So my girlfriend and I have been dating 2 years. She came to me out of the blue and says that she wants to take a break. She wants to KNOW if I am the one she wants to spend forever with. She says that there is no one else and that she doesn't want another guy she just wants to hang out with friends and do whatever she wants without me. She said she loves me with all her heart and I really do believe that.

I told her she was making a huge mistake and she said that is what she needs to find out for herself. She needs to know what life is like without me.

We have not spoken in a week now and I am dying. I know that she has been out with her friends and even at the bars a few times. I am so confused as to what is going on. Why would someone throw away or even chance losing something so great for what? I am crushed and don't have any direction.

She has a ton of stuff still at my house and she has not made an attempt to get it. I believe that is a sign that maybe she is not that serious about this and maybe just does want time to go out and blow off some steam and hang out with friends. She still wanted to text me and I asked her not to because it was too hard for me to get those from here just wondering what's up like the good ol times.

I got an email from her friend that told me that she is hurting really bad right now as well but this is something that she feels she has to do. She told me that she can tell she loves me with all her heart and its killing her that she has done this to me. She also told me that "if I were you i would not let go of her quite yet".

I am so confused and lost. The only thing I know to do is give her the space she is asking for but for how long. Honestly how long can you expect someone to just wait for you.

What do you guys think about this?

You shouldn't have to, wait. I'm going through the same thing. The thing is, I've come to realise. Do they actually love us with all their hearts? Really, truly? Because if they did we wouldn't be feeling like this. I can't let go. I hold onto everyhting but what if they decide that they are better off without us? Love shouldn't come with all this pain. Yes, they are hurting but I feel what they are putting us through is worse.

I did this with my husband for 6 months before we got married. Be patient with her, but don't let her forget about you either. If you can't handle it then tell her, it's important to communicate with her how you feel, my husband still has issues with me because I did this.

If I could have told her not to do this before she decided to I would have. Not so much because I regret taking time for myself, but because I hurt my husband. Everyone we knew tried to convince him I was cheating on him and whatever else. I never did. I just focused on me for a little while because I had never taken the time to do so.

I know I am not the same as your lady, but if I were you, I would try to be patient with her. If you feel like you can't or it hurts too much then tell her so. Her friends say she is hurting too, then she must know either that it isn't right or that she shouldn't be doing it to you. Loving a person doesn't mean running away to go take on the world without them, if you don't like this I would suggest telling her you want to be with her, she cannot take you for granted, if she doesn't want to be with you she needs to be honest. But you need to be willing to accept that her breaking up with you might be an option on the table.

Either way it's pretty unfair of her to make this decision without you, she's making decisions for her life, but your relationship is a part of that life. Talk to her, but try to keep it calm and be understanding.

You are a person too, you should be able to tell her what's going on with you, just like she did when she asked for a break.

I am willing to give her time and space to try and figure things out. I love her and respect her so much I will do that even though it is literally killing me. I miss her so much every minute of the day but I know what I have to do. Space and time is what she wants so that's what I have to give her.

I just don't understand how she can do this to me. She talked about marriage often and couldn't wait to marry me. We always agreed that we would wait a while so that is what we have been doing. We were going to be engauged within this year. I just don't understand what it is that she is looking to find out with me not in the picture.

Her family has contacted me and told me that they are upset with her decision and they reall miss me and hopes this works out. Honestly Im a mess right now. I know if I push her then she will only pull away further.

The point of relationships and love is to grow and tackle problems TOGETHER, not apart. I fail to see why you should be expected to live your life in limbo as she goes out and does whatever she wants... just isn't fair in my opinion. I would make myself really scarce from her life, and I can guarantee you if I was in your shoes, she wouldn't be the only one living it up! Life is too short for this BS... live your life, if she comes back fine, but I wouldn't put things on hold. Do you have a freeaking time frame? Is she supposed to let you know when it is convenient for her to return?

Go out, have fun and damn the rest. Time to put the big boy pants on and live a little.

Here's a few suggestions to help you ease the pain of waiting.

1) As painful as it is, it's better that she's doing this to you now before either of you make a stronger commitement, like marriage.

2) If she really loved you, she will come back to you. If she doesn't come back, then she didn't love you that much and had a change of heart. So it's out of your control now. You've been together for 2 years, so there's nothing more you could do now than you should/could have done in the last 2 years.

3) She's spending time with her friends. Maybe she's in pain, maybe not. It doesn't matter. Easier said than done, but try your best not to think about her and what she's going through. You should focus on yourself.

4) Have you decided that she's the one for you already? This time apart also gives you a chance to reflect on the relationship. If you've decided that she's the one you want to be with, then take a few steps back. You've figured out your part, so let her figure out hers. You said you respect her wishes, so leave her be.

