I'm a single lady in my mid 50's, no children, married just once for three years. Mostly been a career woman, but had boyfriends off and on.

I started posting on a certain website maybe five years ago. There was once certain guy there to whom I was immediately attracted, and you
Might say I fell madly in love with him, but I never came out with it, because I wasn't sure how he felt about me. Also, he was divorced twice and
Has a daughter, and I was under the impression that he didn't want to make waves in his life, and was satisfied to stay unmarried.

But every time I tried to leave, he would come after me, so I knew there was some kind of attachment, but I thought it was just strong friendship.
He has even stated on the forum that I am one of his favorites. He has been saying for some time that he wanted to meet me for lunch some time,
But we are on opposite coasts, so it wouldn't be easy.

Well, now he has come down with Multiple Sclerosis.

I am kind of worried because now he has started offering me money.
I don't really need anybody's money, and I have never taken help from anybody in my entire life, not even from my parents. I am have some troubles
Lately, but God has always seen me through. I would really feel guilty about taking money from a man, and also I'd wonder if there was something
Expected "in return", but it doesn't seem to be like that with him.
So... sigh, he sent me $500 for my birthday.
I have very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I feel like it's not right for me to accept money from a man who's not my husband. But
I think he must have a very great need to mean something in my life. So I took the money.
I haven't spent it though, I hid it away, thinking if things got leveled out in his life, I might give it back to him.
And then on the other hand, it gives me the most wonderful feeling, like a man is loving me and taking care of me. The scary thing about it
Is, I almost feel like we've had sex, although we've never met each other, and we've always been very decent, both of us.

Am I a stupid moron? Am I making a huge mistake?

So if you really think this guy might be the one and he feels the same maybe you could use the money to meet him?

Maybe he has a lot of money and no one to share it with. To a unemployed person 500 dollars is a huge amount of cash. To someone with boatloads of money and no one to love, 500 dollars is just 500 dollars. Maybe he is getting older and feels like what is the point of holding on to it? Happy birthday, go buy something. I don't think he wants anything in return except for you to be happy and enjoy his gift.

So you been talking to a guy for the last 5 years via the internet and your in love with him but the two of you never met due the distance? Then he sent you a birthday gift in the amount of $500 and your uneasy about accepting it?

A relationship can't really be form at this time but a friendship can. You already know he has a phobia about being in a committed relationship and if the two of you haven't met each other after 5 years then the chances of the two of you meeting are slim. Also, if the two of you were to meet and become committed can you really handle a long, long distance relationship.

Him having you has one of his favorites on a networking site (to me) holds no weight at all.

I can see why you wouldn't want to accept the money and I do agree with Dreamingartist and Nohelp4u on this one. You are friends so why not meet up as friends? It will be a nice vacation spent with someone you connected with 5 years ago. No expectations just a meet and greet... MS can be known to progress quite rapidly in some cases and wouldn't you have liked to meet such a good friend?

Send the money back, and just stay electronic pals.

Sorry that 500 bucks looks like a worm on a hook.

If a guy was serious, he would have used the money to meet you already. When are you females gonna realize that?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Send the money back, and just stay electronic pals.

Sorry that 500 bucks looks like a worm on a hook.

If a guy was serious, he would have used the money to meet you already. When are you females gonna realize that?

---

Wishful thinking I guess :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Send the money back, and just stay electronic pals.

Sorry that 500 bucks looks like a worm on a hook.

If a guy was serious, he would have used the money to meet you already. When are you females gonna realize that?

---

See, THAT'S what worries me.

He SAYS he gives money to charities, and I need money, so why not me?

But who does this? Really? Who give a boatload of money to someone they've never even met, even if they DO really, really like them? Doesn't that sort of tie me to him, and maybe put me under obligation to him in some (yet unknown) way?

At the very least, I thought maybe he was just terribly depressed and using bad judgement.

Oh, and GET THIS: He says, do I want more? Is that enough? Apparently I have an open door to his wallet.

Quote:

---

But who does this? Really? Who give a boatload of money to someone they've never even met, even if they DO really, really like them?

---

Obviously he does, and it takes all kinds to make this world.

