I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 years. And we live together. I love her with all my heart and I believe she feels the same but not sure. Like every couple, we have our differences and she is 23 and I am 41. Yeah, I know what your thinking. I love her with all my heart and we had a fight, to were she went on and cheated on me.Before we took this to a serious relationship, I explained her about the consequences of being together. I made it cleared that I would be robbing her of her youth relation activities and she would be robbing me of finding someone in my area. We agreed to do this. The problem is that ever since that incident I am no longer sexually aroused or attractive to her anymore. I do love her with all my heart and I don't have an answer to my soul. She is starting to ask questions and I keep telly her I am tired. Someone help.

You should consider the impact of that incident on your ability to go on with this relationship. It seems like after she cheated on you, you no longer find her sexually attractive which is a major pitfall in a relationship.

You should have a serious talk with her about her cheating incident. It has obviously had a negative impact on your sexual drive. I believe after having a serious talk about it, you will either find that you are able to overcome the situation or find that you are no longer capable of feeling attraction towards her. You will know what to do then.

Sounds like you had a great 3 years, but the sparks are being extinguished.

This sounds like the beginning of the end of your relationship. Both of you seem to want different things.

You can try to mend things with her, but it takes the effort of both of you to make the relationship work. If one if you is not willing to work on the relationship, then there's no reason to continue.

Furthermore, she cheated on you. Unless she feels extremely guilty about it and wants to make it up to you, it sounds more like she's ready to move on. I'd say, make it a clean break instead of prolonging the inevitable.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rufftimes

I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 years. and we live together. I love her with all my heart and I believe she feels the same but not sure. Like every couple, we have our differences and she is 23 and I am 41. Yeah, I know what your thinking. I love her with all my heart and we had a fight, to were she went on and cheated on me.Before we took this to a serious relationship, I explained her about the consequences of being together. I made it cleared that I would be robbing her of her youth relation activities and she would be robbing me of finding someone in my area. We agreed to do this. The problem is that ever since that incident I am no longer sexually aroused or attractive to her anymore. I do love her with all my heart and I don't have an answer to my soul. She is starting to ask questions and I keep telly her I am tired. Someone help.

---

Ah, you mean you're not sexually attracted to her, not being "sexually attractive to her" means that she's not sexually attracted to you.

This is a weird relationship, and I'm not even talking about the age desparity. You explained the "consequences of being together" and compared it to robbing? Doesn't that make the idea of dating each other sound awful? You definitely planted the wrong seed from day one--if you had doubts you should have never have dated her to start with--'cause after all that she cheated on you.

This relationship isn't going anywhere, so just end it. It's so rare to see relationships survive betrayal that we might as well call it an impossibility. And, for the record, you're better off dating someone your own age so she can relate to you.

It's hard to understand which it really is, you not attracted to her or is she not attracted to you? Either way it seems the spark has burnt out, either talk about it and try to relight the flame or let it all go

Sounds like you're going to have to put this race horse down. This relationship has broken its legs.

Find someone who won't cheat on you, and someone who's your own age. She's just a baby.

This is Ruff times, I forgot to mention some details for a better response to the original question. I am somewhat to blame because I wanted to gamble and put faith in a women that is only 23 and I am 41. If you have read the first part you must know that I tried making her understand the consequences of gambling with relationship. In case some of you are wondering about me being 20 years older, I made myself cleared that I we are playing with her youth and my chances of meeting someone special. I asked her to please make sure that she will have to deal with the temptation of missing out on guys and events that related to her age bracket. I also made sure that she must understand that I have been around this arena and don't mistake kindness of weakness. I truly have tried to make sure that she understand because I took her in when she got put out like a dog from her own family. I have been the only one by her side. I just recently have gotten an apartment and she has been living with me. Since, she cheated on me about a year ago, I just haven't been sexually attractive to her any more. I have to think about something that excites me in order for us to make love. I don't know what to tell her about why we don't have sex anymore and I don't want to put her out like her family.I have asked her a question to which she will never answer is: When you had nothing going for in life, you went on and cheated on me; What will stop you the next time when you start getting a life. I have been by her a side through her schooling. She has just graduated from medical assistant and I don't want to go this anymore because it hurt's like a mother. I asked God what should I do without hurting us.

Dump her. Your relationship can't work as there is no trust. You need some time to heal before you can go back to the dating scene. Besides she already cheated on you, I don't think you want that hanging in your conscience for the rest of your life.

Then don't go through with it anymore. She's obviously immature and you can't wait around for her to grow up.

I'm sorry it hurts but it's like a shot... just get it over with and the pain will be over sooner.

Since you took her in when she was put out like a dog by her family, I think you are her father figure now. You provided her with love and shelter.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rufftimes

...i made myself cleared that I we are playing with her youth and my chances of meeting someone special. I asked her to please make sure that she will have to deal with the temptation of missing out on guys and events that related to her age bracket. I also made sure that she must understand that I have been around this arena and dont mistake kindness of weakness.

---

It's a relationship, not a business transaction. Making sure she understands and agrees to the "terms and conditions" of a relationship isn't going to save you any heartache. It just doesn't work that way.

Again, you clearly had doubts from day one but you didn't listen to your gut. Now, you have to break up with her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rufftimes

i made myself cleared that I we are playing with her youth and my chances of meeting someone special. I asked her to please make sure that she will have to deal with the temptation of missing out on guys and events that related to her age bracket.

---

"Times change, people change"

She might have agreed to all this when you first told her. But you have to realize that people's personality and feelings can change. She's not the same person you met 3 years ago. You got to accept these changes.

For the moment, you should ask her what she wants now. Accept the answer that she gives you as the new answer and drop all the stuff that you said 3 years ago.

and this ladies and gentlemen is why dating someone 17 years older than you doesn't work. Yes there are the RARE acceptions, but this is textbook. Your relationship was based on comfort, fatherly figure, provider, etc. The sad thing is she probably cheated on you more than once and you will never know... My X is 28 dating a 46 year old and not 2 months after they started dating she hooked up with me. He will NEVER know... I am not telling him, she is not telling him, yet he continues to fly her around paris, europe, bahamas. Her father died in a car accident and he is the replacement. I since have moved on but I still know that they have a relationship based on material, external circumstances, and the mental addiction of being with someone. You may not have as much growing up to do as her but she still has major life changes happening. Especially at 23! I am 28 and I even have reservations dating a 21 year old!

A lot of good answers here. Most relationships that have an age difference like yours are bound to end sooner or later.

This explanation that you put it all out on the table in the beginning is really of no importance. I'd wager most peple entering into a relationship realize that cheating is wrong and frowned upon, it pretty much goes without saying really.

You have been and always will be fighting an uphill battle, as if the age difference were not enough to overcome you add the cheating and then continue on even after that! Bound to be problems, hurt feelings, etc.

I'd have left long ago, I understand it is hard and am not trying to come across as unsympathetic, but it is time.

Best of luck to you.