removing someone from your life after you've developed a strong emotional bond with him or her and have to cope with letting him or her go. It's a way to refocus on your own life so that you can become stronger without being distracted by your ex. In this case, you aren't using NC - you're simply ignoring her.

~ Tee

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

Thats right, you wouldn't, but did she do it intentionally?

Maybe she just forgot you guys had plans. It happens.

I still don't think it is grounds for NC.

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She def. didn't forget. She called me at 10pm and she was out at 1045pm. We had plans set for 3 days and also confirmed plans when I stopped off at her work.

I guess I shouldn't use NC as a means of what I did... I simply did not want to talk to her cause I didn't feel like arguing or saying something out of anger. So I just tried to relax.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Triysle

A few observations -

1. You met her two weeks ago, but how much time have you spent apart with your own friends in those two weeks? From your post, it sounds like you've spent a decent bit of time together. Maybe she wanted some space?

~ Tee

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We hung out 3 days out of over 2 weeks.
She is with her friends EVERYDAY! No lie... They either get lunch or dinner together.
So far... every single day I talked to her she was with her friends. Right before we hung out, she was with her friends


Well , I text her earlier. I told her the reason I didn't want to talk lastnight was because I was upset at the fact she dissed me when we had plans. She simply replied "Oh".
We had plans tonight to go see a movie. I bought the tickets yesterday. I text her the times and asked if she wanted to still go tonight... and no word or text back from her.

Hmmm.. don't think she was all too impressed with you being upset before...

Her "Oh" reply should kind of tell you that.

Anyway, I doubt she will be coming with you for the movie, and if your don't apologize to her in a big way, I think this will be one of the last messages you get from this girl...

If you do come back, let us know how it went. Thanks and Good luck

Next time this happens, take a little tip from my book. A simple response to her text "I am a little hurt about the breaking of our plans but I will get over it. Please let me cool off for the rest of the night and I will text you tomorrow or maybe later tonight. Enjoy your night" and then go about your business, if you like this girl, don't do NC with her over something like this

Yo man,

She's nuts. Ditch Her.

Nothing else needs to be said.

Love,
LCM

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Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan

Yo man,

She's nuts. Ditch Her.

Nothing else needs to be said.

Love,
LCM

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Dude... long time...

But nah... not great advice... She hasn't really done something so bad or unforgivable yet, nothing that warrants NC anyway, so it is way too early to "ditch her"...

That's your opinion beautiful, but in other words why are you going to deal with a girl that clingy after two weeks? Ten texts and two calls? Like seriously... "some girls try too hard"

Just let it come baby!


P.S. - Check my thread man I posted, an update https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ke-280105.html

I don't know if the OP was talking about the girl being clingy, he seemed more interested in the fact she ditched him to hang out with her friend. I think that's the opposite of clingy.

And the relationship is still fresh and new, so they would want to keep in contact now, because they are just getting to know each other... and they enjoy each other's company, so there is no reason why they can't talk a lot and stuff...

Hey, everyone... So I have a HUGE update since my last post. So Friday we had plans to go to the movies. I text her around 3pm and said "Hey, i would still like to go to the movies later on. Do you still want to go? Let me know by 7pm" She text me at 6pm and said, OK, what are the times? I told her and never heard back from her. The times were 940 and 1040. I made other plans at 9 since I didn't hear back from her. She calls me at 1015. Then text me twice. I was away from my phone, so I responded about 15 minutes later. She was asking me, where are you? Who are you with? I said out with friends. She said "Oh, well have fun" Then she text me again saying "Did you forget we had plans to go see a movie tonight? I told her I txt her to let me know by 7pm if she still wanted to go...Her excuse was that she was working, but she answered my txt when I said that.
We also had plans to get together saturday...Again, she txt me first saturday morning. She said that her new room was painted and that she had to move stuff in. So I assumed we werent getting together. I asked and she said. Well, I have to get stuff done in my room, but maybe later. I simply said in a nice way that we had plans. She said "Well I just said we can hang out later. We can watch a movie or something". So I expected to see her later. She txts me around 8 saying "Me and my dad are at home depo"
"I'm sorry I've been in a really miserable mood all week and if I hang out with you I know illl be a B*tch and take it out on you and I don't want that. I don't mean to blow you off, I do want to hang out. I do like you. I get weird in the beg. I'm not canceling plans because I don't want to hang out, I just have to get stuff out of my old room. But we can probably watch a movie later". So I left it at that. I called her around 11 to see how her room was coming along....She's hanging out with her friend Jessica again...just in her house. I asked if we were still hanging out she said "Huhhh... let me call you back" She called back and said "Hey would you want to come to Jess's BBQ tomorrow? I said I'm not sure and headed out with my friends.
The next day she text me again. Saying "Hey" "Are you mad at me?" "Are you mad at me from lastnight?" I do want to see you... Well the BBQ party got cancelled because of the rain... I didn't see her yesterday either... so... ADVICE!! Please!!
I mean I'm not doing anything wrong. I treat her w respect... I make an effort to see her.

Stop texting, TALK in person. If you have a problem, meet her and talk like adults, it's the only way to resolve the issue. Also don't be mad when you talk and try to be as calm as you can be.

You two have an obvious problem of failure to communicate. Maybe you should TALK about it, in a mature way?

I am trying to. Every time we make plans she makes excuses. I'm getting tired of just texting all the time and not seeing her. I told her this and she said I know. I'm sorry. I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me again.

How about face to face, now that's where communications can start, not texting or calling over the phone, IN PERSON. If dating is that hard for you with her, your with the wrong partner. You can't build on nothing.

Talaniman rule- If getting to know someone by dating them is no fun, why date them???

Talaniman Rule- It takes more than a few dates to have a relationship.

Talaniman Rule- No communications, No relationship.

Talaniman Rule- You don't run head first into a brick wall. Thats crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Date 'em all, then pick one.

I agree, I mean I always make an effort to see her in person or to go out on dates. Movies, dinner etc. She always comes up with an excuse. But, she's always txting and calling me. But that gets us nowhere. How long should I put up with this until I move on and forget it?

I think using no contact would be a great way to find out her true intentions.

No contact is not about punishing, ignoring, or "removing" anyone from your life... these are ALL misconceptions.

It is a strategy that when used correctly will 'flip" a switch in your mates head and gently force them to make a decision.

Sometimes it is the 'wake up" call they needed to appreciate what they have before it's gone for good.

If you really want to find out what her true feelings are then properly initiate NC with the appropriate NC message, and watch what happens.

If you don't care to find out, stop worrying about her and move on.

Since this is a young relationship the damage will not be that bad, right?