I live in Tennessee. After recognizing that our marriage was not working 5 years ago, my wife at the time decided to move back to New York with my two sons to live with her family. She was granted primary custody and I bring the boys to Tennessee twice a
Year for vacations.
The question is this. Due to the economic downturn I am now making substantially
Less than I was 5 years ago. Additionally, my ex-wife's income is about four times
What mine is. It seems that every time that I check my mail there is a new demand
From her for back monies owed for medical insurance, child care, etc. I have become
virtually near penniless. She wants me to turn over total custody and promises that
I will never hear from her again. I told her that I will never give up my sons.
I want to hire an attorney again as I did three years ago to help adjust the payments
Due to changed financial circumstances, but I really can't afford to. I know that I
Am paying a percentage of my salary that is not realistic for me to survive economically.
Any suggestions?
Thanks.

Take it back to court to get it modified
You may be eligible for a public defender.
If not you might just have to represent yourself but go back to get it modified.
Don't give up your kids. She can not demand that you do. You might want to mention that to the Judge.
Child support and visitation/custody are two different things. A person can agree to not have visitations but that would not mean they do not have to pay support. IF you did go that route you would have to make sure it was in writing. BUT don't do it. There is no reason for you to give up your sons like that even if you can't afford to pay her another single dime.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Take it back to court to get it modified
you may be eligible for a public defender.
if not you might just have to represent your self but go back to get it modified.
Don't give up your kids. She can not demand that you do. You might want to mention that to the Judge.
Child support and visitation/custody are two different things. A person can agree to not have visitations but that would not mean they do not have to pay support. IF you did go that route you would have to make sure it was in writing. BUT don't do it. There is no reason for you to give up your sons like that even if you can't afford to pay her another single dime.

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Thanks for your answer. My only problem with that is getting back and forth to New York to attend court. It's sometimes postponed, etc. If I take any more time off from work I won't be able to pay my rent. When I had it modified three years ago I had to make 3 trips back and forth from Tennessee to New York. Every time it costs me about $500 with travel and lodging. Do you know if there is any way to appeal by mail?

Since she claims she is not interested in the money if you terminate your rights I would guess that she is just pulling this little stunt to make things way more complicated for you.

Could you even consider relocating and getting a job in N.Y.
If you could that would really put a shock in her system.

Yes, you are absolutely right. I know that she is absolutely trying to wear me down.
She has a large family of brothers and sisters, two of which are attornies whom I
Assume are guiding her through every legal step.

I am from New York. Born and raised on Long Island. I moved to Tennessee 10 years
Ago due to health issues (high blood pressure, etc.) and am at risk for major cardiac
Problems. The pace of life in New York doesn't work well for me.

My ex moved to Tennessee from Long Island to be with me and start our family. Little did
I know at the time that she never gave up her job as a teacher, just took a sabbatical
And maternity leave. She gave me an ultimatum when her leave time ran out and I
Had no choice but to make the decision to stay based on my health situation. Not that
I wanted to be with her any longer. I felt pretty manipulated.

Post on the alternative meds board here and I will help you with the high blood pressure issue.

Okay, I just posted on the medical boards.

Thanks.

What court did this all take place in and what kind of timeline was there to everything ? Also are you paying support directly to her or are you paying to a state agency ? If you are paying to an agency then you may be able to apply to them for a reduction and it will get handled from there and pass through the court systems. You need to stay on top of the entire process and also you may be able to appear by " telephonic means ". What that means to you is your allowed to appear in spirit as in over the phone without having to travel or see your ex in a courtroom. This type of thing is pretty straight forward and is not complicated at all.

Thanks for your response. I appreciate the help and information.

I was sending her a weekly check for child saupport (I get paid on a weekly basis) but just last month she apparently didn't like the idea of the weekly payments so she had my salary garnished. Now, a huge chunk is taken out of my pay all at once so I would guess the state is involved.

I will get their telephone number and give your suggestion a try.

Please feel free to add any more suggestions at any time!

Thanks, again.