- aite well me and my ex have been on and off for the last three years.. mainly off.. the first 9 months were amazing following that everything has just gone downhill. Currently she's living with another guy but she still hits me up and comes by to see me here and there and also we still argue like were together only were not.. what bothers me is I love the girl so much and would do anything for her I mean I've lent her 600 dollars so she wouldn't be in debt I've sat there and listened to her complain or talk in general about her new boyfriend.. and the whole time this is going on I'm so confused because I've been there for her through all her ups and downs and I've helped her in every way possible not only financially but mentally and in return I feel in a sense like I'm being walked all over.. she knows I have a big heart she knows I'm not seeing anybody right now so I'm sure she finds it easy to measel her way in and out of my life. I just become lost because I don't know how to let her go.. I sit and think very pessimisticly about her and I feel like she's the girl I want to be with forever even though we don't have a healthy relationship.. it feels like I'm sitting around waiting for her to grow up and just admit that she loves me and quit playing these mind games.. I see everything that's going on for the most part I'm not dumb you know but its like my mind is telling me to get the hell out of it but my heart says another story.. I just can't figure out why it is she keeps coming around.. is it because she still loves me? Is it because she has no one else to listen to her and nobody else who she knows cares about her like I do? Help! Lol

It's much simpler than that. You've become her shoulder to cry on. The more you are that guy, the more she will use you. If she loved you, she wouldn't be with another guy. The fact that she's with another guy means that she already let you go. You have to accept the fact that she's moved on with her life. The reason she's still looking for you is because you're being a great friend.

I suggest that you stop talking to her so that you don't get confused by her actions anymore. Until you have completely recovered from the breakup, it's not a good idea for you to keep talking to her because you will continue to have false hope and continue to over-analyze all her actions and signs, which is extremely unhealthy for you because you won't be able to move on with your life.

The reason she keeps coming round is because she's using you - you're a soft touch.

She using you emotionally and financially and the reason you can't let go is because you're getting off on being needed. But it's empty because you will never get what you really need.

The person who needs to grow up is actually you - you're living, as I Wish so wisely says, on false hope and accepting the crumbs of attention she gives you.

You know exactly what is happening:

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I feel in a sense like I'm being walked all over.. she knows I have a big heart she knows I'm not seeing anybody right now so I'm sure she finds it easy to weasel her way in and out of my life.

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But you want more. Well, you ain't going to get more from her. She's got her cake and is eating it as well, and you're only getting the crumbs.

It will be hard but you need to put some boundaries in place. No more lending money, no more listening to her sob stories, no more having her drop round as she pleases.

You must have other friends and family and other interests. Start getting a life with them and put your Ex firmly where she belongs - in the past.

The answer to your question is she's using you. She comes around to whine about her problems and to use you, that's it. She doesn't want a relationship with you she just wants to use you. You have to be strong and move on. I think that your issue with her coming around all the time and making hard for you to let go of her calls for NO CONTACT.