Ask Me Help Desk - I'm confused

Hi everyone,

I got quite a dilema on my hands and I hope I can get some feedback on this. (sorry for the long post ahead of time) I grew up alone starting at the age of 12 after I got back to the US from Taiwan and pretty much raised myself all the way up to where I'm in Grad school now. I was an only child and mostly a loner. Im definitely an extrovert cause I'm the life of the party when I go out and everyone has fun when they are with me. I was fat in high school but when I got into Texas A&M I worked myself into a lean martial arts expert.

I never really had a serious relationship throughout high school and undergrad cause I guess I had a serious confidence issue. I don't have trouble meeting women now but something is definitely up. I don't think I'm a needy guy cause I'm not like "OMG she hasnt called me in 2 days its all over!!!!!!1!1!'" I don't call them all the time and I definitely don't behave like a player. I just treat the women around me with a lot of thought, consideration, and the ways my Grandpa raised me to be. He was from the old guard in China that believed that women should be respected and treated right. I also behave the way I do because I saw how my single mother struggled so hard to raise me. So much so that she was never home. That is why I always behave in the way I believe a gentleman should be. Its not like im oozing honey like a milktoast but thats for you guys to tell me. My gay and guy friends say that I'm a nice guy and they don't really get why I still haven't found a girlfriend yet. My girlfriends are wondering why the hell someone smart, attractive, on the right track, no kids, doesn't do drugs, and funny guy still doing single at my age. Regardless, its never bothered me that I didn't have a serious relationship type girlfriend until now.

I guess its just that my tolerance for loneliness has finally broken down (took 15 years) but its starting to affect my ability to focus. Im starting to get these hollow feelings right in my gut sometimes when I'm alone and I don't know why?? I met a girl in my MBA program who is definitely interested in me but she has her own issues in that she recently broke off a very long term relationship. We talk, hangout, do dinners, and go see movies together. Im really excited about her and I've never been excited about anyone before. She seems standoffish at times and then othertimes totally excited to talk/be with me. I bring her things from time to time such as snacks I brought back from Europe or Asia and DVDs I burn. I make sure that I'm a good listener and remember everything she tells me for future ref. I am honestly interested in who she is as a person, her interests, and just everything about her. Of course she is sexy but its not just the physical things that attract me. She is very intelligent and that is a big turn on for me. I just want to know how I should proceed with this cause Im really getting a lot of mixed signals from her. I read her body language and sometimes she wants to get close to me but then she suddenly shys back. I read her tone and sometimes she is totally excited about being with me then othertimes she's distant. I hate this feeling of confusion and emptiness that has suddenly taken hold of me and I just don't know how to cope with it. :confused: :confused: :confused:

If you have an interest, then keep going out and keep it on the fun level until she is comfortable to bring you closer. Just don't get carried away this early in the relationship, and keep your life balanced between her, school, work and other friends. Too much too soon usually leads to the crash and burn. Go slow have fun. She may have a life and her hot and cold signals may be because she is as confused as you are. Go slow and find out, that's what dating is about.

You need to remember that she is coming out of a long term relationship yet.
Do you know what caused it to end.

I would say keep her as friend for a little while longer and one of these times you want to take her a snack. Bring her a flower instead.
Just one keep it suttle.

If she is just coming out of a long term relationship, naturally, she will try to exercise her freedom is very small, but noticeable ways. She may pull away because she doesn't want to seem clingy, or she may want you to pursue her when she does.

I suggest taking it slow, all good things take time and you being there for her right now is a strong reassurance that she still does have something to offer someone in a relationship. Good luck, and keep us posted!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiggatron

Hi everyone,

I got quite a dilema on my hands and i hope i can get some feedback on this. (sorry for the long post ahead of time) I grew up alone starting at the age of 12 after i got back to the US from Taiwan and pretty much raised myself all the way up to where im in Grad school now. I was an only child and mostly a loner. Im definetly an extrovert cause im the life of the party when i go out and everyone has fun when they are with me. I was fat in highschool but when i got into Texas A&M i worked myself into a lean martial arts expert.

I never really had a serious relationship throughout highschool and undergrad cause i guess i had a serious confidence issue. I dont have trouble meeting women now but something is definetly up. I dont think im a needy guy cause im not like "OMG she hasnt called me in 2 days its all over!!!!!!1!1!'" I dont call them all the time and I definetly dont behave like a player. I just treat the women around me with alot of thought, consideration, and the ways my Grandpa raised me to be. He was from the old guard in China that believed that women should be respected and treated right. I also behave the way I do because I saw how my single mother struggled so hard to raise me. So much so that she was never home. That is why I always behave in the way I believe a gentleman should be. Its not like im oozing honey like a milktoast but thats for you guys to tell me. My gay and guy friends say that im a nice guy and they dont really get why i still havent found a girlfriend yet. My girlfriends are wondering why the hell someone smart, attractive, on the right track, no kids, doesnt do drugs, and funny guy still doin single at my age. Regardless, its never bothered me that I didnt have a serious relationship type girlfriend until now.

I guess its just that my tolerance for loneliness has finally broken down (took 15 years) but its starting to affect my ability to focus. Im starting to get these hollow feelings right in my gut sometimes when im alone and i dont know why???? I met a girl in my MBA program who is definetly interested in me but she has her own issues in that she recently broke off a very long term relationship. We talk, hangout, do dinners, and go see movies together. Im really excited about her and I've never been excited about anyone before. She seems standoffish at times and then othertimes totally excited to talk/be with me. I bring her things from time to time such as snacks i brought back from Europe or Asia and DVDs i burn. I make sure that im a good listener and remember everything she tells me for future ref. I am honestly interested in who she is as a person, her interests, and just everything about her. Of course she is sexy but its not just the physical things that attract me. She is very intelligent and that is a big turn on for me. I just want to know how I should proceed with this cause Im really getting alot of mixed signals from her. I read her body language and sometimes she wants to get close to me but then she suddenly shys back. I read her tone and sometimes she is totally excited about being with me then othertimes shes distant. I hate this feeling of confusion and emptiness that has suddenly taken hold of me and I just dont know how to cope with it. :confused: :confused: :confused:

I know how it is