My boyfriend has always been very active in his sleep, but in the last few months it's gotten very bad. He tosses and flips around, yells and swears and calls me names. He will lecture me about everything (from putting oil in the car, to how I train my dog)and will have partial conversations with me (he's very angry and mean the whole time) He will twist the actual days events and yell and carry on about it, and then it seems to continue when he wakes up, or at least he tries to defend his anger (I moved and woke him up, or I was on his side of the bed etc.) We have been fighting all the time, asleep and awake.
Two night ago I woke up to him on top of me ( I was face down) and he was freaking out, his arms swinging wildly. He quickly rolled off me, then became defensive (arms over his head, acting like I was beating on him? ) This is the first time he's actual gotten ontop of me, I've gotten lots of flying elbows and knees, but never so deliberately.
Last night when he started yelling and swearing I moved to the couch. I'm not sure what to do, his family said this has been happening since he was about 14 (he's 34 now). It is making me feel very depressed and worthless, and many times I wake up angry at how he spoke to me the night before. He doesn't remember or acknowledge anything.

My boyfriend was doing things like that too nothing out of the ordinary though. Until one day I woke up with him choking me and screaming irrationally.
The only solution I know are
Dump him
Sleep in separate rooms
Make him go to a sleep diagnosis center.

Oh and never reply when they are sleeping. It may be okay, even funny, with some who talk in their sleep but when anger is involved it is the worst thing you can do.
Also NEVER wake a sleeping guy. I even told my sons set an alarm I AM NOT responsible for waking you. Many guys wake up punching when they are woken up

Get him to a sleep disorder clinic and don't sleep in the same bed as him. That way he will get some help and you won't have to listen to his $hit.

Oh, and perhaps he needs anger management classes as well!

Definitely get him diagnosed! It could be a sleeping disorder, or it could be an underlying mental disorder---I'm not saying it is, but you never know until you get him to a doctor!

A lot of mental disorders cause strange sleeping habits. I know mine did, until I got on medicine!

But hopefully, and most likely, it's just a sleeping disorder. In any case, be sure to take him to the doctor ASAP before it really begins to hurt your relationship!

Is he angry when awake? What does he say about this: is he apologetic, does he want it to stop?

N0help4u offered some great choices: "dump him, sleep in separate rooms, make him go to a sleep diagnosis center."

Good luck.

Sarah

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

Is he angry when awake? What does he say about this: is he apologetic, does he want it to stop?

N0help4u offered some great choices: "dump him, sleep in separate rooms, make him go to a sleep diagnosis center."

Good luck.

Sarah

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Sorry Muddy, I had to spread the rep, but your questions were very good ones! Does the anger carry over into their relationship while he's conscious? And his attitude afterwards is very telling of his character!

If this has been going on for 20 years, as his family has said, did they offer any idea as to what, if any, treatments or assessments were done over the past two decades?

Also, with him knowing how he is, has he tried to help himself? See a Doctor, research sleep clinics etc?

The bad behaviour he exhibits during his sleep, that he has no recall of, and uses other people as excuses for his behaviour, is really no different in a way, than a drunk lashing out at his/her spouse, not remembering anything, and blaming all the broken dishes on her, not remembering his violent outburst.

I'm not saying that he doesn't have a good medical reason for this sleep disorder, I'm saying that if he knows what happens, and how it is affecting his life and others around him, and he has coped with it for 20 years, surely he has tuned into the fact that he needs to do something?

Have you considered a small digital voice-activated recorder? That might be helpful in convincing him of what he does verbally, and something to take along for an assessment.