Ask Me Help Desk - Short-term excitement vs. Long-term relationship

All right, here it goes. Ehm there's this hot lady sitting in my office, as there are many others in my office who are attractive. They are all Asian, as I'm living in Bangkok. Now, the thing is is that this lady has something for me (she contacted me cause she finds me attractive), and I am in a godforsaken dubio. Something everyone probably understands, but I don't know how to deal with it.

On the one hand I am looking for 'the right woman', the woman I will be totally falling in love with and will be me my wife until death separates us, the best friends forever and ever. Now, this woman hasn't quite passed by yet.

So while I'm living my life, I haven't yet found the right person but I do want (short-term?) affection. Now, I'm all sitting frustrated here looking at these hot women, and this girl I can go out with and start dating right away (don't misinterper, I am a sensitive, social and generally shy/affectionate/romantic person).

Simply said, I know that I will most likely not be wanting a long-term relationship with her, but I regularly do want excitement, but I am shy on this, maybe because I am too emotional, or I don't want to live a relationship lie or whatever. I am contineously attracted by 'hot women' around, and I just love the Asian attitude, but I feel like I'm not doing the right thing if I just want to approach them for short-term affection/excitement, aka sex, as I know it will not create that affectionate love I am trully looking for. This in my personal perspective, but I am also a little brain washed with the marriage idea.

Is it OK to have some intimite moments / sex with women and after that just leaving it.. I feel bad to myself and bad to her if I do that, but maybe it's just in my mind, feeling guilty. I am sensitive when it comes to normal relationships anyway, and I have been emotionally depressed now and then...

FYI, I had a few one night stands quite a long time ago but I don't want that again, makes me feel bad after, like thinking I'm irresponsible and just following my desires and not knowing what to do with this woman afterwards... (e.g. staying friends - cutting of friendship - build a relationship, which I obviously not what I want, maybe I'm afraid to really expose myself/show love... )

Some serious answers with insight please about relationships/friendship/marriage, etc.

Thanks guys!

You sound like a really great catch that you would want to wait for the right one to share your life with.

Who knows maybe this girl is looking for the same and you might really like her enough that she could be the one.
I know a few guys that brought home 'war brides' in the wars back in the day. They seem to have wives that understand the value of commitment and so forth.

Just because you might date her certainly doesn't mean you have to jump into bed with her. Although you would have to have self control and be strong enough to not fall into your passions. As a Navy Seal you probably do have it in you to have the self control. Get to know her a little better and then take it from there.

I'd avoid messing around with ANYONE at your place of work. It NEVER works out and there are always problems when it falls apart.

With that said... you can't possibly know that a certain woman would not be the right one for you until you date them. Every woman has her own personality, and some of them will be right for any given person and others won't be. Just don't overthink things because you can't possibly know what's in her heart and soul until you spend time dating them.

You will have cheaters and unfaithful women that are both homely or hot... you can't tell which you have until you have spent time with them. You can't judge them on the visual aspects alone.

Ahhh, the moral dilemma of the bachelor. :confused: I firmly believe in lust, but only under the right circumstances. And I agree with the above. Stay away from workplace sexual pursuits! That having been said, I have found for myself that any intimate interaction comes with baggage that carries over into the relationships you have later on. Sometimes it can be good, you learn how to communicate better, or what you will not tolerate from a mate. But others can leave you with regret.

I think for a decision like this you will need to factor in a few things. Can I have an open short term fling without any repercussions? You need to think about that. What happens if you find an amicable female and she winds up pregnant, she still won't be the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life, but you will be raising a child together regardless.

If you really want the long-term then that's what you need to try and find. Stop sitting around thinking about the hotties at work who would do you, and start trying to get yourself in a position where YOU are worth the wait to the future MRS. Hottie.

If you think you can handle a non-committed sexual relationship then do so openly or not at all. But it has been my experience that they all end badly, it's never what you really want in the first place. Someone wants more, and the other still isn't in love and won't be. Or it drags on for a long period, time you could be spending finding Mrs. Hottie.

If you decide to do this, keep dating, but only share your bed with one partner.:cool:

Frankly, my opinion is this:

It's okay to have JUST a relationship that is about lust only--but only if BOTH parties are ONLY looking for that. (It seldom works, btw---one or the other party always gets attached).

I do, however, think that you're looking at things wrong by deciding she's not a long-term girl for you BEFORE you've dated her. How the heck could you know? Most of the time what we THINK we want and what we NEED in a partner are two different things--and if you are ruling people out before you've even had a date with them, well... you're going to miss the person meant for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

Frankly, my opinion is this:

It's okay to have JUST a relationship that is about lust only--but only if BOTH parties are ONLY looking for that. (It seldom works, btw---one or the other party always gets attached).

I do, however, think that you're looking at things wrong by deciding she's not a long-term girl for you BEFORE you've dated her. How the heck could you know? Most of the time what we THINK we want and what we NEED in a partner are two different things--and if you are ruling people out before you've even had a date with them, well....you're going to miss the person meant for you.

Ohhhh I like that, I go with her answer, ignore mine.

Exactly, when I first met my wife I thought, damn she's cute and has a nice butt. Who knew then that 3 years later we'd get married.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

It's okay to have JUST a relationship that is about lust only--but only if BOTH parties are ONLY looking for that. (It seldom works, btw---one or the other party always gets attached).

Yeah, even if we both THINK and SAY that's what we're looking for, having found it, we often want more.

Anyone who succeeds in definitively solving the problem of balancing long-run and short-run costs and benefits will make a huge contribution to the fields of both economics and romance.