Okay, I am 18 years old and the reason I bring up this topic is because you don't hear people talking about it very much, and its always been something that has bothered me very much. I used to wake up almost every night when I was 10-12 years old to my parents having sex; the walls would shake I could hear their moaning through the paper thin walls. I used to cry myself to sleep because I was so disturbed. To this day I believe I have OCD about hearing people have sex, its one of my deepest fears and if I even sleep in the same house with spouses or couples, I can't stop thinking I might hear someone having sex. I came across a post the other day about parent's opinion on their kids hearing them while they have sex, and a lot of them responded "Oh we don't care." Well I am telling you all this story if you claim "to not care" that your kids hear you having sex. It has psychologically made me fear sex because my first knowledge of sex was hearing my parents having sex. I am not saying that every child will end up like me, but its possible. Please parents maybe be a little more considerate of your kids, most of them know what your doing, and even if they don't express it, 99% of the time they are traumatized and think about it a lot the next day. I am just defending kids, because to you it might be just making love with someone you love I understand, but please understand what it can do to your children if they hear it. What are your opinions on this? Has anyone else been as traumatized as me because of this? And parents who don't think it's a big deal why?

Feel free to express your opinions on the anything to do with the matter of kids hearing parents having sex, I am merely sharing my negative experience with the issue to encourage some ideas on it.

If you are not going to counseling/therapy it might be a good start to help you overcome this.
I am not exactly sure how it fits in as OCD
It is definitely a phobia though.

I agree parents should not have an I don't care attitude.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

If you are not going to counseling/therapy it might be a good start to help you overcome this.
I am not exactly sure how it fits in as OCD
it is definitely a phobia though.

I agree parents should not have an I don't care attitude.

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Well maybe not as extreme as OCD, but I do often obsess about it. I have never heard of a phobia like this one before.

Yeah I am not sure I think most things are more of a OCD/phobia combination.

It's not "OCD". But, it might be a phobia. Do you go to any kind of therapy? Talking will help.

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Originally Posted by white-rose

most of them know what your doing, and even if they don't express it, 99% of the time they are traumatized and think about it alot the next day. I am just defending kids, because to you it might be just making love with someone you love I understand, but please understand what it can do to your children if they hear it. What are your opinions on this?

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Hello white:

I don't doubt SOME kids are traumatized like you are, but MOST aren't. Parents have been making love around their children since we lived in caves. In fact, on another thread very similar to this one, a kid is concerned that he's TURNED ON by hearing his parents have sex...

I think THAT'S the norm, and you're not. Get some counseling. Sex is GREAAAAAT!

excon

Sex is a natural and wonderful thing that parents do. So the kids here it, why does that bother anyone, it is natural. And the idea of not expressing yourself, just laying there till it is done sort of of scares me more than being noisy so others may hear you.

I believe most kids hear it and care less, even know that means mom and dad are still in love with each other.

I believe this is a very minor issue for a very few people. If you still have issues as a adult over this, get counseling.

A healthy relationship includes sex, even after you have kids.

I have to agree with Excon and Chuck, it's natural, the phobia you're experiencing is not the norm, you need professional help.

I have a very open relationship with my kids. I kiss my husband in front of the, hug him, and even though the door is closed when we're having sex, I'm sure the kids hear us, I'm not exactly a quiet person.

They know they can come to me with any questions or concerns. They know that sex between a man and woman is natural and a way of showing love to one another.

Really, therapy is the key for your phobia because really, it's not normal for you to feel this way.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Sex is a natural and wonderful thing that parents do. So the kids here it, why does that bother anyone, it is natural. And the idea of not expressing yourself, just laying there till it is done sorta of scares me more than being noisy so others may hear you.

I beleive most kids hear it and care less, even know that means mom and dad are still in love with each other.

I beleive this is a very minor issue for a very few people. If you still have issues as a adult over this, get couseling.

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I never said sex was a bad thing. I said hearing my parents having sex was a very negative experience for me, and I believe it is for any child. Why does it bother anyone? Because as a child its disturbing to hear your parents moaning and thrusting and hearing something so private. I have tried banging on walls etc to try and stop them, which I'm sorry I didn't mention.

