Have been married for 35 yrs - all we have shared is two children who ar both 30 + and married.

In the last ten years I have heard no compliments, kind word or had happy conversation. On one hand she nags me & criticizes me to death to watch my diet, but makes my life absolute hell. I am sure she too feels the same way.

I have always been a dreamer, I love life, I love conversation, Love people and enjoy little things of life. She is a lady of very few words, having common conversations is waste of time, to her money is everything, worrying about tomorrow and letting today slip away.

I am an artist and she is an economist - a bad combination. I always knew that we were miles apart but never knew that it would get so so bad. Each day is worst than the previous day. I am constantly being barraged with criticism and never a compliment.

I do not smoke, drink, run around pubs and friends, do a lot of stuff around house, am always willing to help her, make life easier for her. She gets into arguments if I do not agree with her ideas or her opinions. We cannot discuss. All discussions end up personal and takes no longer than ten seconds to end up blaming me for anything and everything under the sky. When friends and relations are around it is all pretense. Close relations and friends have witnessedher irrational behavior with me and on few occasions tried to simmer her down.

I have felt like walking away from all that is around me to somewhere where no one knows me & I know anyone. Why I have not done so I do not know - may be cowardice, may be lack of courage... I am 63 and still very active, strong and able. My ability to use my energies into things that interest me have been my survival tool. She has said more than once that I should clear out of the house. It is not the house I am interested in. I just do not want to hurt my kids. I have two great grandson who love me to no end and run to me want no omne else once the see me. But right now I just want to pack it in..

What do yo think... I am not perfect.. but I am not bad.. & I mean no ill at all.

I can't even begin to help you, but there are several people on this board that should be able to give you guidance. I wish I could say something in the meantime, but I don't have enough experience. Hang in there, this is a good place to work things out.

It seems you are genuinely unhappy and it is very hard to leave after 35 years of marriage. Your children are 30+ age so whatever decision you would take they will not be that affected, and they will probably be happy that you took their well being into consideration. I would suggest you leave her but it is going to be very hard as 35 years is a long time but it may be for the best. You have to take care of your own life right now and be happy, it is your own decision to stay or go. Personally I would go.

If you, and your wife, have not developed a better working relationship after all this time, then staying for the kids is foolish. That's no excuse and has nothing to do with your marriage. The attitude for each other does. If it can't be resolved take a vacation from each other, and see what happens.

That's better than continuing to get on each others nerves, and not resolving your issues through honest communications and a willingness to work together. You don't seem to have none of that going on at this time.

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Originally Posted by nitinpatel

But right now I just want to pack it in..

what do yo think.... I am not perfect .. but I am not bad..& I mean no ill at all.

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Hello n:

I'd stay. You say the reason you didn't leave before now is cowardice... But, I don't believe it... If you were chicken when you were young, and had NO REASON to be chicken, then you should be chicken NOW, when there IS a good reason for it.

excon

Sounds like your wife is a b _ _ ch, pure and simple ; sorry to be so blunt. But before packing it in, I'd sit her down and have a long talk with her. You may need to organize your thoughts beforehand,maybe even make a bit of a list or outline. But you firmly tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. Focus on specifics ; her constant disparaging remarks, her arguing with you over ideas and opinions which have absolutely nothing to do with your marriage and whatever else she's been doing to you. Don't argue with her, just keep a matter-of-fact demeanor about you. It sounds like she's a bit of a child and that's how she needs to be treated. Do warn her (note that I didn't say 'threaten') that if she doesn't correct her behavior then you will be hitting the high road. And do keep an open mind to any legitimate "counter complaints" she may register about you and be willing to work on improving yourself as well. My guess is that one of two things will happen ; she'll either turn over a new leaf or she'll become all the more angry and resentful. And if it's the latter, that'll be your cue to haul it in.

She sounds like she is miserable with herself and takes it out on you.
She should be counting her blessings.

At 63 you should be enjoying the fruits of your labor and appreciating the small things as you described. Being miserable is at this point in your life isn't really worth it. You have been fair to her, now be fair to yourself.