5) Focus on doing other things now. Think about it, you have more free time to yourself. So hang out with your friends. Reconnect with old friends. Play sports. Pick up a new hobby. Just stay busy so you can get your mind off it.

6) If you really loved her as much as you say you do, then be patient. She will come back to you with an answer eventually. But in the meantime, there's no reason for you to put your life on hold. Stay busy!

Good luck. I'm sure you can get through this. If you feel like venting again, feel free to vent all you want on this forum. We'll always support you.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

The point of relationships and love is to grow and tackle problems TOGETHER, not apart.

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I agree with this, but I guess some people need to figure things out on their own. We don't know what is going on in the girl's mind in this situation, but many times, it's not a relationship problem, it's more of a personal problem.

You and I might not handle this kind of problem this particular way, by asking for time and space, but some people choose to.

We just got to remember that if our significant other asks for time and space, it doesn't mean we have to put our lives on hold and wait around. We can go on with ours lives too.

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Originally Posted by I wish

I agree with this, but I guess some people need to figure things out on their own. We don't know what is going on in the girl's mind in this situation, but many times, it's not a relationship problem, it's more of a personal problem.

You and I might not handle this kind of problem this particular way, by asking for time and space, but some people choose to.
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To be honest, if I said that I needed space, it really means I no longer want to be in a relationship with you... no hurt intended to the OP, but that is my literal interpretation.

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Originally Posted by I wish

We just gotta remember that if our significant other asks for time and space, it doesn't mean we have to put our lives on hold and wait around. We can go on with ours lives too.

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My point exactly. It may suck and it isn't fun to go through, but time doesn't stop, and time is the most valuable currency we have...

I'm agreeing. I needed space, now I don't want any and I bet he wishes I would go away sometimes and let him breathe. Take it one day at a time, but don't let it hold you back. Life is meant to be lived, it's not meant to be wished. Are there things you have always wanted to work on for you? Go get all buff n manly or something. Beat every level of GTA3 and unlock every achievement. Learn how to play pool. But don't waste away, she's not.

Thanks for the posts. Keep them coming.

I have been doing a ton of new things to keep myself busy. Reconnecting with old friends. Going out more. Projects around the house.

I just really miss her. I honestly knew that she was the person for me. I had made up my mind. We were so happy together. Everything was so perfecct.

I just think that she lost her identity. She is done with school all her friends are still in school. All her friends are single and despretly looking for a great guy they just can find one. She just wants to live care free is what she told me. She wants to KNOW that I am the one she wants to be with. I don't understand it but what else can I do?

Her parents split up 3 times before getting married and I think that may also have something to do with it. She may just have it in her head that if they did that then we must to be successful.

Each situation is different, it kind of sounds like you already know she's going to come back, you just think it sucks. If that's true, I say go get the ring, text her a pic and say its ready when you are, and then go get your drink on. Don't sit around waiting for her, take the time to ensure you have a nice big hold on your own identity.

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Originally Posted by Chey5782

Each situation is different, it kind of sounds like you already know shes going to come back, you just think it sucks. If that's true, I say go get the ring, text her a pic and say its ready when you are, and then go get your drink on. Don't sit around waiting for her, take the time to ensure you have a nice big hold on your own identity.

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I hope you are joking... I wouldn't pony up thousands of dollars on someone who hasn't "found herself". You guys need to lay off the Kool Aid... she wants to live carefree?? Are you serious? You know what that means right?

"I want to be able to do WHATEVER I want without having to feel guilty for doing it"

Don't buy a ring for her. I wouldn't reward her for this crap! If I were you I wouldn't contact her, email, nothing! She would be the one getting ahold of me, not the other way around. Text a pic of you at a bar with some ladies around... tell her you are merely helping other girls to live "care free"!

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Originally Posted by dhosera

So my girlfriend and I have been dating 2 years. She came to me out of the blue and says that she wants to take a break. She wants to KNOW if i am the one she wants to spend forever with... What do you guys think about this?

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I think she has known you aren't the one for some time now.

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Originally Posted by dhosera

I just think that she lost her identity.

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That's a huge f***in' thing to lose! And yes, that often does happen in long-term relationships.

And you don't understand her linefeed to give each other space so she can know for certain if you're the one she wants to marry because it's senseless. If she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, she'd be spending her life with you as we speak. But that sounds nicer than "I wanna be single and hit the bar scene. Sorry for talking about marriage a few weeks ago, I knew even then I didn't want to marry you, but you seemed happy at the hint of it so I went along with the flow of the conversation."

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Originally Posted by dhosera

"if I were you i would not let go of her quite yet".

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Exsqueeze me? Girl's got some nerve.

Look, I am not saying what I think she's doing is right, but I certainly would not refer to it as crap either. dhosera, you know your girl better than anyone else does, I'm not telling you to wait around for her, but I am not encouraging you to be cynical either.

kctiger- I'm going to call this a huge difference of opinion and leave it at that.

