Ask Me Help Desk - In The beginning

In The Beginning

I am a lesbian. In the beginning, my Partner and I had sex at least 2 times per day! My partner was very affectionate; she would always kiss me, ask for a kiss, hug me, had her hand on my leg while driving, she was always all over me. My partner would often say, "When is this honeymoon going to be over, I want you all the time"!

Now, 4 months later we rarely have sex or intimacy. If we have sex it may be twice a month. My partner never touches me anymore in any kind of way when we are alone. In public, she holds my hand sometime, touches my shoulder (the small touches). My partner does not kiss me hello or goodbye.

When trying to communicate my concerns and needs to my partner her response is that she is a very moody person and does not like to be touch (she states she has always been that way in every relationship), she is very stressed out at work, she is tired (classic), or that I am being too sensitive, etc. My partner is not loving towards me at all anymore. My partner has been to the dr. for her moodiness; but she refuses the medicines. She admits she is moody and mean (it hurts me sometimes)

Also, I am a full-figured woman (very sexy to me). In the beginning, she would always make comments about hour voluptuous I was, thick, warm and sexy in "my own way". Now, she makes cracks about my eating habits, cooking (never my weight). I am a former athlete, so I am still shapely; however, I am on meds for asthma that can effect your weight. At first she loved my body, does she still?

Please help me understand why my partner doesn't put in the work to love and meet my needs and why has her desire for me changed? She is adamant that she loves me, but I don't feel it of see it. HELP!

Tearfully,

Relationship6

The honeymoon is Over. Tell her that you miss the way things Use to be, and ask her if her feelings have changed. Communication is key in situations like this.
It could be that she is depressed, or just tired. Talking it out hopefully will help you both.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bronzebabe

The honeymoon is Over. Tell her that you miss the way things Use to be, and ask her if her feelings have changed. Communication is key in situations like this.
It could be that she is depressed, or just tired. Talking it out hopefully will help you both.

Paragraph 3, states that I have tried to communicate this with my partner, but she either doesn't want to talk or she says nothing is wrong to her

If she KNOWS there is a problem, but refuses her meds... the issue isn't sex, it's that she refuses to take her meds.

She's not going to change.

I guess sitting her down and saying you Have to know, Could help. It might not. She might not want to tell you what's wrong. She might not Know what is wrong.
I agree with Synnen, it may never change. I feel sad for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

If she KNOWS there is a problem, but refuses her meds...the issue isn't sex, it's that she refuses to take her meds.

She's not going to change.

Well, the dr. told her the meds would make her very latargtic; but she could try the alternative of exercising; we are supposed to start golfing lesson's this saturday; she is very excited about that. Is if me holding on for false hope? My partners says her moodiness wears her out and she usually stays single because of it?

Sheesh.

She's moody - but she won't do anything about it, you're unhappy - but she won't talk about it... and it's only been 4 months. Not much that is good is happening here.

Quote:

Please help me understand why my partner doesn't put in the work to love and meet my needs and why has her desire for me changed? She is adamant that she loves me, but I don't feel it of see it.

The only person that can tell you what's happening is her. People's actions always speak louder that their words - if she's not prepared to talk to you, put in the effort and establish some reciprocity in the relationship, then I think the relationship is a dud. Forget about the 'love', this person doesn't understand the meaning of the word.

Your partner keeps making excuses about her behavior and doesn't seem inclined to examine herself or change - sure, there may be issues in the past that have made her this way - but there doesn't seem to be any preparedness to deal with them.

I would challenge her - is she prepared to invest in the relationship and in her own personal growth by working on her issues? If the answer is no, I'd be seeking good sex and friendship elsewhere.

Do you really need a moody, mean, critical partner? Of course not!

Sounds like depression could have set in maybe. I know you have talked to her, but have you specifically said 'i think you should see a therepist?'

If she has issues, and knows about them and still refuses to take her meds, as I understand is the case... she doesn't much care... so why stress about it, find someone else.

Anyone who truly cares for someone does not cause them a lot of grief. And I see a lot of grief here.