Long story short

Me and my ex dated for 2 and half years I made the mistake of lying to her about talking to my exgf (lesbian couple) over and over she kept giving me chances I NEVER cheated on her (my ex lived in a diff state) I know I was wrong and I regret it every single day I love her and I realize it to late its true you never know what you have till you lose it and I hate it I didn't appreciated her earlier and now that she is DONE with me she already dated someone else and they cheated on her .

The problem is we live together and no I can't move and she can't move we are pretty much stuck living together till November we have been broken up for 8 months , she has made it clear that she cares about me to a Certain extend and no we will never be again and or can be as close friends as we used to , she says she wants me in her life but as a friend .

I know I'm wrong but I text her and try to talk to her all the time I know I need to stop but fighting the urge is so hard , I've gotten a part time job on top of my full time I've been trying to keep busy but I still can't seem to be able to leave her alone completely idont know what else to do I never thought it would be so hard to let her go.

Just keep staying busy. There's nothing you can do until November. By the time you move out, it will get easier. Just bare with it until then.

Just stay busy as much as possible. Hang out with friends and family if possible. Pick up a new hobby, go to the gym, play a sport. Anything so that you can avoid thinking about her or talking to her.

There's no way you can move out? It's too bad because that would be the easiest way to get past this. If you can't, then I wish said it. You're just going to have to stay as busy as possible. If you can spend as much time out of the house as possible. Go hang out with friends, etc. Come home just to sleep.

Nope I am stuck in that house I have tried to get other people to take over my part of the rent but no success , I play soccer I got a second job I go to school and well I can't stay too much out of my house because I have 2 dogs and I got to spend time with them she we stay in our rooms ( we have separate rooms) but it just not talking to her that gets me she tells me to step back and let things happened and she said she wants to be my friend but who knows I know I deserve better I know I need to move on I know I need to let go . It's a matter of doing it

By continually pestering her you are only pushing her away further , unfortunately that's just the way it works.

Leave her alone and give her some space , be cordial when you have to see her , that way at least you get to keep your dignity and she'll see you as a stronger person.

Zippit that's exactly how I'm taking it too and no I don't mind you answering .

I do want to step back and see what happends but its like she tells me step back but yet we will never be as close friends as we used so I feel sort of slap in the face , I also don't know how to stop feeling incredibly jealous because I know she is talking to someone else and she likes this new person regardless I still know her and I know she does like this new person she drier over 3 hrs to spend weekends with this person whom she just met and I can't stop feeling a sense of failure and a lot of jealousy I guess it was easier for her to move on because she found someone because before she found someone we were extremely good friend even if we have already broken up but its like now I feel like since she is finding all this new people in her life she doesn't need me I get kick to the curb and I'm stuck here wanting my best friend back she became family to me , I made the mistake of letting my entire family meet her and nnow everytimei see my family they ask about her so I've been avoiding family reunions.

Overrall I know I should let time heal this one and just let things be but its been 8 months and feelins aren't going away they are stuck there and I even started dating but no one that catches my attention , she is moving out of this city once are lease is over and I can't help but feel sadness because when she leave I know she is taking a huge part of me. I feel so lost I just want to stop it all and be so careless like she is.

Threads merged

So from my last post I told me and my ex who I happened to still live with we have been broke up for 8 months she has already dated someone else for 4 months and that person turned out to be completely bad and they broke up well now my ex is getting close to a new person who she has claims they are just friends , that's what she tells me but I know her and I know she is starting to like this new person and I can't help but to feel great jealousy.

How I see it is how can she trust and talk and want to spend more time with her , when she has knowns me longer when I have been there for her through so many things . I know we are exs and this happends she is moving on but how can I get rid of this jealousy how can I stop myself from wanting to know if she really is after this new person.

I'm sorry if I sound childish but this is a thought that has been killing metoday.

It is quite simple. She is moving on; she shows no interest in a relationship with you and you simply are not moving on yourself. Maybe you shouldn't place her and her relationships in the center of your focus. Your living arrangement is not going to work as your now roommate (ex) has other interests and other pursuits. You are not in the equation anymore an ex is an ex for some reason or another. She sounds like she may be rebounding. You both sound very young.