Quote:

---

Doesn't that sort of tie me to him, and maybe put me under obligation to him in some (yet unknown) way?

---

No, it does not, especially if you return the money and tell him, NO THANK YOU!!

What ever his motives are, don't assume when you can ask, and judge for yourself whether to believe him, or not.

Interesting how I get such positive responses from the females, and such negative responses from the males.

Quote:

---

No, it does not, especially if you return the money and tell him, NO THANK YOU!!

---

If he asks for it back, he WILL most certainly get it, I told him this. If a man writes "Happy Birthday" all over a check, I consider it a huge slap in the face to give it right back, especially since he has MS, and has lost control of most of his life as he knew it.

In the meantime, I will tell myself: "He likes you... he doesn't love you. He likes you... he doesn't love you. He likes you... he doesn't love you."

I'll let you know how it turns out!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Silly Me

If a man writes "Happy Birthday" all over a check, I consider it a huge slap in the face to give it right back, especially since he has MS, and has lost control of most of his life as he knew it!

---

Tal, I always love your responses and agree with you all the time, but as someone whose mom had MS I can understand why maybe he hasn't gotten on a plane yet.

To the OP, I think you should ask him why he didn't spend the $500 to come see you and see what his response is. My mom had MS and she had a very hard time getting around. It wasn't as bad early on, but after my brother was born she started falling. Eventually she was in a wheelchair.

First of all, a virtual online "friend" is in reality a stranger, not a friend at all. At least not until you've met in person and had the chance to see if there's any "chemistry" or not. And vibes that you may get online are not a good predictor of how things will actually mesh in person. Moreover, you say that you are on "opposite coasts." If you're in the U.S. that means 3000 miles. I'm also a little unclear by what you mean when you say he's "started offering you money." Has he been trying to give you cash gifts for a while and trying to talk you into accepting them? Or did this $500 birthday gift just pop up out of the blue as a total surprise? You're certainly wise to be leery of accepting it. I'd suggest one of three things ; 1.) Simply rip up the check without depositing it or 2.) If you've already deposited it, return it to him in a money order with a kind note explaining that it's really not appropriate for you to accept it from him or 3.) If you're feeling especially daring, use the money to take a trip out to the opposite coast and arrange to meet him for dinner in a public restaurant. You can let him know you're coming and have him suggest a place. But only agree to see him in public, do NOT let him talk you into going to his house or coming to your hotel and don't let him know where you're staying. Then maybe get together again for breakfast the following morning, again in public, then travel back home. That'll at least give you a chance to meet him and then maybe see if you really have something in common with him or not. And if the sparks are there then maybe you can contemplate what level you might eventually take things to.

"Has he been trying to give you cash gifts for a while and trying to talk you into accepting them?"

He started a couple of months ago, completely out of the blue, by offering to pay for a $160 vet bill. "I know how much the cat means to you," he says.

I was kind of stunned, in fact I would NEVER ask even a family member to help me pay my bills. I don't operate like that. I don't know how he came up with this, it seemed so separate from reality. I kind of sidestepped him by waiting a while and then telling him that the cat seemed to be OK now.

He called me on my birthday and we talked a while, and then he offered me money again. He didn't say how much. I didn't fight with him over it, but I did tell him I wouldn't feel right about it, because first of all, he's not my man or my husband, and he might need it medicine or whatever.

He said he had already provided for his daughter very well, and he wanted to be something more than just an insurance policy for her. This he said twice. He said he gave charitably to several organizations, and I needed money (his own interpretation, I am not utterly destitute), so why not me? I told him I had no idea when I could pay him back, which is true. Right now, I am private paying for my mother in a rest home, plus I have taken over all the expenses on her house, utilities, taxes, insurance, etc. I don't make a lot of money, so it is a little scary.
He said he did not want to be paid back, except would I make him some homemade cookies, which I did, my very best recipe. Sent them to him in the mail, and got his check the same day. He called me beforehand and warned me, now, don't freak out when you see the amount on the check.

OK, those are the facts, and I will not put my interpretation on them.

Cash and cookies aside, why haven't you met this man? What is the distance between you two? Are you afraid to be face to face? Has it in fact been five years since you two "met"?