I'm not quite sure what the relationship is between hearing your parents having sex and now being phobic about it. But granted, the mind can do strange things. It may have been that as a prepubescent female you were distressed by the moaning and this has remained with you.

Perhaps one of the things to think about is that your parents were enjoying themselves. They did not do this to distress or demean you, they did it because it is a healthy and natural part of a loving relationship. Imagine how much worse you would feel if you'd heard your father beating your mother or raping her?

I don't agree that 99% of children are traumatized by hearing their parents being sexual - they may be interested or embarrassed but to be traumatized is, I would suggest, rare.

Please get some counseling - I really believe that you will benefit from speaking to another person about this phobia of yours.

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello white:

I don't doubt SOME kids are traumatized like you are, but MOST aren't. Parents have been making love around their children since we lived in caves. In fact, on another thread very similar to this one, a kid is concerned that he's TURNED ON by hearing his parents have sex...

I think THAT'S the norm, and you're not. Get some counseling. Sex is GREAAAAAT!

excon

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Excon thank you for taking the time to reply. I don't think I'm normal at all, I understand I have a very serious issue. Excuse my use of the word "traumatized" for most kids, I think disturbed or disgusted may have been a little better I don't know. I just know that no child can benefit from hearing their parents have sex, and I don't believe any child is comfortable having to hear it. I never said sex isn't great did I say that? I am completely okay with sex or my parents having sex, but I don't want to hear others having sex. Why am I one of the few people on this website who is directly shunned from good advice and told to get counseling? I didn't think my problem was that serious... Ive seen worse.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

A healthy relationship includes sex, even after you have kids.

I have to agree with excon and Chuck, it's natural, the phobia you're experiencing is not the norm, you need professional help.

I have a very open relationship with my kids. I kiss my husband in front of the, hug him, and even though the door is closed when we're having sex, I'm sure the kids hear us, I'm not exactly a quiet person.

They know they can come to me with any questions or concerns. They know that sex between a man and woman is natural and a way of showing love to one another.

Really, therapy is the key for your phobia because really, it's not normal for you to feel this way.

Good luck.

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No I have no problem with sex or love, I didn't say that. I am in a very loving relationship I know what kissing and hugging and expressing physical love is, and its importance. I understand sex is love, and I'm sure your kids do, but I honestly don't believe hearing your parents have sex is something that affects a child's sexuality positively.

I have no idea whether hearing my parents have sex influenced MY sex life---but it sure influenced my MARRIAGE.

It is a healthy part of marriage to have sex. People have been doing it for CENTURIES--and for most of those centuries, they were doing it in the same room that their kids were in because that's what they had---a one-room shelter.

I also don't think that you are being shunned from good advice and told to get counseling. I think that most of the people responding to you completely disagree on your views of sex and marriage, and whether kids overhear their parents expressing a good aspect of both is distressing. Sure, it was embarrassing to hear my parents have sex--but it was also nice that my parents DID have sex, because that meant they still loved each other.

The reason counseling is suggested is because a professional counselor can help you work through any lingering issues you may have with what distressed you about your parents having sex. I suggest counseling to people all of the time. I think it's a highly underrated form of help, and that most people in their lifetimes would benefit from seeing one.

I can understand what you are saying.
My old boyfriend said that when he was 12 his mom ran from the shower to her bedroom with nothing on not knowing he was around.
It had pretty much the same impact on him.

We thought you took it harder than what you originally said though because we thought you meant like that it made you freaked out enough that you may not even want a relationship. Couldn't tell what degree it bothered you. I did think you were saying you have a fear of ever experiencing that again though,
A counselor may be helpful even if you don't think the problem is that serious like Synnen said

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Originally Posted by white-rose

Why am I one of the few people on this website who is directly shunned from good advice and told to get counseling? I didn't think my problem was that serious... Ive seen worse.

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I don't think you've been shunned at all from good advice. I think counseling is good advice for you. A lot of times we don't tell people what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

I have no idea whether or not hearing my parents have sex influenced MY sex life---but it sure influenced my MARRIAGE.