Let me ask you, how are you supposed to move on with these constant reminders of her and your past relationship? Of course your jealous... your human and you have the basic instincts anyone would have if you cared for that person more then a friend and desiring for closeness again. You need to find another living arrangement... move out and find a new roommate. Center yourself as your focus... create new ideas and a new self image... be confident. I am sure there is someone else out there waiting for you to discover them.

Sometimes we have to let go; sometimes we have to leave the past in the past... end the current to allow for new opportunities, new growth and new and exciting experiences.

Simply, move out and move on. Best of luck.

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Originally Posted by soccergirl0587

how can i get rid of this jealousy how can i stop myself from wanting to know if she really is after this new person.

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Remove yourself from the entire equation. Don't look at her, don't look for her, don't talk to her, don't make any attempt to get in touch with her or whoever she's close with; avoid her, become completely ignorant and indifferent to her life.

Then your jealousy will fade away.

The moving out part is not going to be possible we only have 4 months in our lease and I had been trying to move someone in place but no success and I'm sure you guys have heard it before but its a lot easier said than done to just stop it all .

I am most willing to put myself through the challenge of letting go and I am extremely aware that she has moved on and that I should too , its just a matter of not letting myfeelings take over my mind I'm not going to lie I do a lot of things wihtout thinking and talking to her is one of them it would most certantly be easier if we were apart .

I think the hardest thing is knowing that I couldve avoided the break up , that it was because of my stupid mistake that she broke up with me and its just hard to let go of someone who was amazing to me and that I pretty much brought all this to myself.

Oh and we are in our 20's

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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Remove yourself from the entire equation. Don't look at her, don't look for her, don't talk to her, don't make any attempt to get in touch with her or whoever she's close with; avoid her, become completely ignorant and indifferent to her life.

Then your jealousy will fade away.

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I agree with the first part and I get what your saying: "Get busy!" and "Get your mind off of it!". Work, study, read, hobby it out or go to the gym... go for a walk... whatever. But ignoring and becoming indifferent isn't going to solve it... maybe it is the opposite... maybe she needs closure and needs to face the hard cold truth that it is over. Forgive and forget. You can't really move on without realization or acceptance.

You are in charge of your emotions... so take charge and stop the thought in it's tracks and think about how you have learned and experienced from this relationship. People come and go in our lives so much... just hang on and enjoy the ride for the moment. Take the good things and move on.

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Originally Posted by soccergirl0587

The moving out part is not going to be possible we only have 4 months in our lease and i had been trying to move someone in place but no success and im sure you guys have heard it before but its alot easier said than done to just stop it all .

I am most willing to put myself thru the challenge of letting go and i am extremly aware that she has moved on and that i should too , its just a matter of not letting myfeelings take over my mind im not going to lie i do alot of things without thinking and talking to her is one of them it would most certantly be easier if we were apart .

I think the hardest thing is knowing that i couldve avoided the break up , that it was because of my stupid mistake that she broke up with me and its just hard to let go of someone who was amazing to me and that i pretty much brought all this to myself.

oh and we are in our 20's

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I thought you two where young... you have your whole life ahead of you and maybe a few more broken hearts :(. Well, if you can't get out of the contract responsibility you just may have to stick it out there. Only thing I can say is maybe occupy your time, improve yourself, spend time on yourself, spoil yourself and treat yourself kindly, with compassion and do feel the emotions. Observe why you feel the way you do when you think of certain things - this will encourage Awarness. Changing the thoughts before the thoughts start to control your emotions... take back your inner power. You can do it! Nothing is ever a mistake... there is always something to learn in almost every circumstance. It's not OK to hold blame or responsibility at this point... it does not serve you - I am glad you have come to some sort of realization of what not to do next time but don't feel responsible anymore... what is done is done.

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Originally Posted by xoxaprilwine

I agree with the first part and I get what your saying: "Get busy!" and "Get your mind off of it!". Work, study, read, hobby it out or go to the gym...go for a walk...whatever. But ignoring and becoming indifferent isn't going to solve it...maybe it is the opposite...maybe she needs closure and needs to face the hard cold truth that it is over. Forgive and forget. You can't really move on without realization or acceptance.

You are in charge of your emotions...so take charge and stop the thought in it's tracks and think about how you have learned and experienced from this relationship. People come and go in our lives so much...just hang on and enjoy the ride for the moment. Take the good things and move on.

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And I agree with the second part but not the first, only because you said...

