[F]

Hello. I have 3 children (5,3,1) with the man I have been living with. We are unmarried. There is a history of abusive behavior on his part. In November, I called the police after he got drunk and threatened me in front of our kids. He was arrested for criminal threat. I stupidly had the domestic violence restraining order modified to give him another chance. I really want to leave here with our kids, because it is getting bad again.

I was wanting to possibly move to my home state of Indiana, where all of my family resides. I'm getting fearful of leaving my children while I work, and I'm afraid I will have to leave my job. I do not want to deny my children their father.

Then again, I don't want to remain in a volatile environment any longer. The father signed the declaration of paternity, and is listed on the birth certificate, but we have never been to court for custody/paternity/support, etc. He has been staying home for the past few years (he is refusing to work), so I've worked to support us. However, most of the parenting has been left to me, such as appointments, bathing, outings, and the like.
I apologize for the length of this post.

I am looking for any information you members could give me about how I should proceed, what are the odds I would be allowed to move, etc.

Thank you for your time.

If he wants visitation/custody, the chances of you being allowed to move *with the children* are almost nil.

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Originally Posted by kin531

[F]

Hello. I have 3 children (5,3,1) with the man I have been living with. We are unmarried. There is a history of abusive behavior on his part. In November, I called the police after he got drunk and threatened me in front of our kids. He was arrested for criminal threat. I stupidly had the domestic violence restraining order modified to give him another chance. I really want to leave here with our kids, because it is getting bad again.

I was wanting to possibly move to my home state of Indiana, where all of my family resides. I'm getting fearful of leaving my children while I work, and I'm afraid I will have to leave my job. I do not want to deny my children their father.

Then again, I don't want to remain in a volatile environment any longer. The father signed the declaration of paternity, and is listed on the birth certificate, but we have never been to court for custody/paternity/support, etc. He has been staying home for the past few years (he is refusing to work), so I've worked to support us. However, most of the parenting has been left to me, such as appointments, bathing, outings, and the like.
I apologize for the length of this post.

I am looking for any information you members could give me about how I should proceed, what are the odds I would be allowed to move, etc.

Thank you for your time.

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Probably the safest way to handle this situation (as opposed to simply packing up and moving now) is to file a paternity action and include with it an OSC to allow your move, and have the matter set for hearing. Over objection the move away request will take some time to work through the court system but you may have a chance at it. Most contested move-aways are subject to a formal custody evaluation (there are two basic kinds) and the outcome is usually determinative. In other words, the judge usually follows the evaluator's recommendation.

You have a presumption that the dad should not have either sole or joint legal or physical custody because of the domestic violence history (I'm assuming he was convicted of some DV-like offense) so that helps. But, in terns of predicting the outcome, that extremely difficult at this stage. It's too complicated and too many factors come into play in the ultimate decision. If I had to make a guess, however, I'd say you probably will prevail in the long run. But it will be costly and time-consuming. I don't share stevetcg's rather bleak prediction that your chances are nil. It's not that bad.