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-   -   Did I really abuse our online friendship? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=380138)

  • Jul 26, 2009, 04:42 PM
    lost memories
    Did I really abuse our online friendship?
    I belong to different culture and language from the man I became his online friend. We met by chance. We had conversation.Then we became friends. I'm woman and married. First, he used to answer all my emails. Then, he began to email me abot twice a week. I suffered a lot, especilally he meant a lot to me. He always gives excuses which I never believe. Then , after he got a job,he spent weeks without emailing me. When I asked him if he want to end this friendship , he said no and he loves me. He also told me that we're more than friends . We're soul mates, But later, he disappeared for weeks. I missed him a lot and talked to him on skype, he told me that he's so busy working and his friend died. He always gives excuses to his absence. After days I wrote to him that I'm not his friend anymore. I can't just wait like this. He answered that I treated him as possession and that I abused our friendship and he's tired od my emotional judgement and anger. He also blocked me and told me he will not contact me again , but will stay a friend. I feel hurt . Abig why I have! Why didn't he tell me that he doesn't want my friendship though I felt so and asked him if he want me to go? Is it okay for online friends to stay weeks without emailing each other? If he lost interest in me why didn't he let me go? Did I really trat him as possession?
  • Jul 26, 2009, 05:12 PM
    N0help4u

    Maybe he does want to be friends via the computer and is leading you on more than he should. You are married, concern yourself more with your real life. It is obvious that your internet friend is putting his priorities into his real life.
    Accept talking to him when he is available or quit talking to him if it is getting you that emotionally upset.

    It seems to be somewhat common for people to get obsessed with people over the internet because you see their good qualities and then you fill in your imagination what you don't know about them.
  • Jul 26, 2009, 05:17 PM
    Torrid13

    I think you're really taking this to heart when you shouldn't.

    In my opinion, I think you should have avoided him when he started talking about how much he loves you and you guys are soul mates. Initiating in such conversation with complete strangers on the internet doesn't seem right to me when you're married. It's hard for me to tell if this was really just a "friendship" or if you were having an affair and don't want to look guilty about it.

    In any case, leave him alone, and don't be upset about it. You have a real life, he has a real life, and you both have to live.
  • Jul 26, 2009, 07:38 PM
    lost memories
    [QUOTE=Torrid13;1882626]I think you're really taking this to heart when you shouldn't.

    In my opinion, I think you should have avoided him when he started talking about how much he loves you and you guys are soul mates. Initiating in such conversation with complete strangers on the internet doesn't seem right to me when you're married. It's hard for me to tell if this was really just a "friendship" or if you were having an affair and don't want to look guilty about it.

    In any case, leave him alone, and don't be upset about it. You have a real life, he has a real life, and you both have to live.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I think I'm to be blamed not him. I was confused about our friendship . He was realistic and clear and loved me as a friend. And you're right I have to leave him alone.
  • Jul 26, 2009, 08:23 PM
    lost memories

    Thank you both for your answers. Your help is a real support . I appreciate.
  • Jul 26, 2009, 08:27 PM
    Torrid13

    As long as you leave him alone and forget him, you'll be fine. No worries.
  • Jul 27, 2009, 02:07 AM
    Gemini54
    I think that if you're feeling lonely and there is a gap in your life, it's easy to be attracted to someone on-line (that doesn't know you) and who tells you how wonderful you are.

    Sounds like you fell into this trap and then expected more of this man than he was able or willing to give.

    It's hard to be disappointed in this way, but it's also a sign that you should be putting the same level of effort into your marriage. At least your husband is a real man with real needs and real expectations.

    Chalk it up to experience and give you husband some attention and love. You'll feel much better and hopefully, your efforts will be rewarded.
  • Jul 27, 2009, 04:15 AM
    N0help4u

    Also find a good site that really fits things you like in place of the chat places for lonely men looking for women and vs aversa.

    Like if you are a mom look for sites about moms, or if you have hobbies and interests there are forums with people that share those interests. Even being here on this site may help you from lonliness.
  • Jul 27, 2009, 04:24 PM
    lost memories
    =Gemini54;1883344]I think that if you're feeling lonely and there is a gap in your life, it's easy to be attracted to someone on-line (that doesn't know you) and who tells you how wonderful you are.

    Sounds like you fell into this trap and then expected more of this man than he was able or willing to give.

    It's hard to be disappointed in this way, but it's also a sign that you should be putting the same level of effort into your marriage. At least your husband is a real man with real needs and real expectations.

    Chalk it up to experience and give you husband some attention and love. You'll feel much better and hopefully, your efforts will be rewarded.
    ================================================== ======
    It couldn't be said better. Thanks a lot. I 'll really take your advice to heart.
  • Jul 27, 2009, 04:31 PM
    lost memories
    =N0help4u;1882619]Maybe he does want to be friends via the computer and is leading you on more than he should. You are married, concern yourself more with your real life. It is obvious that your internet friend is putting his priorities into his real life.
    Accept talking to him when he is available or quit talking to him if it is getting you that emotionally upset.

    It seems to be somewhat common for people to get obsessed with people over the internet because you see their good qualities and then you fill in your imagination what you don't know about them.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I really was obsessed. Thanks for your advice

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