It is a healthy part of marriage to have sex. People have been doing it for CENTURIES--and for most of those centuries, they were doing it in the same room that their kids were in because that's what they had---a one-room shelter.

I also don't think that you are being shunned from good advice and told to get counseling. I think that most of the people responding to you completely disagree on your views of sex and marriage, and whether or not kids overhear their parents expressing a good aspect of both is distressing. Sure, it was embarrassing to hear my parents have sex--but it was also nice that my parents DID have sex, because that meant they still loved each other.

The reason counseling is suggested is because a professional counselor can help you work through any lingering issues you may have with what distressed you about your parents having sex. I suggest counseling to people all of the time. I think it's a highly underrated form of help, and that most people in their lifetimes would benefit from seeing one.

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Thank you for your help. But again, nobody is understanding me, its very frustrating. I never said I had anything against my parents having sex. I am not someone who was sheltered for the entirety of my life, I am well aware that sex is essential for a marriage, which everyone keeps stating I argued against this... I did not. Its children having to hear their parents having sex that I disagree with. You are a sexuality expert, can you honestly tell me a child's sexuality is affected in a positive way when they experience hearing their parents have sex? I understand when your parents have sex that its because they love one another, but can a young child understand that? If a child is not very educated about sex, do you think it's a positive experience if they can hear something as private as their parents having sex? I know I, maybe not other children felt confused and disgusting myself, like I was somehow involved in this sexual experience because I was forced to listen to it, and it was something private that should have stayed between my parents and I shouldn't have been a part of. I'm sorry but I feel as if nobody is understanding me, so you think it is all right for parents to have sex so loudly that children can hear it. And do you think children always are passive about it and it doesn't affect them in any way over the years? I believe children aren't so passive about this, unlike everyone here, who somehow think children are affected positively by hearing their parents have sex. I feel like I cannot agree with this point of view what so ever.

I agree with you I think if I went through that it would leave a lasting effect on me. Thing is what do you think you need to do about it now to get over it? Or do you think it is just something that is going to affect you the rest of your life? I am not sure what answers you are looking for other than knowing others have went through this to and see it the same as you.

How did you know they were having sex at such a young age... as you said you were not very educated about sex. You heard them... you did not see them. I just don't understand how it could have traumatized (sp?) you that mutch.

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Originally Posted by white-rose

Thank you for your help. But again, nobody is understanding me, its very frustrating. I never said I had anything against my parents having sex. I am not someone who was sheltered for the entirety of my life, I am well aware that sex is essential for a marriage, which everyone keeps stating I argued against this... I did not. Its children having to hear their parents having sex that I disagree with. You are a sexuality expert, can you honestly tell me a child's sexuality is affected in a positive way when they experience hearing their parents have sex? I understand when your parents have sex that its because they love one another, but can a young child understand that? If a child is not very educated about sex, do you think its a positive experience if they can hear something as private as their parents having sex? I know I, maybe not other children felt confused and disgusting myself, like I was somehow involved in this sexual experience because I was forced to listen to it, and it was something private that should have stayed between my parents and I shouldn't have been a part of. I'm sorry but I feel as if nobody is understanding me, so you think it is alright for parents to have sex so loudly that children can hear it. And do you think children always are passive about it and it doesn't affect them in any way over the years? I beleive children aren't so passive about this, unlike everyone here, who somehow think children are affected positively by hearing their parents have sex. I feel like I cannot agree with this point of view what so ever.

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You can't agree with it because it hasn't been your experience and you're very intent on believing that your experience must be everyone's experience. Well it's not.

Your parents had sex very loudly and you hated it. That's fair enough. That's your experience.

I think that we all hear you're distressed, disturbed and traumatized by your experience. Well, now do something about it.

Go and speak with someone that can help you understand your distress and trauma and deal with it. You don't have to carry this with you for the rest of your life.

You had no choice about hearing your parents having sex, you do have a choice about how you will deal with the distress that you feel.

You I agree with you.I wouldn't like it if I hear my parents having sex. It would mentally affect me. But I think it depends on each ones liking.