I cannot bite my tongue on this. To those that want to play the pitty card and act like this isn't a load of BS coming from her, live in la la land all you want. And I respect your opinion Chey, I just think it is very selfish of her to do this to him.

You don't get to just break some poor guys heart because you think you have no identity. What she meant was she doesn't know what it's like to be a single woman. Going out having fun with her other SINGLE friends and being able to do whatever she wants is exactly what she has in mind... not some soul searching BS. He has been given no timeline and is just expected to sit back while she lives a "care free, do any guy I want to" life. How on earth is that remotely right? I realize I paint it to an extreme of black and white, but this is pretty cut and dry to me. FACT: She wants to be SINGLE!! FACT: That means she DOES NOT want to be with the OP. (And yes, obviously things can change)

Regardless of opinons the facts are pretty clear. This is life, you don't get to just leave when things aren't going your way, and you certainly shouldn't have the right to lie and BS to a boyfriend who is clearly in love with you. It is what it is...

I don't know that she is coming back to me. I really don't know. This is so unlike her to do this. We had something great and everyone else can see it. I know that she was happy. Im not some idiot that can't read his girlfriend.

I just don't know what to think of the whole thing. She said she is not out looking for a new guy and I really do believe that. But I also think that she does want to do whatever it is that she wants without any consequences. She is not the girl to go some other guy at all as we are two very religious people and she just has never done that. Im not saying it couldn't happen, but that is just what I guess I think.

I am not going to change my opinion about this. Unless you think she is lying to you, you need to talk to her about how you are feeling, but it still sounds to me like you already know. You can't date a girl for two years and not know her at all. You've never called her a liar, you appear to have a clear idea of what she said.

From my personal experience, having done what she is doing, and then going back to the guy and marrying him. I feel like I have to speak for the other side, the side that doesn't call her a liar or take it to a cynical extreme. If you feel like she's treating you that way though, you need to call bull immediately.

I was never one to walk on people, or let them walk on me, so I didn't have an issue telling my man exactly how it was. But like I said, I am not this girl. In the very least you need to expect her to be honest with you.

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Originally Posted by dhosera

Im not some idiot that can't read his girlfriend.

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Originally Posted by dhosera

I just dont know what to think of the whole thing.

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Those two lines contradict.

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Originally Posted by dhosera

But i also think that she does want to do whatever it is that she wants without any consequences.

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Sounds about right to me.

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Originally Posted by dhosera

She is not the girl to go some other guy at all as we are two very religious people and she just has never done that.

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If you don't think she'll cheat on you, then you don't have much to worry about.

Just leave her alone and she will find you when she's ready.

We suggest that you get on with your life and don't put it on hold. There's a chance that when she finds you, she will tell you that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Even worse, there's a chance that she might never come back to you.

She's getting a get out free card right now and you're the backup. She can go off experimenting and meeting new guys, while you're the safety net. If it doesn't work out with other guys, she's always got you to go back to. Hopefully none of this is true, but it's a possibility.

Therefore, it's better for you to get on with your life. If she comes back to you, then great! If she doesn't, at least you'll be in a better position to move on with your life.

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The only thing I know to do is give her the space she is asking for but for how long

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Since you didn't ask, and she didn't tell you, my advice is don't wait at all. Get a life that you enjoy, without her, and leave her life alone.

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Honestly how long can you expect someone to just wait for you.

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Once you get dumped she loses all her girlfriend privileges, and you better get your manhood back in order, because she might not ever come back.

I know you said this came as a shock out of the blue, but its very obvious, her feelings were not as strong as yours about this relationship.

Keep your dignity and self respect intact by leaving her alone and disappearing from her life and worry about your own.

Talaniman Rule- Never listen to the BS of someone who dumped you.

I'd suggest anytime you feel the need to question things talk to a personal friend, family member or come on here. Talking to her or anyone to do with her right now isn't an option. You're the one suffering most out of this just remember that. Its up to her to sort herself out if she's not willing to be with you.

Thank you all for the posts.

She actually texted me tonight for the first time in a week. She said that she knows that I don't want to talk to her but asked me about some money issues that we have to clear up. I responded that I didn't mean I never wanted to talk to you again I just can't have you texting me wondering what's up like old times like nothing happened. She misunderstood me when I asked her not to contact me anymore.

She said that she would call me sometime when she is ready to talk and that is how we left it. I think that the texting conversation went well tonight. She is still going out with friends as I am doing the same right now.

I know what hand I have to play next. The I know that maybe we did spend too much time together. I have discovered that hanging out with my friends more is what I want to do and I don't think that I am willing to give that up just quite yet. We were too much into each other and there were too many rules on what we could and couldn't do. I think that this is my only shot at getting her back in the long run. Don't get me wrong if she messes around with another guy I am gone but if she truly just wanted to show me this then what more can I do but take this route?