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Originally Posted by xoxaprilwine

...maybe she needs closure and needs to face the hard cold truth that it is

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Whether she needs it or not, and whether she gets it or not isn't going to help the OP's cause in any way. Sticking around until she get closure will just prolong his pangs of jealousy and anger.

The hardest one to forgive in a busted relationship is yourself, especially if it ended badly (i.e. cheating).

As far as your lease goes, I don't know what to say. Heartache sucks, but breaking a lease and having it affect your credit report is perhaps worse, but I guess it really just depends on the person.

Don't take your phone with you to work. It will stop you from texting her while at work. Delete her number from your phone is another option, when I went through my break up, I deleted her number and turned off my phone

That is really tough. Been there, done that. I did it with someone for 5 months (I was finishing graduate school) and it was AWFUL.

Definitely stay busy... give her space... don't try to talk and work on developing your own life separate and apart from the house.

I feel your pain, but it's do-able for a short time...

Threads merged

We have been broke up for 8 months she has dated other people , she is interested in someone else and I know she will never come back to me she has said it many times no more chances for me I lied to her and she got tired of giving me chances , I've said I'm sorry over and over nothing will make her want me again and I am aware of this so why do I feel so pathetic that I'm still wishing , hoping and asking her back how do I get rid of this stupid hope I have.

I know I have to give it time , I got a second job besides my full time , I go to school , we live together (untill lease is over in oct ) we hardly see each other she hardly talks to me , how do I make my stupid self let go I can't keep doing it I've cried like I have never cried before... is it the guilt that doesn't let me let go? Is it the fear of being alone? Just the thought of us parting diff way in oct makes me sick to my stomach I love her there is no question about it.

But how? How can someone who once told me they loved me so much can be so coldhearted , so means why does it feal like she is out to get me? How can someone be like that? When I am the one perosn that would be there for her for anything I have been there through anything even after she brought her new LOVE to OUR house for aMONTH how can I be this stupid to let all this happened why can't I be strong enough to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and not look back .

I've tried everything time isn't helping time is making me grow more desperate because I know time where I won't see her again is coming and I'm scared I'm terrified I miss her just to think about it . I tried talking to her over and over , counless letters and nothing faces her she has said she doesn't care about me so why do I keep on? Why can't I just stop? She gives me the NC treatment how do I deal with it?

This isn't my first break up I've dealt with my pass better this one just really got me , she was my rock I counted on her more than my own family she was my family we had so many plans we had so much together

Any advice ? Any good books? Anything I just know its time to let go for good its time to stop crying.

Forget the good times, forget the plans you made, forget all the times she said I love you forget all of that because that isn't reality anymore. Ask yourself this question why do I want to be with someone who doesn't want me?

It doesn't help that you still live together but it is what it is. As for Oct. You should be looking forward to October to get out of the hell you are living in right now!! Like it or not you have parted ways 8 months ago. You just share the same address now.

Buv
Heyyyy
You OK
Cheer up, smile
I personally think
If you've tried and tried and she is not bothered, not meeting you half way
They its like you chasing after silver when you can have gold
She's the silver, but there's someone who's gold, someone's who's meant for you and only you
You can be half way acrross the world in america, and the girl who your menu be with in australia
Butt by all means if you are menu be you will
Its just this time, you fell for someone, who was never yoursz
Why shead tears over someone who's not yoursz
I think she's a fool for letting you go bruv
I mean, you tried so much to erase what you done
But she put your letters, and various attempts aside
And she hurt you, she must of known her bringing round another guy to stay over for a onth would sitng, hurt you like mad bruv
But she still don't i.e.
Your better then this
You deserver better and you know it
I know it seems like a big moutain, virtaully impsable to climb
But I swear, you will climb it
Not today, not tommrow
But eventually, gradually
Step by step, day by day you'll move on
Smile
Can you please get back into contact with me, I want to see how your getting on bruv
Stay bless
And stay strong
She's not worth your tear
Let it go
Take care

The hardest thing is to try and let go someone you love with no reasons, but she has given you so many reasons to let go... why not take those reasons and just face reality. As long there is a reason to let go and never go back than it should be way easier to do than have no reasons to do so.

Exactly I have every reason to let go but how? How do I stop myself from texting her for wanting to know about her like the title says I feel so pathetic because I know I have to let go I know it and I know it will be the best for me that there is nothing there for us but just when I think I'm strong enough and I'm going to do it I go back to being weak