It's a wonderful feeling to fall in love. But at this point isn't this love just a fantasy? You haven't met him yet. Its been an internet fling for 5 years. I have seen these type things work out. But that's a chance for you to decide to take. As far as the money, well I can't say either way. It was very thoughtful of him. I don't see him wanting something in return since your not near each other. If he wanted you to go see him, then he should have clearly stated he was going to pay your way. He sent it as a gift. If your as close as you say then you why can't you tell him your uncomfortable about it and ask him not to do it again? I think in the back of your mind your thinking something isn't right or you wouldn't question it from the start. Accept it politely and ask him next time just a card would make you equally happy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Cash and cookies aside, why haven't you met this man? What is the distance between you two? Are you afraid to be face to face? Has it in fact been five years since you two "met"?

---

I think because he has only expressed interest in meeting me since he's gotten sick.

Before all that, the crush was all mine, and I knew it. He liked me, but I didn't get any vibes that he saw me as a love interest. I liked him so much that I actually had to give myself a serious talking to.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Its a wonderful feeling to fall in love. But at this point isnt this love just a fantasy? You havent met him yet. Its been an internet fling for 5 years. I have seen these type things work out. But thats a chance for you to decide to take. As far as the money, well I can't say either way. It was very thoughtful of him. I dont see him wanting something in return since your not near each other. If he wanted you to go see him, then he should have clearly stated he was going to pay your way. He sent it as a gift. If your as close as you say then you why can't you tell him your uncomfortable about it and ask him not to do it again? I think in the back of your mind your thinking something isnt right or you wouldnt question it from the start. Accept it politely and ask him next time just a card would make you equally happy.

---

I have observed him for years, and everything that comes out of his mouth, I love. Let me correct that, I deeply adore. Yes, I can see the fantasy element in that. You might meet them and never recognize those qualities.

The nice thing about the internet is that it kind of strips away all else but the real person.

For one thing, he is the same nationality as me. He is so much like my dad, whom I adored, that it makes me laugh, it is just too coincidental.

I think he would have to call the shots. I don't know how sick he is, but I get the impression that he can only walk a couple hundred yards a day with a cane, and he does his grocery shopping in a sit down buggy. That would make me think maybe he spends his days in a wheel chair. When men's health goes down, a lot of times they are impotent. Maybe he's really shy about starting a relationship with a woman, thinking it would be a disaster.

I don't know. At this point in my life, I can afford to be generous. Let him break my heart, I don't give a damn. It's been done before, I always survive. I want him to have his way, what makes him the most comfortable and happiest.

Okay, it's all over.

Total disaster.

I am so sorry I didn't just leave it as it was. I've never had a heartbreak like this, and I never want to have another one.

At first it was great. I did get brave enough to tell him my feelings, and it launched what seemed to be the greatest love affair. I think it was all smoke and mirrors though. I don't know if he ever really felt the way I did or not.

In three weeks... we had three serious fights. Now he won't have anything to do with me. I have no friend, I have no boyfriend, I have nothing. He blames me 100% for everything. I know I am an emotional person, some problems with controlling my temper, but I didn't think I did anything bad enough to deserve this.

I think I was way, way out of my tree.

Won't happen again...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Silly Me

Okay, it's all over.

Total disaster.

I am so sorry I didn't just leave it as it was. I've never had a heartbreak like this, and I never want to have another one.

At first it was great. I did get brave enough to tell him my feelings, and it launched what seemed to be the greatest love affair. I think it was all smoke and mirrors though. I don't know if he ever really felt the way I did or not.

In three weeks.... we had three serious fights. Now he won't have anything to do with me. I have no friend, I have no boyfriend, I have nothing. He blames me 100% for everything. I know I am an emotional person, some problems with controlling my temper, but I didn't think I did anything bad enough to deserve this.

I think I was way, way out of my tree.

Won't happen again.......

---

I'm so sorry!

I think that you may have been sucked in by someone that doesn't like real people. (Possibly a narcissist)

It was OK while it was on the internet, but a woman in the flesh, a real person with human flaws was too much.

A hard lesson to learn.