HI, I am 18 years old and have a 3 Month old baby. I am living with the father of my baby. I have a Q: is it normal for a father to only hold his baby for 5 minutes and that is all? I am jealous of my Boyfriend because when he is done holding her he gives me the baby and leaves to go out side to have a smoke and then do what ever he would like to do. And just lets me take care of her. How can I get him to help out more so I am not that stressed out. I know that he goes to work and comes home tired and everything, but I don't think it is fair for me to take care of her all by myself she is his too. Please what do you think I should do? Thank you so much for reading.

You communicate with him, express your concerns. Last time I checked the health board, it takes two people to make a baby, so you weren't alone in making the baby, you shouldn't be alone in taking care of it either.

You talk to him, set up a schedule with him of times for him to watch the child while you cook or clean house, or go out shopping.

Maybe you'll have to wait a few more months until she is portable and more fun, when she will sit on the floor and build a tower of blocks, when she begins to "talk" and do more than just lie there looking cute.

Have some specific "jobs" in mind for him: sitting with the baby (with her in her carrier even) and watching TV while you wash dishes or do the laundry, or putting her in her swing with daddy nearby while you make dinner. Start slow and keep it easy for him. My husband finally started interacting with our sons after they hit 30, so good luck!

I have read through your previous posts and you sound young, and inexperienced. You wanted a baby and are with your BF against the wishes of your family, so I imagine that you're feeling quite alone and isolated.

Guys sometimes take longer to adjust to a baby in the home and they can feel that the baby is a threat to their relationship with their partner. Your focus is probably on the baby a lot at the moment - try and remember that your BF needs some attention as well.

Ask him to help you when you're bathing or feeding the baby - so that he can begin to form a connection with his child, ask him to hold the baby after she's been fed and she's warm and sleepy.

If she's not being breast fed perhaps he can give her the bottle or hold her when she's clean and about to go to sleep.

It can be normal, especially right at first. Many men are afriad they will hurt the baby, and assume the baby is fragil and breakable (which the baby is, but not to the extent he thinks)

I would suggest quality time with all 3 of you together. Where you all sit on the couch, and you hold baby together, rather than just one or the other. Let him lay down on the bed and lay baby next to him.

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By Starbuck8, July, 08
Reality check! Daddy comes home... if he even does! Daddy has a shower, and goes out with his boyz! Baby is screaming, and has a fever! Daddy won't answer his cell phone because he is at the club! Mommy has no milk or food for Baby. Mommy has no money to buy diapers. Mommy has no car, because Daddy took it to the club to pick up Bambi, Mommy has no health insurance to take baby to Dr. Daddy comes home drunk, and passes out. Mommy is still listening to Baby scream. Daddy gets annoyed and tells Mommy to shut Baby up, because he has a headache.

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Dreams of lies disagrees: piss off

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I read your previous post, and since you have what you wanted, You should be overjoyed with taking care of a home and your two babies (yes the tall one is still a baby). What else do you have to do while your at home. I know you talked about having him be helpful, once your child was born, since you seem to have planned everything else so well for a young teen ager. Welcome to reality.

Be patient, and talk to your man, as you have to work together to raise a child, pretty much the same way that you made them. Yeah its more fun and a lot more romantic to make 'em, than raise 'em, but have fun, your guy will come around eventually, if he is a great a dad as he was a lover.

I got my fingers crossed for you, as the real fun, has just begun. Bet you can't wait for the next one. Don't mean to be cruel (blunt, and honest, yes, cruel NO!) but you asked for this.

Good Luck!

It is very common for young men to have trouble being fathers. Your boyfriend is not yet mature enough to understand and feel good about the realities of fathering: the responsibilities, the sacrifices, the non-stop dedication that will last for the rest of his life— because they conflict with his idea of who he is. Very few young guys are prepared for these realities.

Some freedom is gone: he can't "do whatever he would like to do." But he doesn't want to know that. It will take him years to come to the emotional readiness to parent that you, as a mom, already have in you. You can't make this happen in him, but you can influence the process. And you can accelerate it.

He sees himself as the breadwinner, and he is. But his idea of the breadwinner role is that making money is enough. When he matures, he will see that making money is a part of his role, an important part, but not all of it. When he comes home tired from work, and wants to chill out with a smoke and a beer, he feels like he has done enough, and somebody should take care of things. He doesn't think about it deeply enough, but the only available "somebody" is you. And you have been working all day too, and you want to share some family time, get some rest, and enjoy his bond with the baby.

This will all change. As the baby develops more personality, learns how to communicate, grows physically and mentally, he will be more drawn to his child. If your relationship is healthy, and he is growing as a person, he will develop more ability to give to this child in selfless ways and to be with this child person-to-person.

Biggest Piece of Advice: Don't fight to fix this. As tempting as it is, don't try to get him to spend more time with the baby by getting angry and informing him of his duty. You need to inform him, and you can do so in ways that invite him. The more inviting, the less demanding, the easier it is for him to show up.

Should he behave differently? Sure! But since he is not mature is this way, and since you are very young yourself, the best way to get him engaged is to entice him, to teach him, to make it easy to come home and be with the two of you. I know that this might sound like pampering him, but it can work a lot better than the endless fighting that so many young couples fall into. Stand your ground, and do it in peaceful ways.

As you find the delicate balance between accommodating his immaturity and getting him to adapt to reality, you will also grow. You won't be the first mother who inspired and taught a guy how to be Dad.

Tao